Women struggle everyday with body image in recent years. Here are some of my thoughts as a person about my body. My journal if you will.
So let's start with this, like most girls/women/female identifying people, I have a pinterest. Sure, I dream of planning a wedding, or decorating my house, or of a makeup transformations to take my beauty and show it off to the world. Recently, as a medical student, I've been trying to make some healthier choices. Not to diet, but to have my regular diet include more healthy foods. Not to work out excessively, but to be more active. In short, to not be short sighted, but for a slow transition into a healthier lifestyle and to have this change be long term.
It amazes me, when I search for a healthier meal, what I find. Just type in healthy and on the top of the page while undoubtedly be a promoted pin for weight lose. Pins for smoothies, detoxes, workouts, and workout clothes litter the page. And the worst? Pins sprinkled all around the page, different pictures and websites, all claiming "Foods to avoid to lose weight."
Be clear, this is for healthy, not diet, not weight loss, but healthy! Look we all know that potato chips and ice cream aren't good for us, but seriously!? Oh and here's something to note, detoxes get rid of toxins, right? Guess what else does that, your kidneys and liver! They do that as their job!!! Detoxes DO NOTHING!!!!
What is this world coming to? Thigh gap scandals and shaming of celebrities when they don't conform to the pressure to loose their baby weight months to weeks after child birth. I do not pretend that this didn't exist when I was younger, but it was not like this. Ask any girl what do they wish they could change about their bodies and not only could they answer you, they could also give you the history of why they want to change that part of themselves.
My part? My thighs, or more correctly, my thunder thighs. I remember the first time I wore shorts to school after my thighs came in at full force. Boys in my class looked at my short fat legs that bulged at the bottom of my shorts, and uttered not so quietly "disgusting" and "gross." The shame and embarrassment that came upon me that day have haunted me ever since. As a 23 year old woman starting to plan out the start of my life, I only own one pair of long shorts. I refuse to wear them in public. I have started working out in preparation for my wedding, in about... 2 years. Can you guess what part I'm focusing on?
Honestly, I want to be happy with my body. And my man does his part. He tells me that he loves my thighs, that my thighs beckon him into the the glorious lightening, shining gems that reside at their meeting (to paraphrase Maya Angelou). That my thighs are wonderful pillows that he rests his head upon as we browse Netflix or talk about a million nothings. I wish I could say that the slap of my thighs empowers me. I wish that my body and mind could make amends and that I could dance and enjoy life.
I'm releasing that it is a journey. That each day, I work a little bit toward acceptance. My goal is to be healthier, mentally and physically. So exercise, be active, and then find one outfit that makes me sparkle, from the inside out. A flowy dress or a jeans that fit just right. For me, its a journey to looking at the stretch marks on my thighs and not just accepting them, but owning them. So my thunder thighs may clap, they may jiggle, and even chaff. But how else would you announce a goddess in mortal form? We are, all of us, something divine wrapped in the carb atoms that traversed galaxies millennia before your creation. We used to know this. We are on the road to learning it once again.