OTHELLO: She swore, in faith, t’was strang, t’was wondrous strange ... if I had a friend I ... errr ... Iago, stop pulling faces at me or I’ll come over there and shove your boot up your nose!
IAGO: Lay thy finger thus –
RODERIGO: No, you rotten pervert!
OTHELLO: He that stirs next to carve for his own rage –
CASSIO: Yeah, peace dudes!
OTHELLO glares at CASSIO. IAGO pops up at his shoulder and smiles sweetly.
IAGO: Can I stab him for you?
OTHELLO: Yes please.
CASSIO: Wait, what? Oh no, no no no, Iago, no, no no no! (runs off the stage with IAGO in hot pursuit)
IAGO: I hate the Moor –
OTHELLO: Oi! I heard that!
IAGO: DO NOT INTERRUPT ME WHEN I’M MONOLOGUING!
IAGO: I ha’t, it is engendered. (turns and shouts offstage) Quick, Roddy-boy, to the Batmobile!
RODERIGO (dying): Oh thou damned dog!
IAGO stabs him and runs back to CASSIO.
RODERIGO: He did it!
IAGO (throwing his hat at RODERIGO): Shut up and die already!
EMILIA: Madam, here comes my lord.
CASSIO: Madam, I’ll take my leave.
OTHELLO: Yeah, you’d better run, you pansy!
DESDEMONA: His bed shall seem a school ... no, that’s not right is it? No, someone wrote that in there, Iago was that you?
IAGO: Why do I always get the blame for everything? (jumps into Othello’s arms and starts sobbing)
OTHELLO pats him awkwardly, while giving the audience a “what is this!?” face
EMILIA: What, ho!
CASSIO (offstage): You talking about me?
IAGO and MONTANO giggle-shriek
OTHELLO (mid monologue, when he loses his place): Oh hang on ... bah, THE DEVIL WEARS PANTALOONS!
DIRECTOR: Aaaaand that’s a wrap guys!
RODERIGO: Actually that’s my lunch...