Mr Rayne: First, I would like to introduce two new pupils, be nice to Danny and Wilhelmina.
Chantelle: Yeah okay, whatevez, we already know em.
Aaron (to Gordon): Fucking hell them two, are gonna run off and join the… others.
Charmaine: Were being outnumbered.
Chantelle: Fuck, with Ryan gone, that leaves only me, (to Charmaine) you, Aaron, Gordon, Chelsea and Helpless TA.
Helpless TA: Since when did I say, I was a chav like you idiots?
Chelsea: OMG, Helpless TA you're not a chav! YOU BETRAYED US! YOU HANG OUT WITH US, HOW COULD YOU?!
Helpless TA: In case you have failed to realise, which you probably have. I don't hang around with you, by own free will, because I have a fucking chain attached on my ankle, so I'm dragged around by you!
Chelsea: Really? Oh my God…
Thomas: Finally come to that realisation, have we Chelsea?
Gordon: What da fuck you grinning at?
Thomas: Finally I outnumber you; I'm happy; in fact (in black women voice) I'VE GOT THE POWER!
Sasha: No boy, you got yourself, I got the power.
Jaya (to Thomas): Never do that again.
Thomas: Okay, just getting a little over my head there.
Mr Rayne: Well there's the bell, off you go you, young, little, runts and remember, that many of you are still my naughty list.
Greg: You don't let stuff drop do you sir?
Mr Rayne: No bloody way I don't.
Chantelle: Well it's okay, I like being on the naughty list, wanna get naughty for the prom sir?
Melody: The spirits tell me to leave the classroom, what follows will not be pleasant.
Alan: T-that's not the spirits… t-that's me.
Melody: Oh, okay.
Alan: Li-listen Mel-Melody, I- I was- just- th-thinking- y-you know,- if- if you would like- to- well- go to- the prom together?
Melody: Of course Alan, I may not be romantically attached to you, but for companionship at the prom and to have a good time, I will dance with you, were just friends right?
Alan (disappointed, but trying to cover this with a smile): Y-yeah- ju-just f-friends, that's cool.
Chantelle: That's what they all say, before they fuck.
Joey: Oh will yew give it break?
Chantelle: Not in my nature.
Charmaine: So Sasha your lesbian date's gone, who now?
Sasha: For the last time I ain't no lesbian?! And what the hell, I'll just ask… Gordon.
Gordon: Naw way blad, you talkin to me fam, you talking to me fam? Well yow fuckin ugly cunt, you big and black, I doe shit wiv yow, I roll as Pimp, wiv mah homiees shagging bitches, getting my do$$ and my cunt… I fuck da shit of sexah gals wiv big tits. I like do Coke, Heroin, and shit and drugs and get drunek every nite with my crew, like 2nite I do shit wiv my niggas, and get drunek because of YOLO, I'm straight and ave a fuckin ripped bodieh, I tell u this cause of LOL, b4 I was 11 I was out dat da club cause I'm fucking player and I'm da man!
(Very long pause)
Imogen: Wat? Can you say that again? In English?
Sasha: BOI! GET YOUR SKINNY, BLACK, ASS ,OVER THIS IS DAMN MINUTE AND STOP SPEAKIN' MONG, OR SO HELP ME I'LL SLAP YOU SKINNY ASS, TILL IT'S BLEEDIN'!
Gordon: (terrified all of a sudden) Okay.
Aaron: Da fuck Gordon? You changed your mind quickly.
Gordon: Just one fucking prom ay it mate? Besides I'll bang the shit outta her.
Sasha: Yeah, I'd love to see you try.
Imogen: (Stopping outside Mrs Conrad's room) Well mum's not in.
Joey: For now at least.
Imogen: So guys, can we talk about something other than the prom? Before Sasha turns Gordon into a human pancake?
Chantelle: Nah man, Prom man, oh by the way Aaron, you're coming with me.
Aaron: Alright then, gotta hit that fanny.
Thomas: That easier than breathing.
Chelsea: It should be difficult then.
*Thomas looks ready, to jump off a building*
Charmaine: And I'll go with… (looks around and sees Gordon and Aaron are taken, but then looks at her crush…)
Jack: I saw this coming.
Danny: Bro help me out here I don't wanna go with her.
Jack: Why do you keep calling me Bro?
