Where the pain grew worse

Personal growth through pain of loss

The worst day of my adult life so far was October 21, 2013. My feline soulmate died in the early morning hours. He had been at the animal hospital since October 19, 2013. He was dying and I was devastated. He was the most important part of my life for 11 years. His health had been deteriorating for a while and I was in denial. Losing him would push me over the edge and into an abyss of severe depression and extreme suicidal behavior. I had always thought that when his death came that I would immediately take my own life. I had prepped myself for suicide for years if he died. But, when I received the call, I had known for a few hours that he was gone. It still killed me to hear the words that made his death final. I screamed and threw the phone away from me and ran like a bat out of hell. Part of me wanted to break into dad's gun safe and shoot myself; while another part of me wanted to stay strong. later that day, I found myself on a pet adoption web site. I found a link to a nearby animal shelter and found a reason besides my family and other cat, to live. I found a wee tiny Hemingway Polydactyl  Russian Blue kitten. I knew from one look at his picture on the shelter web site that, that wee one was meant for me. I officially welcomed him into my life on October 25, 2013. I went down to the shelter and made it 100% official that he is mine. He has made the pain of losing my soul mate a little more bearable.    My life was good for an entire 2 months. Exactly 2 months after I lost my beloved feline soulmate, my younger sister died from a drug overdose. She had some really awful things said to her and she did something that took her away from us forever. She had been sober for a while and suddenly overdosed and died. She was on life support for the legal 3 days before they could take her off and officially declare death. She died on December 23, 2013 according to her death certificate. Technically, it was December 21, 2013 that she was already gone. Things have been so bleak for my entire family since the fall of 2013. My mother took my sister's death the hardest. I was, to be completely honest relieved. I know it's a harsh thing to be relieved that my little sister died, She had done some things to me that I absolutely can never, ever forgive. She had wronged me too many times and I hardened my heart completely at the mere subject of her. I can't forgive and let go of the things she did to, not only me, but the whole family.  

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