A flow of feelings that are taking up too much space in my brain right now. Sorry that it doesn't make much sense, I suppose this is more of a therapy than anything of coherence.
It's hard to begin, because it was a sudden end. One minute it's all amazing, cloud nine, beautiful. Then suddenly you say to me "I have to be honest with you..."
It came like a flood, these true feelings of yours that broke my heart. I wanted to fight, to clutch the remaining threads of hope. But I couldn't, not anymore. Some of your thoughts I'd heard before, and we had tried to get on through. I suppose we had just run our course, but putting it like that makes me ache. One fantastic year flew by, long distance was a strain, but I thought we were doing alright.
I guess not.
I'm angry and upset that it was my faith that tore us apart. Apparently I was fundamentalist or whatever that even means; anything non-diluted to fit the solution of society is cast aside, written off, insane.
This doesn't even make any sense, oh well. It's probably helping in a strange way. Perhaps it would have been selfish to ask, not to always look so deep. On the surface and a little further through the layers, we were so happy together. I'm not ashamed to say I loved you so much. I still do, but now I know I have to push that away.
It all came like a train wreck. That Monday was lover's bliss, filled with whispered hopes and dreams. Then Sunday was an angry blur of broken promises and lies exposed.
I wished for this honesty from the start. You said you would try, it was fine. Why couldn't you just have seen what we had, perhaps held on for a bit longer? Perhaps that would have been selfish to ask.
So, these are my thoughts, or some at least. To record every small detail would take weeks. So first love, I suppose it's goodbye.
But please don't disappear.
Just be you.
I'll be me.
Friends? I hope so.
We'll just have to see.