Danny: Because biologically, I'm your older half- brother, so I'm entitled to call you my brother. Why, what's wrong? Embarrassing?
Jack: It's impossible to get used to and I still can't get my head round it.
Charmaine: You can both give me head at the prom.
Jack and Danny (identically): Shut up!
(Charmaine is silent)
Jack: If you don't like Charmaine, then who are you gonna ask Bro?
Danny: Calling me bro now? Good start Jackie boy, but… I….
Jack: Just ask her out now.
Danny (panicking): In front of anyone!?
Jack: It will get around anyway.
Danny: Fine... Imogen, you wanna gonna go to prom with me?
Imogen (surprised) Oh Danny I… erm…
Danny: You weren't planning on asking anyone else, were you?
Imogen (blushing): No… I thought we ended it Danny. You want to give it another go?
Danny: I guess, I do. Now don't make me say anything else romantic.
Imogen: I guess I kinda feel the same about you too. (smiling) so come here you big doofus! (Hugs him as he stands rigidly, but he grins to himself )
Greg (out of the blue): Hang on a sec... don't anybody think, that an 18 year old boy dating a 15 year girl, is a little… odd…
Imogen: Well no I'm fine with it.
Chantelle: (To Greg) Somebody's jealous.
Greg (blushing): Am not! I was just wonderin' because…
Wilhelmina: Well if everyone here is fine with age gaps, I'm just gonna get it out there, Hey Joey! Wanna go to the prom with me!?
Joey: Sure thing.
(Everyone is silent)
Chantelle: That’s Distuging! A 16 year old boy with an 18 year old girl, ugh!
Charmaine: Dirty, stupid, cougar, leading a man on.
Wilhelmina: Oh so Danny and Imogen can go out, when his three years older than Imogen. Yet I'm two years older than Joey and suddenly its revolting?
Chelsea: Yeah it's bad, ay it Chantelle?
Chantelle: Yeah I know, talk about double standards.
Wilhelmina: Says you, in fact let's talk about standards.
Joey: Look I'm going with Wilhelmina end of.
Aaron: Why thought look, at her fam she's fuck ugly.
Joey: She ain't, she just needs a haircut.
Gordon: Stinks likes shit as well.
Wilhelmina: Anything else you guys want to say, I'm loving all the compliments.
Chantelle: Ugh your face.
Charmaine: You're wearing no make-up, you tramp.
Wilhelmina: Really? It took you that long notice that?
Joey: Guys look I'm asking her because, well I guess…
Wilhelmina: I've had a little crush, on Joey ever since, he saved my life back at the castle and yeah I mean have ya seen his bodieh!
Imogen: Yeah, I suppose that's why Chantelle and Charmaine, are jealous and bitching at you.
Chantelle and Charmaine (going red): WERE NOT JEALOUS MAN!
Joey: Yew keep telling yourself that, anyhow Willie you accept my offer.
Wilhelmina: Of course (Chantelle throws up)
Thomas: Seriously? It's not bad.
Chantelle: It ay just that it's the fucking bab, in my belly wish it just come out already.
Florence (to gain attention and stir controversy) YES WELL, I AM 16! AND GREG IS 15! I ART ALSO A COUGAR!
Florence: I DON'T CARE! I…
Imogen: (singing): … love it, I crashed my car into the bridge... (receives odd stares) oh come on guys, nothing wrong with a few songs, especially with prom coming up in all.
Sasha: Gurl, you really need to stop singing.
Alan: (Bursting out) BECAUSE YOUR VOICE, IS FUCKING TERRIBLE! I… I m-mean… it's- n-not –g-g-good… (Faints)
Joey: What's up with Alan? Why'd he faint?
Melody: I sense a… danger.
(Imogen shuffles closer to Danny for protection)
Imogen: You're quite warm Danny, I wouldn't mind cuddling up to you, on our little prom date.
Danny: Well I...(Feels breathing down his neck… and slowly turns around and sees the reason Alan fainted, as Mrs Conrad has silently arrived)
Mrs Conrad: So, you are going to be courting my daughter? Again! After you so cruelly broke her heart last time!?
Imogen: Mum it wasn't like that… (Laughs then turns to Danny) RUN!
