Trust Issues and Forever AloneMature

I have trust issues.  I don't trust people.  Why?  I don't know; if you ever find an answer let me know.

Nothing has ever drastically happened to make me afraid.  I just Don't.  Trust.  Anyone.

There are a few, few, exceptions to the aforementioned 'anyone'.  Only three people out of my circle of friends will I say I trust completely.

I'm starting to think that I don't trust because I'm afraid of judgment.  That if people knew the real me they would turn away, leave me, abandon me.

But I'm not afraid of being alone, abandoned.  I'm perfectly content to be alone; even if I'd be alone forever.  

Whenever I've told someone that (that I'm okay with being alone) they look at me in shock.  As though I'm crazy.  Don't I want to marry?  Surely, I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone?

I never said I wanted to be alone.  But I'm not opposed to it.  I can easily picture me living alone, with my books, four adopted children, and 37 cats.  

Okay, maybe minus a cat or two... or 36.

I tie that all in to my trust issues.  

I don't like talking about my feelings (mostly because I can't understand them half the time!) and I hate being dependent on other people.  I am a loner.  The lone wolf.  Afraid to trust, content with loneliness, confused about nearly everything else.

The End

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