After all that I mentioned in the previous chapter, I still felt like I had something to prove to them.
I had always acted like I was cool, though I tried avoiding everything they did. I made people laugh and tried to win them over with my personality.
But it wasn't enough.
I had to be just like all of them. I had to swear a lot. I had to talk about "having fun". I had to talk about and do everything that they did. Otherwise I can't be cool. I saw this 3/4 of the way through school, so I quit trying to be cool to them. I stopped trying to be funny. I stopped trying to be someone who wasn't completely me.
I made them laugh through things I didn't use in humor. It was more like humor at someone else's cost. So, I quit. I wasn't going to change for them. I wasn't! I prayed to God about this quite a few times and he helped me through it.
I then continued the rest of sixth grade quietly. Getting straight A's, except one B+ that I almost cried about.