(Danny bolts off instantly, with Mrs Conrad following him, everyone else walks into lesson as usual, there's a crash followed by a squeal. After 5 minutes of waiting, the door opens slowly and a bloody Danny limps in, followed by Mrs Conrad, Danny takes his seat as does Mrs Conrad)
Mrs Conrad: Now that has been sorted.
Mrs Conrad: It's time to discuss the prom, right it will take place tomorrow, night here at school, blah, blah, blah… find a date… blah, blah, bloody blah, laugh at the people who haven't found a date, to make them feel terrible about themselves like they should. Then go home and probably start breeding, like the out of control animals, you are.
(Everyone turns to Chantelle, who is masturbating on her desk)
Chantelle: What's everyone looking at me for?
Mrs Conrad: Oh Chantelle and you wonder why the cleaners, clean your desk with 10 pairs of latex gloves on, right now onto English, as the GSCE's still approach.
(The lesson passes dully, from then on out, the gang enter the next lesson which is Science with Mr. Tedious)
Chantelle: Alrite Sir, you found a prom date yet?
Mr Tedious: Can't be arsed, now after yesterday, just let me sleep. I've never done so much running in my life.
Imogen: But you weren't even at the hospital ,you were with Mr Rayne burning those tapes.
Mr Tedious: You don't understand the effort, of getting up, lighting a fire… and burning. Ugh, to much effort, in fact too much effort to talk, now so let me sleep and…
(drifts off, leaving everyone to do no work at all)
Thomas: Damn it! I'm going to fail these exams, because of him!
Imogen: Aren't we all?
Greg: Hey you guys, I've been thinkin' about sumthin'.
Florence: My double D bosom's?
Jack: Florence your boobs ain't that big, anyhow.
Florence: They most certainly are!
Jack: (pulling stuffing from Florence's bra) Really?
Florence: RAPE! HE TOUCHED MY BREASTS! GREG, KILL HIM!
Greg: Bit extreme don't you think Florence, he was only tryin' to prove…
Sasha: Oh you will lot be quiet over there! I…
Jaya: THOMAS! DO YOU WANT TO COME TO FUCKING PROM WITH ME!?
(Fairly long pause)
Thomas: Erm okay… bit of random time and a bit vocal of a way to get your point across, but sure.
Chelsea (turning to Helpless TA): I ain't got no-one to go with.
Helpless TA: Oh what a shame, believe me I really feel for you.
Chelsea: So you're coming with me.
Helpless TA: Really? Well with me still chained to you, I haven't got a choice have I?
Chelsea: No I mean you've got to be my date.
Helpless TA: What and why?
Chelsea: You're my date, because there needs to be a lesbo couple there, Chantelle and Charmaine said so.
Helpless TA: And if Chantelle and Charmaine told you jump off a cliff, would you?
Chelsea: What's a cliff? Like Cliff Richard?
Helpless TA: Oh fuck it, you wouldn't die when you hit the bottom anyhow.
Chelsea: So miss you coming out with me?
Helpless TA: No fucking way, in fucking hell, I am getting romantically attached to you! It's wrong, disturbing and basically fucked up on so many levels.
Chantelle: That ay a valid excuse miss.
Helpless TA: And I suppose you'd have sex with your dad?
Chantelle: Already have, well my original dad, my step dad, my mum's boyfriends and…
Joey: Hang on a sec, what? Ugh God, no wonder yew is so messed up.
Chantelle: You call it that Joey, I call it sexually prepared.
Chantelle: Anyhow that's in the past now, mum's dead after that psycho Kyle got her and now with have to live in (silently says it) that place.
Joey: What place?
Thomas: Well after our parents' deaths, Priest decided to house us all in that massive church he lives in.
Greg: Hang on, Melody you live in the church?
Melody: There is a large house to the side, I reside in but yes we do accommodate the church too, it is a large enough place.
Wilhelmina: So to put it basically, you, Alan, Sasha, Thomas, Jaya, Aaron, Gordon, Charmaine, Chantelle, Chelsea and Helpless TA live there!
Helpless TA: No, Chelsea's aunt survived. I call it damn, dumb, luck.
Danny: So it's the 9 of you? With priest looking after you?
Chantelle: He does a good job.
Joey: Thomas I'm so sorry.
Thomas: Meh, I just avoid her most of the time, still I can't believe my parents were sill alive this time a few days back and now... (sighs)
Greg: See you guys? This is what I'm tryin' to say, there's no law or constructed order in this town. You guys able to move in with priest without any legal forms or anything like that.
