Two Of A KindMature

Act 4   

(In Mortdale hospital) 

Wilhelmina: I'm here to see Damien Flynn.

Receptionist: We don't have a Damien Flynn here miss.

Wilhelmina: Oh for… do you have a Danny Flynn here then? 

Receptionist: OH YES! DANNY! His on the 4th floor.

Wilhelmina: Yeah thanks… 

(Heads there and opens the door) 

Danny: Hey Wilhelmina, glad to see you.

Wilhelmina: Well that's a first, see a stab wound wasn't enough to kill you.

Danny: Obviously, I'm a tank, pure and simple.

Wilhelmina: Alright there big ego, deflate a little.

Danny: Self-confidence is not a bad thing, you should get some.

Wilhelmina: Yeah my self-confidence evaporates, when people learn my name.

Danny: Oh how tragic… 

Wilhelmina: You're a real, arrogant, ass, you know that?  

Danny: You’re a real whinging bitch, you know that? 

Wilhelmina: Why you little cheeky son of a…! 

Danny: Don't backtalk me you stupid…!

Nurse: STOP! (They both pipen down) There are other patients too, besides you two, so be quiet for their sake.

Danny: (Childishly) Yeah be quiet Wilhelmina.

Wilhelmina: Me! It was you! 


(They are both silent, the nurse stomps off, muttering angrily about children) 

Danny: Anyhow you see the tape? 

Wilhelmina: Where was I meant to see it Damien? On the available TV out on the streets? 

Danny: While I've been relaxing in this warm bed, ahh... ain't this the life, hey? Still we can watch it now, there's a TV in here.

Wilhelmina: Yeah great… still why his tape though? Why give away everyone else's and not his? 

Danny: Because he is hiding something and his not telling his friends, no matter how many times I nag him. So it must be bad and I need to know it myself.

Wilhelmina: Nosy.

Danny: Can you blame me? What if he is Kyle's ally in disguise or... well I dunno. I just need to know, to see how bad it really is! 

Wilhelmina: Okay then, let's find out.

(TV is set up, Wilhelmina inserts the tape into the TV) 

Danny: Okay then… let's see what you've been hiding, George.

(And the TV in front of them begins to play, the tape labelled George Admin) 

(Meanwhile in Florence's house the tape has begun to record…) 

Mr Masterbate: Hello this is, Mr. Masterbate and this is project 112, a Helen Marsh, of my school…  

Mrs Conrad: Ugh, filthy animal, recording us in secret from corners when I came to White View he had already left, so he was being a pedo as usual.


Mrs Conrad: Were else do you think I went? Black Crest? 

Imogen: No, just odd to think about.

Joey: The way this guy calls yew projects, makes my skin crawl.

Mrs Layton: Join the club.

Thomas: Carry on guys.

(Suzanne presses play) 

(Mr Masterbate is recording in secret from the roof of the canteen, a 16 year old Helen Marsh is eating her dinner alone) 

Danica Delany (who is nearby with her posy of friends and her accessory of a boyfriend): Yes well, everyone is invited to my party of the year (deliberately so Mrs Conrad can listen in) yes thank you Marty- Sue, my loving boyfriend. A shame some of us are not that popular and fail to win so many awards… 

(At this point a pissed off Mrs Conrad, rises from her seat and approaches the group, everyone expect for Danica flees in sheer terror) 

Mrs Conrad: Are you trying to get yourself killed Danica? 

Danica: Oh Helen, you can't kill me… and you know why?

Mrs Conrad: I will beat you in something Danica, then with your tattered reputation, I will end your miserable life.

Danica: Oh yeah right, still no one likes you… everyone knows that you pushed Erika Jules in front of a truck at the start of the year.

Mrs Conrad: The bitch earned it, she was a good for nothing druggie, who killed more people than you count on your prissy, little, fingers. So really, me killing her, was doing the world a favour.

Danica: So? She was friendly at times and a lot of people liked her edgy style. I mean come on, now you did that, no one is going to hang around with you. I mean look at you… murderer… and your fuck ugly, with that massive nose of yours...

