Top Five Funniest Things I've Ever Heard A Person Say

 5. In the Gym I was watching one of the televisions showing George Foreman, Lennox Lewis and Barry McGuigan talk about an upcoming boxing fight. A girl behind me on one of the exercise bikes turned to her friend and said 'What does he know about boxing? He just does them grills!' Possibly funny just because I'm a boxing fan but I found it funny.

4. On a train travelling to London it just so happened that one of the food cart trolley things caught on fire. The announcer came over the tannoy very came explaining the situation and how everything was completely under control when a little frightened voice echoed in the back ground saying 'Gary! It's burning! What we gonna' do!'

3. On a bus this time in my home city of Leeds when a small child kept chirping up in the background just saying 'Mum' over and over again. When the Mother of said child finally said 'What!' the kid would say something so bland and boring that it was almost as annoying as the constant mantra he had but it shut him up for a few minutes before he started up again with the 'Mum, Mum, Mum.' The woman sighed and I heard her whisper 'I can't believe how happy I was the first time you said that word.'

2. With my friends in the common room of our college watching the news when it comes on about Somali Pirates. My friend Jess shoots up from her art book and says. 'Why do they still call them pirates! Its soooo old fashioned. If you get mugged you don't call them a highwayman.'

1. (I'll remember this until the day I die) Sat in maths class several years ago doing calculus when my friend Lydia's calculator decided to stop working so she began gently tapping it against her desk in an effort to make it work. When that didn't work she hit it harder and harder until she was making such a racket the teacher spun around and bellowed at the top of his lungs 'LYDIA! HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF I BANGED YOU AGAINST THE DESK!' We didn't stop laughing for three weeks.

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