Aaron: You saying that's a fucking bad thing!
Greg: No! I'm just sayin' there’s a lack of care and attention in this town.
Danny: Well things have defiantly improved since you arrived Greg, trust me.
Greg: I know they have, but it's still inadequate and if I do something soon, the town will fall back into disrepair... real disrepair where chavs will run wild and stab whoever doesn't meet their fancy.
Imogen: Changing a town, can't occur in a day Greg, It will take years at the least.
Greg: I know, but if I do something drastic, something bound to change a law in this town then… then I can do it!
Thomas: Do what? What are you planning?
Greg: Well if Mr Masterbate can make a tape, so can I! I'm gonna record it today, showing how bad this town still is and then send it off to… you guessed it! Parliament!
Imogen: Parliament? You really think the MP's are gonna even watch it, they don't care Greg.
Greg: I'll make em care!
Thomas: Hang on a sec… when the school was being destroyed by Black Crestors, Mrs Conrad told us that we should flee to an area like London, or somewhere down south because… they had the proper police to sort this!
Greg: Exactly! Think about Terry and Kerry, they were only 2 police officers but they knew their job alright and they saved our asses more than once, imagine a whole force of well-trained police officers, an MP watches my tape, our plea for change and they finally decide to do something about it? They send proper police up here, insert some proper laws and BOOM this town is on its way to changing, so people like George and Lucy didn't die in vain!
Jack: This could actually work!
Greg: Exactly! Like the posh area, we have here, the bubble! It's untouched by the chavs! It's living evidence that areas can overcome chavs and their morale wrongs, if they can help us. Not like the Fawcett's no, we can't sink to that level, we try and kill every chav, we just become like them.
Chelsea: But you've already killed some chavs Greg.
Helpless TA: Well observed Chelsea, now go fetch and key and get me the fuck of these chains!
Chelsea: What's a key?
(Helpless TA looks like she's ready to give up on life altogether)
Greg: I may have killed Leanne and Frank and there's no excusing that, we can't change this town guys, we either end up savagely killing others, or being killed off ourselves and so far what's it all been for? A little change? No! We can't become what Steve became, we beat this town so Steve, Terry, Kerry, George, Lucy, everyone didn't die for nothing!
Gordon (wiping away a tear): Beautiful.
Gordon: I mean, like bullshit fam.
Aaron: See Greg this is ya problem, us chavs doe wanna change you're being a fucking killjoy.
Greg: I ain't being a killjoy, you wanna be a chav? Fine. you wanna kill people? Fine. I'm not taking your freedom from you, I'm just tryin' to make sure that if you do that, you'll pay for what you've done wrong, this town lets you run free, with a lack of any rules and that's what I wanna change.
Chantelle: So basically we should all go to prison now because we've all killed people, even you.
Greg: Well yeah,, I have but…
Chantelle: Then your whole speech is hypocritical.
Greg: No it ain't.
Chantelle: Yeah it is.
Greg: No it ain't.
Chantelle: Yeah it is.
Greg: No it ain't.
Chantelle: Yeah it is.
Greg: No it…
Florence: ENOUGH! THE TEST HAS BEEN UNVEILED! I HAVE BREAST CANCER AND NOW I ART SUFFER DEATH!
Jack: Attention, whore, alert.
Greg: Oh come on Florence get up. (Florence does so) So basically that's what, (Obama style) I want change.
Imogen: Hang on, we've got rid of Kyle but what if... well what if the higher…
Chantelle: The fucking what?
Imogen: The higher, it's my nickname for the anonymous people, who wanted to kill Daz. Who seem to have complete control over this town.
Chantelle: Dumb nickname.
Sasha: I could say the same about your name.
Chantelle: Chantelle is a common, normal, name actually.
Sasha: Yeah, in a town as fucked up and as tacky as this.
Chantelle: You starting on me you…!
Danny: Ladies, before you pass 9 on the richter scale, can we get back to the point? (Everyone is quiet as Danny speaks on) Imogen has a point though Greg (Imogen smiles at Danny for this) what if those people, do try and attack you, or target you?
Greg: That's partly what I hoping for, so I can find out who they are and what they want and why they do, what they do.
(Mr Tedious, jerks awake as the bell rings)
Mr Tedious (mumbling): You do your work?