The Will To Die



I don't know how to start this, so i'm just going to put pen to paper and write until i end up where i want to be. Then i'll write some more.

Actually, that's as good a start as any; if i ever get to write anything again, i'll remember that.

I decided to kill myself the other day. All because of a girl. You are probably imagining a scene of heartbreak and sadness, of crying and of a sulkish decision, but it was nothing like that. This was a positive, uplifting decision. Something that brought calm and happiness to me. I guess I better explain.

I've not been happy with life for a while. If i think about it, i've not been content for any decent period of time after my travels around North America. Life just seems to hurt, these days. Physically, partially, mentally mostly. Now say that ten times fast. Depression is a constant friend, ready to tap you on the shoulder at a moments notice, should it catch you smiling or, heaven forbid, laughing. Anxiety lives in my chest, and i often find myself on the verge of panic from too many thoughts thundering around my head. I have to live alongside an empathy that is so sensitive that other people's sadness can plunge me instantly into depths of despair. I find myself constantly wanting to be in love and be loved, and as a result, always feeling alone when there is no one there.

So to not exist would be to escape all of this pain and general hassle of life, and I had been toying with the idea for some time, although never seriously considering it. That was, until I met Vee.

The End

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