(The Next Morning)
Greg: WHAT IN AN ENTIRE NATION, DO YOU MEAN WERE IN SCHOOL?!
Daz: She sent me a text, get them in school or else.
Greg: BUT AFTER EVERYTHING…!
Daz: Fuckin' hell just go in already, will ya!?
Greg: I REFUSE!
Joey: LOL, Greg come on, before Mrs Conrad gets us both.
Greg (sighing): I guess, but still…
Daz: Oh yeah, there's some Prom on tomorrow, today is the day, you need to find a date.
Greg: WHAT?! HOW CAN SHE DROP ALL OF THIS ON US, SO SOON AFTER THOSE EVENTS AND SO…!
Daz: Oh hello, I got another text, it's from her, it says...
(Pauses and reads it out)
Daz: GREG SHUT UP AND COME INTO SCHOOL, OR ELSE I WILL DROP SOME OF MY FATAL AXE-WIELDING MOVES,, ONTO YOUR HILLBILLY BACKSIDE VERY SUDDENLY!
(Greg gulps and is silent)
Joey: But how did she here that, from here?
Wilhelmina: (from distance): I DUNNO, BUT FUCK LOGIC, HEY!
(Just then there is a knock on the door, Joey answers it and a Muslim women walks in timidly, with her family behind her; she is covered head to toe in a burka)
Greg: Erm... WTF?
Daz: Oh Alrite, here's Jamz.
Daz: Jasmine… doe say that aloud.
Greg: Yeah erm… Daniel why is she here?
Daz: Well I arranged us to meet here, y'know she lives nearby and well she advertised herself on the website and…
Greg: Daniel, which website was this?
Daz: Fucking hell Greg, I dunno some dating site, I browsed a few.
Joey (checking the downstairs computer at Daz's browsing history): WHAT!? Daniel… Daz… whatever, you went on a Muslim dating site?
Daz: She weren't just on that site, she's on all the porno sites as well.
Greg: Daniel! Please tell me! You don't think she's the LiveJasmine that keeps popping up on Porno websites?
Daz: Well they have the same name, course it's her.
*Greg Facepalm, at Daz's stupidity*
Jamz's father: Wait a minute; you are not a Muslim like you promised?
Greg (unhelpfully): Catfished. Like a trout.
Daz: (to Jamz father): Well what's the prob? Fucking hell, so what if she's Muslim, she's fit for shagging ay she?
(Jamz's family gasps)
Jamz: We cannot have sex until after the marriage.
Daz: What marriage?
Greg: Daniel, Muslim's firmly believe in sex after marriage, sex before marriage, is a sin against Allah and it's vital for them to obey this, it's what they believe in.
Daz: Da fuck with that, come here Jamz let's get down and dirty.
Jamz: NO! THIS CANNOT OCCUR UNTILL AFTER THE WEDDING!
Joey: No offense, but yew guys live in Mortdale for cryin' out loud. Yew must have seen a lotta shit here, that makes sex before marriage look like a sacred act.
Jamz: No, we live in a privileged area.
Daz: Oh hell, they live in the bubble.
Joey: Come again?
Greg: The bubble, the area around Green-Wood, the posh area that no chav can enter, well they can, but usually they don't bother, as there is easier pickings wonderin' around Mortdale itself, plus the area has good defences. Remember when we had to sneak in Joey, when we first visited the place? I know this all because George… (Pauses at painful memory) yeah… well… he told me.
Jamz: Our bubble hasn't been the same, since our local school got blown to bits.
(Everyone turns to Joey)
Joey: Do we really need to recall all that?
Jamz: Well you did it, as it's you, the jersey boy and you're that Greg kid, you two were responsible for blowing up our school and the local hospital.
Jamz father: YOU MONSTERS! And were the one's usually accused of blowing stuff up, well…
Joey and Greg: THAT WAS NOT OUR…!
Daz: Cap it you two, I'll straighten it out with these wankers.
Daz: Just fucking go, before the big nosed bitch ends up here and we all end up with no heads.
(Joey and Greg shuffle past Jamz's family, they miss the earlier bus and are forced to get on the later one)
Joey: Yew know a few days after that bus crash and everything's back to normal, ain't that odd?
Greg: That’s just fuckin' Mortdale for you, the cootie crushing cunts and bastards don't give a flying fuck about anyone, your best friend could die, your lover and society gives you one funeral to grieve and expect to you cope with it. Well I'm sorry if I'm a weakling but I can't…
Random Slag in the crowd: SHUT THE FUCK UP! NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR YOUR MELODRAMATIC BULLSHIT!
Joey: (to the crowd behind them): WHOEVER SAY THAT WANNA COME FORWARD!?
(Crowd is silent)
Joey: I can see your still in a mood Greg.
Greg: Guess I am, I just need time to recover, not some dumb, lovely, dovey, prom.
Greg: They buried George next to his three brothers, the one's he killed, according to the priest, he used to visit those graves a lot, he must have felt so guilty, anyhow the priest said he felt guilty that he never checked those three small graves. He did so many funerals he forgot who they were and now we all know. I guess we all need to know about each other to help and recover…
Greg: AH! (Greg ducks in panic until he realises that there Is no fire, fuming he stands to face Joey and Danny bent over laughing)
Greg: Oh very funny Danny.
