Episode NineMature

Scene 1:

[Draco and the gang are sitting gloomily. Peeves comes in.]

Peeves:(mopily) Copycats.

Draco:(s) I’m no need for your mischievous revelry! I BANISH THEE DEMON!

[Peeves floats out the door, crying.]

Draco:We are (s) defeated.

Crabbe:Why don’t we (s) play something?

Draco:(s) Good idea, Crabbe!

[Crabbe stares adoringly at Draco]

Goyle:(s) That’s not a good idea, Draco.

Draco:(icily) You doubt my opinion, commoner?

Goyle:No. The Patronus… it… it….

Crabbe:(concerned) What is it?

Goyle:(s) It burned my hand off.

[Goyle lifts his arm and reveals the blackened stump which is his hand. Crabbe and Draco scream. Dramatic music.]

Scene 2:

[Harry and Ron are sitting in the Divination classroom, getting ready to begin class]

Ron:Hermione seemed awful mad about missing Charms.

Harry:I’m sure it’ll just blow over.

[Pause.]

Ron:Harry, we’ve been friends a long time.

Harry:(s) The longest.

Ron:Then you (s) know?

Harry:(s) Always.

[Hermione storms in, looking like hell itself.]

Lavender:Oh hey, Her-

Hermione:(spins to face her)PETRIFICUS TOTALUS!

[Lavender slumps in her seat. Hermione sits next to Harry and Ron, obviously still mad.]

Ron:(whispers to Harry) Well, she’s still mad.

Harry:(whispers back) Obviously.

[Trelawney enters, stumbling a little.]

Trelawney:The, uh, the balls. (Points) There. Go, go, stare into them.

[Trelawney falls back into her armchair.]

Hermione:(s) Oh, that is it. (stands up) I’m leaving.

Trelawney:(stirs) Huh?

Hermione:(furious s) HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME LIKE THAT. IT IS ONE THING TO CLAIM TO SEE INTO THE FUTURE BUT IT IS QUITE ANOTHER TO ACCUSE YOUR STUDENT OF LACKING IN ANY SKILL IN DIVINATION AND CALLING HER “MUNDANE”. I DON’T NEED YOU, I HAVE A TIME TURNER!

[Hermione stomps out of the classroom, slamming the door behind her. There is a stunned silence, broken only be the snores of Trelawney, who fell asleep in her armchair.]

Ron:(to Harry) What did she say she had?

Harry:(frowning) I think she said she needed the toilet.

Ron:Ah. (s) So, tonight?

Harry:(s) … tonight.

Scene 3:

[Draco and the gang are still sitting. Draco and Crabbe are still staring at Goyle’s missing hand, a look of horror on their faces.]

Crabbe:(s) Why didn’t you tell us?

Goyle:I… I thought you knew.

Draco:(s) But how could we know?

Goyle:(looks confused) I’m not sure.

Crabbe:(s) We’ve got to get you to Pomfrey!

Goyle:Why?

Crabbe:(s) Because I don’t think that Patronus charm just hurt your hand.

Draco:(gasps) You mean?

Crabbe:Yes. (s) I think it hurt your head as well.

[Dramatic music]

Goyle:(shrugs) Fine, whatever.

Scene 4:

[It is midnight. Harry and Ron face each other in a darkened room lit only by candles that are placed everywhere.]

Ron:(s) Are you sure you’re ready, Harry?

Harry:(gazes into Ron’s eyes) I was born ready.

Ron:(gulps) Here we go.

[Ron takes out his wand, and so does Harry.]

Harry and Ron:(together)

There are some things in the world

That just never grow old

Love is one and so is hope

But also the urge to mope

And the one that can never be missed

Is the one, the only, the epic Bro Fist.

[Thus, Harry and Ron bro fist and it cemented their friendship forever. It was awesome.]

Scene 5:

[Goyle is sitting on a hospital bed. He looks confused. Crabbe and Draco are on each side of the bed. Pomfrey comes in.]

Pomfrey:Yes?

Draco:Our (s) friend, is he-

Pomfrey:(bored) He’s alive.

Crabbe:But can you change him back to (s) normal?

Pomfrey:(frowns) This is normal.

Draco:(s) And his hand?

Pomfrey:I fixed that a week ago. In fact, I have no idea why any of you are here. Get out.

Crabbe:(turns to Draco) What are we-

Pomfrey:I SAID OUT!

[Draco and the gang get up and hightail it to the door. Pomfrey rolls her eyes and starts to make the bed.]

Scene 6:

[Harry is on the Quidditch pitch with the rest of the Gryffindor team. The Slytherin team are in the background, including Draco.]

Harry:(s) Let’s do this.

Wood:Now, now, are we all ready?

George:Well, we’re ready to do some beating.

Fred:This pitch definitely needs some heating.

Wood:Right. (Turns to face the Slytherin team) Here we go.

[Madam Hooch blows her whistle. Everyone starts “flying” around.]

Harry:Is that… the Snitch?

[Harry squints into the distance and does not see Draco sneaking up behind him.]

Draco:(In Harry’s ear) Hey, Potter.

Harry:ARGH! (He pushes Draco away)

Draco:I (s) bet you wish you chose me over Weasley, Potter.

Harry:(s) No. Me and Ron actually had a little ceremony  last night, Malfoy.

Draco:(looks astonished) Did you? You couldn’t have!

Harry:(sees the Snitch) Aha! I see the Snitch.

[Harry lunges for the Snitch, but Draco grabs his broom.]

Draco:(s) What? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

[Hooch blows her whistle.]

Hooch:Penalty for Gryffindor.

[Harry sticks his tongue out at Draco, who is still look shocked.]

Harry:(zooming off) What happened between me and Ron is a private matter. Wait, has he seen it?

[Draco is “flying” towards the Snitch. Harry joins him.]

Harry:(to himself) It’s no use. Unless… (to Draco) Hey, Malfoy.

Draco:(still reaching for the Snitch) What?

Harry:Boobs.

Draco:(spins around) What? Where?

[Harry zips past him and grabs the Snitch.]

Harry:(dismounting and falls to knees) WE WON!

George:WE’VE WON! WE’VE WON!

Fred:HARRY! YOU’RE NUMBER ONE!

Wood:(sobbing and embraces Harry) You were so good out there, little guy.

[Hermione and Ron appear out of nowhere, and they also hug Harry and then collapse on the ground in a heap.]

Harry:(through tears) This is the best moment of my young life!

[Triumphant music]

Scene 7:

[Harry and Ron are sitting in the Gryffindor common room, staring at the Cup. Hermione walks in.]

Hermione:(whistles) Looks good in here.

Harry:(s) I know.

Hermione:(starts to cry) There’s something I have to tell you guys.

Ron:(s) What is it?

Hermione:It’s (s) Buckbeak’s execution date.

Harry:(s) When is it?

Hermione:(s) The last day of exams.

[Dramatic music]

Ron:What’s an animagus?

END OF EPISODE NINE

The End

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