Episode SixMature

Scene 1:

[Draco is staring moodily out onto a snow swept landscape. Crabbe and Goyle approach]

Crabbe: Draco, are you going to be (s) okay?

Draco:I think I’ll be (s) fine.

Goyle:(s) But how are you going to manage your… affliction without us?

Draco:Mother’s taking me to a special clinic in (s) Canada.

[Dramatic music]

Scene 2:

[Harry and the gang are sitting around the fire in the Gryffindor common room]

Ron:Wow, (s) presents!

Hermione:(picks up a large book) My parents love me so much!

Ron:(picks up food) So do mine!

Harry:(stands up and s) My parents are dead.

[Hedwig “flies” in, carrying a broom shaped package]

Ron:(s) I wonder what it is!

Harry:I hope it’s a (s) puppy.

[Harry opens up the package and the Firebolt is there]


Ron:(s) Whoa.



Hermione:(s) Who se-

Harry:(s) I was having a conversation with RON, Hermione. You’re so (s) selfish.

Ron:(s) Who sent it?

Harry:(s) I… I don’t know.

Hermione:(s) Wait. (Picks up paper) Here’s a note.

Harry:(leaps up and rushes to Hermione) What does it say?


Harry:(s) Hermione?

Ron:(s) Hermione?

Hermione:It says… swivel.

[Dramatic music]

Scene 3:

[Crabbe and Goyle are sitting together at a table, each wearing Christmas sweaters. They are holding hands.]

Goyle:Do you think he’ll be (s) alright?

Crabbe:(stares intently into Goyle’s eyes and then turns away) I can’t promise anything.

Goyle:(stands up) That’s it.

Crabbe:(s) What?

Goyle:I can’t (s) stand not knowing how he is or how well he’s doing.

Crabbe:(s) You’re not saying…

Goyle:(s and pause) I am.

Crabbe:(clutches Goyle’s sweater) But we promised!

Goyle:I can’t promise (s) anything.

Crabbe:(falls to floor and sobs) NO!

Goyle:Yes! (s) I’m writing him a strongly worded letter!

[Evil music]

Scene 4:

[Harry and Ron are playing Exploding Snap]

Ron:Harry, there’s (s) something I need to talk to you about.

Harry:(Pauses) I think I know what this is about.

[Hermione bursts in with McGonagall]

Harry and Ron:(simultaneously) OH. MY. MERLIN. HERMIONE!

Hermione:(withering look) Where is it, Harry?

Harry:(s) What?

Hermione:You know very well what I’m talking about, (s) Potter.

[Cue intense five minutes of no dialogue and dramatic music where the camera just flicks between different characters expressions; Hermione’s sternness, Harry’s defiance, Ron’s confusion and McGonagall’s boredom]

Harry:(s) Fine.

[Harry pulls out the Firebolt from under his shirt and gives it to Hermione, who gives it to McGonagall]

McGonagall:Right, it seems okay to me, but the other teachers and I better check it.

Hermione:To check for malicious jinxes, (s) right?

McGonagall:… Yes.

[McGonagall runs away, clutching the broomstick and whooping]

Harry:(rises out of his chair and coldly) Explain yourself.

Hermione:I think someone sent that broom to you to hurt you.

Ron:(s) But who could ever want to hurt Harry?

[Everyone turns to Ron, frowns at him and then continues]

Hermione:(s) Sirius Black.

[Dramatic music]

Harry:I don’t know who that is, (s) but you are banished from my sights!

[Even more dramatic music]

Scene 5:

[Draco is writing a letter whilst wearing a dressing gown. It reads:]

Draco (voiceover):Dearest friends,

While I am deeply touched by your letter, I must inform you that I am doing fine.

Since I am in Canada, there are no credit cards, so I cannot go on a shopping spree. Neither is there internet, as when they previously tried to put it up the moose kept on eating it. My shopaholic-ism, I expect will be over soon, so tell everyone you meet that they shan’t weep themselves to sleep any longer; Draco is returning. I wish you both a very Merry Christmas.




PS It’s apple season here! Best of luck!

Scene 6:

[Harry is outside Lupins office. He is about to knock but pauses]

Harry:(s) Is what I am about to do wrong? If I am destined to faint, who am I to say no? I must consult-

[Lupin opens the door]

Lupin:Oh, hello Harry. What are you doing here?

Harry:Your giving me lessons on how to protect myself against (s)them.

Lupin:… Okay. I think I have a boggart in here. Still has trouble coming out after what Neville did to it.

Harry:(angry s to Lupin) Neville is more of a man than you’ll ever be.

Lupin:(murmurs) Certainly hope so.

Harry:What was that?

Lupin:Nothing! Let’s go inside! (Ushers Harry in)

[Dramatic music]

Scene 7:

[McGonagall, Flitwick and Sprout are all racing around Hogwarts on brooms. McGonagall is riding the Firebolt. Snape walks out]

Snape:You are disturbing my meditation, Minerva.

McGonagall:And you disturbed my broomstick flying. Get ‘em boys!

[Flitwick and Sprout chase Snape away. When they return, McGonagall hands them each a cocktail]

Flitwick:How did you do that?

McGonagall:The real question is; what can I not do? With the new Firebolt™ by my side, the answer is nothing. (Flashes winning smile at camera)

[Theme music: “Buy this broom and your dreams will zoom”]

Scene 8:

[Harry is unconscious on the floor. Lupin is eating something.]

Harry:(waking up) Ugh. Not again. (s) Can I have some?

Lupin:Sure man, it’ll loosen you up.

Harry:Thanks. What type of (s) chocolate is this?


Harry:(finishing eating) Okay, I’m ready.
Lupin: You know, Harry, you remind me so much of your father.

Harry:(s) You knew him?

Lupin:(smiling) Yeah, I sure did.

Harry:(shrugs) Whatever. (s) RELEASE THE DEMON!

[Lupin opens trunk]

Dementor:(remains inside box) izz dat u nevaile?

Lupin:Don’t worry; he can’t reach you in here.


[Dementor gets out of the box]

Dementor:oh mi g iod harry oar shaull I sae vampirf dis is u raven

Harry:(pointing wand at Dementor) Expecto Patronum!

Dementor:so I woke uo iin mii blink one hundead (GEDDIT?) ate too shirt an d putt on dis lyk read n torn satan gown and then I lyk cut myself cedricc iz hagird

Harry:(crying) It’s too powerful! I… I…

[Harry faints.]

Dementor:(turns to Lupin) oh mhy  mer l infs what a pedoa where is did ther egihoeog

Lupin:Back in the box.Incendio.

Dementor:noo sttoppp falmin mei

Scene 9:

[Crabbe and Goyle are reading Draco’s letter.]

Goyle:(s) You know what this means.

Crabbe:(solemn nod) I know.

Together:(whispering) Relapse.

[Dramatic music]


The End

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