Today, Tomorrow, Forever.

This was just a little experiment, an experiment which I kind of liked. It's pretty short.

The silky dampness that coated by eyes wouldn’t leave, in fact more kept coming. And I didn’t stop it, quite simply because I didn’t want it to stop. It was a comfort to me, to my beating heart and my throbbing head, to know that my body wasn’t so useless - that it would work when needed.

And then that same, incomparable feeling thrust itself down upon me. Like my heart was being held in someone’s hand, and slowly but firmly, they would squeeze and the breath rolling through my throat would fall flat and melt its way back down to my cold lungs. I suppose that was comforting too because routine can sometimes be a relief.

Sometimes I wonder why no one came to me, why no one heard me. I wish they had, it would’ve made be happier. But no one ever came to me, maybe they were scared of what they would see or find. I knew they knew, I knew they had seen. And I would think it selfish on their part that they didn’t pay attention, but I was naïve to think such a thing. Childish.

I found myself smudging away the tears even though they were my only companion. My life seems to be filled with tears, but that isn’t a complaint. Tears make things so real, so audible and tangible. They made me feel, after being so numb, they made me hurt.

My bed was cold, my room was colder. My body freezing, even under the thick blanket. It didn’t protect me. It never will. I don’t feel safe anymore, not from myself, not from people. The person staring through my window sends brittle shivers down my spine. He won’t leave. He brings more people. And they stare harder, making me feel like I’ll drown in their contemptuous glares.

And while I’d drown, my senses would sink faster. Leaving my head empty for sinister cuts. As they implant themselves into my gullible mind, I’d think. I won’t stop, I can’t fight it. They come in, briskly, one after the other, and they never leave. They fight harder than anything which I have encountered. The harder I try to forget, the harder they singe themselves into the dark curves of my head.

The sky turns grey. Then a purple. Then an orange. More subtly though, easily. I don’t want to watch it change, but I find myself transfixed upon the disgusting beauty of it. The rays of light from the blessed sun ease their way into my room. Creating tendrils of dust which rose majestically, like they lived, into the source of the light, and then disappeared. I wish I could do that. Disappear. I am nothing, so I should be nothing. I want those lights to take me, burn through me. Split me into two. Pierce my thumping heart.

The End

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