(Authors Note: I do not usually repost work, as I feel it's sort of cheating. However, something in my heart tells me to do so right now. So here in full is one of my favorite poems I have ever written with some needed updates, as I feel the message was lost.. So this one is for all the Tainted Saints.)
Upon hearing her response to my impassioned letter sent through understanding, my eyes view hers. They are of the purest silver plating, staring out into my eyes in silent remembrance of a heart that loved her, but haunted by the past that she fears becomes her. She runs out onto the mountain pass, and emboldened by a glance, pauses for me and I follow, pulling her in my arms to shield her from harm. The ocean below us repeats itself in it's gentle rhythm, calm but deadly, awaiting the decision of the tainted saint and I.
As to whom the tainted saint is, she who reads this promise knows to whom I keep it to, so I address this, Tainted Saint, to You.
“Your arms like lead, thy heart dead,
Limbs limp like brittle leaves on decaying trees
You hang amongst the edge that invites you to disaster
And I too, join you, here and forever after
To try to coax you, not to leap off the ledge, but into my arms
To confide in me, no matter what you feel is harming you
I don’t love either, I hate all my friends too
Left them all on a deserted road, when they ignored my incessant chatter
‘Stay, Stay!’ I called, and heard from no one hereafter
I cannot hug what leaves me in the fog in mourning
Nor make them slaves to a heart I haven’t dug in the morning
I too want to be a master, let my emotions run free
Ignore the depression and control my aggression to suppress their rage at me
To possess their hearts, as they have possessed mine
Art is my favorite con, and I am the scammer
Leading the sheep to some mad hatted shepherd and leaving them in my wake like nothing mattered
I see your desperation calling out to the savior that would gain your adoration
A cry to you, oh tainted saint that hath become my muse
If you read these lines, written in silence, know I am with you
Powerful can be a heart that is understood in all its thickened gloom
And I care. Our Lord knows it too.
I’ve never had a girlfriend, for my heart is always open bare. Loving everyone; even those who despised the smile and glancing stare. Do you know why? Because my soul bleeds through every word I speak. Even if they are only read by me, I too left my friends to their own devices, because they tried making me into a copy of themselves in their greed. You are not greedy because you want space. You are protecting your heart from their unknown bitter disgrace. You asked who could follow you into the darkness. I shall, mademoiselle.
Your insecurities are what make you unique, not self centered. In you, I see a microcosm of beauty, cascaded by your fear which only exudes your soul's loveliness."
She looks at me with a smile, laughs softly and stares awhile.
"My life has been spent caring for others, my heart an open hole for people I don't know to come and invade and likely stay, and so I do what I do best. Your writing inspired all my own, and that is the next thing I shall address.
If a total stranger wrote your works of prose and fiction, you would have a new author to love reading. You would praise him or her for days, and when that author was down, you would wonder why and try to help. There are so many reasons for our suffering. Abandonment from mother and father, or one and not the other, although they think we don't have anything wrong with us, because we hide behind that mask of insecurity, a sister's eating disorder, a thankless job to do as we must do, because like it or not, it's what you were called to do, even if it isn't ideal.
Yes, even janitors serve God's plan, even plumbers, food and mattress testers, the stranger handing you twenty dollars because He said 'Hand this stranger twenty dollars' and you know he asked, 'Why', but did it anyway.
We aren't given the keys to our future without the instruction, even though often times that instruction is vague and we need a dictionary to understand the words that are supposed to be simple, we still read because we must. Divine inspiration will come when He decides it shall."
And then He speaks loudly and I repeat for Him.
"The pain you feel shall be healed. The love you give shall be returned tenfold. Know this and remember that there are reasons for a lonely December."
I let the moment pass, allow my arms to slip across her waist and grasp her.
"You are never alone. I see your pain. You are never alone."
I pull her to the face of the mountain and read from the Book passages He tells me to.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 New International Version
"So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith, for all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus." - Galatians 3 26-29 New International Version.
"God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those under the law, that we might receive adoption to sonship. Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, “Abba, Father.” So you are no longer a slave, but God’s child; and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir." Galatians 4, 4-7
"You were running a good race. Who cut in on you to keep you from obeying the truth? That kind of persuasion does not come from the one who calls you. “A little yeast works through the whole batch of dough.” I am confident in the Lord that you will take no other view. The one who is throwing you into confusion, whoever that may be, will have to pay the penalty." Galatians 5 7-12 New International Version
"For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” - Galatians 5 14 New International Version
"Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves. Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing themselves to someone else, for each one should carry their own load. Nevertheless, the one who receives instruction in the word should share all good things with their instructor.
Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers." - Galatians 6, 1-10 New International Version.
I finish the readings, proclaiming:
"And so I will do as the Law of God says."
Her mouth opens and she whispers,
"Prove it to me."
And she ran and leapt off that ledge into the abyss below her.
And I did too.