To all you non-believers out there...I'm going to introduce you to someone who you CAN believe in. His name is the Muffin Man, sure you've heard of him in those old childhood stories. But that was the Muffin Mans nice twin brother, the Muffin Man I'm talking about is the evil twin brother. He killed the nice Muffin Man a couple of years ago and took over the shop. (This would explain all the skulls and bodies in the front yard) Anyways, as I was saying... he is something you don't just blow off. You must accept that he is real, if you don't, he will kill you.
The Muffin Man has various ways of murdering someone. Ranging from a simple poison in the muffins you eat for your birthday, to creating a whole army of muffins that will stalk you everywhere you go then kill you while you're sleeping by climbing down your throat and suffocating you. But do not worry; the Muffin Man is NOT insane. He is merely a little... strange. But if you believe in him then he will make you any kind of muffin you want, ranging from Lemon Muffins to Explosive Nuclear Muffin Bombs (For the more demented of you humans)
Well, I have completed my purpose in life as a muffin, I do hope that you take what I said into consideration and believe in the Muffin Man, because if you don't... HE WILL KILL YOU AND FEED YOU TO HIS MUFFINS!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
This has been Muffin News with Killer Muffin XII, signing off to go take over the world with his master, The Muffin Man.