Danny: You were getting melodramatic again Greg, jeez I had to stop you, (To Joey) he been like this all night Joey?
Joey: Yew have no idea…
Greg: Oh yeah, you two have a laugh an all… what are you doing here anyhow Danny?
Danny: Come to warn you, of course.
Greg: Of what?
Greg: What about Flor…?
(Too late they reach school, the trio of them step off the bus and just as Danny is about to tell Greg the big issue with Florence… the school gate is burst off its hinges)
Joey: Holy moley…!
Danny: QUICK GREG HIDE BEFORE…!
(Too late Florence is stomping right towards Greg, Greg can only stand there paralyzed, as the rest of the year follow Florence)
Greg: Florence what the blue blazes are you…?
Florence: THOU ART HAD ENOUGH! YOU JACK HENSHELL! YOU AND ME ARE OVER!
Imogen: For the 990th time.
Jack: 989th actually.
Sasha: Well you're getting closer gurl.
Florence: AND NOW THOU HEAVY GRIEVING HEART, HAS BESTOWED ITSELF UPON MY NEW LOVE! YES IT HAS! NOW I DECLARE THY LOVE TO THE WORLD! THY LOVE THOU OVERFILLING HEART, CAN THOUST NO LONGER HOLD BACK IT'S LOVE! MY DESIRING AFFECTION! I WILL SAY THIS! GREGORY WINTERS I FLORENCE MCKINNEY, LOVE YOU AND I PRAY MY NEVER-ENDING AFFECTION FOR YOU WILL BE RETURNED!
Florence: HE SAID YES! HE HAS CONFIRMED IT! I ART IN GLEE! IN BLISSFULL GLEE! NOW MAY I TOUCH UPON THOSE LIPS OF YOURS!?
Greg: Erm what the...?
(Without any warning, Florence grabs Greg by a the waist and pulls his face right into her's and they make out, Greg is too stunned to stop, they stand there kissing for a full minute before they both break apart both gasping)
Greg (beaming): Well… erm… Florence that was nice but...
Florence: THERE YOU ARE! YOU SEE JACK! HE LOVES ME TOO! IT'S OFFICIAL, WE ARE ON AND…
Imogen (cutting through massively): Yeah basically Greg, she's asking you out for attention because of that prom.
(Everyone glares at Imogen)
Imogen: Oh come on, either I said it, or we would have been stuck here for hours listening to Florence read Greg about 100 sonnets.
Florence: I most certainly would not have!
(Hides sonnets she planning to use)
Alan: But why… why G-Greg?
Thomas: Because he is the one that gets caught up in all the disasters. Florence is merely doing this for attention, she doesn't love Greg at all.
Florence (rabid and throwing stones at Thomas): FILTH AND LIES!
Jack: (Wearily) Florence I know you're only doing this for attention, as usual. I'm fed up of it.
Chantelle: What's going on here?
Thomas: Grolence is on.
Melody: Grolence? That is incorrect, their names are Florence McKinney and Gregory Winters and they have entered a relationship.
Charmaine: Okay whatevez, you saddo, just cause you ain't got no love life of your own.
Melody: (blushing): I… I… most certainly… well… I…
Helpless TA: Melody Chelsea! Melody! How fucking hard, is that to pronounce?
(Helpless TA looks suicidal by this point)
Chantelle: So anyhow this is how it's gonna go, Greg and Florence…
Greg: Don't I, have a say in…?
Florence: Oh be quiet Greggie-kinns my darling fiancée.
Florence: The wedding, will be on the 6th...
Jack: It ain't gonna go ahead Greg, just ignore her. I've already had about 10 cancelled weddings because I wasn't ready (coughs) not- attention- seeking- enough!
Greg: But still don't I get a say…?
Florence (like Mary-Sue) NO!
(Greg is silent)
Jack: Well here's a good couple name. Attrence, Florence and Attention.
Chantelle: Right Melody, you're going with Sasha.
Sasha: Say what?
Melody: I am no lesbian.
Charmaine: Keep telling yourself that bab.
Sasha: And you keep your tongue clipped or so help me I'll…
Chantelle: Sit on me? Bring it on then.
Imogen: This fight just went off the ritcher scale.
Melody: But still why…?
Chelsea: Gotta be a lesbian couple there hasn't they?
Thomas (noticing her): I could ask the same, about why you and him (points to Danny) are in this school at all! In our uniform!
Wilhelmina: Oh me and Damien have officially joined your school.
Thomas: But you're both…?
Wilhelmina: 18 and proud bitches!
Danny: Yeah Mortdale, High had a sixth form, and my grades were average there, so after living homeless for a while, I've come here to finish, the few exams I did have left, they allowed me to here at this school. Besides compared to that shitty school dad ran, this is pretty advanced for me.
Wilhelmina: Yeah my exams were too hard and I failed em, now I'm back to resit!
Charmaine: Great *Note the sarcasm*