The following questions are word for word questions I’m being asked to answer for an internship.
The first answers are absolute lies, and the answers in parentheses are my honest answers to these questions.
- Tell Me About Yourself? – I have a bachelor’s degree in English and am looking for a job in the paralegal field (Nothing I could say would make you or me happy. I hate this job, because it makes me feel like I’m whoring myself out for a paycheck. This is the only thing I can do for money right now.)
- How did your education prepare you for the job? – I have a bachelor’s degree in English, and I am a great problem solver and researcher (It didn’t, it made me a cynical untrusting asshole who pushed away all his real friends because they didn’t understand what I’m going through. If anything it broke my dream in half and made me have to work ten times harder to get back to where I was. I used to believe I was a talented author. Now I only think I can write poetry.
- What are your weaknesses? - I have bad handwriting. (I’m an asshole who hates this job and is only doing it for a paycheck. I don’t want to be here, I want to be traveling the world, and seeing friends I’ve never met, but I’m here right now sitting in a chair and whining that the world isn’t favorable to me.)
- What achievements are you most proud of? Getting my bachelor’s degree. (Saving a friend’s life, writing poems and stories for the first time since I was 18. Meeting new people that I want to know better, and possibly love.
- What new skills or ideas do you bring to the job that other candidates aren’t likely to offer? – A different outlook on life that could help the firm adapt. (None, they’ve all been done before)
- Where do you want to be in five years?
Working at a top law firm. (Traveling the world, seeing all I can and experiencing life to the fullest. I want to see indie bands, sleep on a friend’s couch and talk bullshit. I want to party hard and sleep all day, waking up to do it again. In short, I want to live.)