I'm just so tired. Like hit-by-a-train-I'm-a-goddamn-wreck tired.
I mean honestly? I just feel so drained- like I was left out in the sun for too damn long. Like my all my energy just evaporated. Just everything I am is exhausted. I dare you- look up exhaustion, my face will be plastered right there next to. Fucking swear. My mind,body, even my soul is just so tired. And the thing is, I don't remember what made me this way. I just don't care anymore.
I don't wanna talk about anything- not what happened over the summer,not how I'm dealing with things,not the fact that I've really wanted to cut (more like carve) out the past six months from my very skin, not the fact that after all this time when I was ready to love and ready to commit to someone for fucking once, I get left behind.I don't wanna talk about how I still just don't get how I'm never good enough for anyone.
I wanna talk about how alone I feel. I wanna talk about everyone has suddenly replaced me and I no longer matter anymore- I wanna talk about how much it really fucking sucks to be standing on the outside looking in all over again. I wanna talk about how no one tells me anything anymore,no one asks for my opinion, no one wants to hear what I have to say, and the worst thing of all? No one seems to hear me when I'm literally begging for them to. I'm invisible, and it hurts.
I'm just getting sadder and sadder every day, and its driving me crazy. I guess the days of me feeling 'okay again' are over. I had really been hoping they'd last a long while.....