winter manifesto

Snow is melting and refreezing; I am melting and refreezing. The alternating blaze and frigidity of my emotions are reshaping the way I walk, the way I talk, the way my eyes curve and translate the world. This winter has whittled me down to my essence and forced me to stare into it. My head hurts. My chest aches with the cough I’ve been nursing for the past week or so. It is all good; I am alive! I am I am I am, thuds my body. I am. I am in love! I cannot wrap myself around it; I swim through it instead, liquid body in liquid reason. Who cares if you’re in love? they say. I am shrieking delight. I care! I care! I care! I catapult logic into the air and swing my body in an arc through space. Who cares where I’m going in the end? I scream. I am going nowhere. I am everywhere! I am in him, I am in myself! The future slices like a scalpel through the tangle of my nerves—this is faith, this is knowing, this is my religion. I believe in my emotions; I believe in our permanence. Laugh at me! I laugh at you—your God doesn’t love you, your God doesn’t hold you while you sleep. I don’t need that. I don’t care! I don’t care! I don’t care! I am the resource, factual and unexplained. Write your papers with my letters: I don’t care. I don’t have to tell you what I want; I want what I have. I am happy and you are not, you are not yourself. I win! I am shrieking delight. I am carving out my way. I am essential; I am unrelenting. I am, I am, I am.

The End

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