(Mrs Conrad loses it and swishes her nose, it hits Danica in the face and she falls onto the floor unconscious) 

(Several Oohs’s come from the other pupils, a younger Stephanie Layton turns to her friends…) 

Stephanie Layton: Oh My God! You guys this reminds me of the time when… 

(A chavvy looking girl stops her, although chavvy she greatly resembles Lucy Brown) 

Chav Girl: Bab please, we all know where this is going.

Stephanie Layton: Oh come on Lily! Let me finish… 

Lily Brown: I woe let you finish, or we'll be here until this time next year.

Stephanie Layton: Oh Lily… come on and you need to stop getting pregnant already. I mean you've already had four kids, by four different guys. I swear to God, you're nearly as bad as Zoe Deloris.

Lily Brown: I ay that bad, God one of my kids better not be affected by your blabber...

(A younger Mr Tedious gazes at Mrs Conrad) 

Mr Tedious: Ugh, (to his friends) I can't be bothered to go over there and comfort her.

(A younger Miss Wellington runs up to them) 

Miss Wellington: You really should you know Harry! It would mean a lot to her! 

Harry Tedious: Alright Margaret, for one I barely know her and two, with your attitude you wonder why you haven't got a boyfriend… 

(At this point the camera zooms back into Mrs Conrad, eating alone as Danica's friends carry her away, each one of them throwing dirty glances her way, Mrs Conrad seems unfazed by it) 

Mrs Conrad: (growling to herself): stupid bitches and bastards, they don't know…

Voice: HOWDY! 

Mrs Conrad: (in surprise): AH! 

(She turns angrily to the a smiling blonde boy, with colbat eyes and freckles across his nose upon seeing Mrs Conrad glare at him, his smile shrinks into a terrified grimace) 

Boy: I… just… 

Mrs Conrad: Wanted to try a pathetic prank on me? By scaring me!? Well you… 

Boy: Actually… you dropped this, I just came to give it you back.

(Hands Mrs Conrad her timetable) 

Mrs Conrad: Well, do you expect a thank you? Because you're not getting one! Now jog on… 

Boy: Erm… I just realised, I've never actually spoken to you.

Mrs Conrad: Wonder why?

Boy: I thought now would be a good time, so you're Helen Marsh right? The…?

Mrs Conrad: …harsh, cold hearted, serial killer, everyone knows my name and will not forget it.

Boy: (gulping): Yeah, anyhow, I'm Eric Aldington. I'm on the football team.

Mrs Conrad: Oh, another one of Danica’s boyfriends a… 

Eric: Actually I can't stand her, I think she's a right show off and a complete stuck up cow.

(Mrs Conrad’s eyebrows rise in surprise) 

Mrs Conrad: Really, you think that? 

Eric: Yeah… you know Helen, I wanna get straight to the point. I've always wanted to talk to you, but I was always to scared too… because well… 

Mrs Conrad: You wanted to talk to me? Are you mentally retarded? 

Eric: I'm an easy going, friendly guy… 

Mrs Conrad: There is defiantly something wrong with you then. Friendly people are not accepted in this town.

Eric: I know that… but I can't change it… it's just the way I am.

Mrs Conrad: I pity you.

Eric: You know, I just want to get to know you better, maybe I am mad, but to me, you're pretty damn badass and your comebacks have me in stitches.

Mrs Conrad: I bet they do.

Eric: Not those type of stiches, I mean… like you make me laugh, literally my friends, all think I'm mad, for the fact I think you're pretty cool.

Mrs Conrad: Did anyone tell you, that you talk too much? 

Eric: All the time, but I don't care because... 

Mrs Conrad: Okay fine… I give in. Let's talk and get to know each other if it shuts you up.

(Video cuts to black, another scene in a bedroom is about to be shown, but Mrs Conrad quickly turns off the tape) 

Mrs Conrad: You don't need see that part.

Sasha: This Mr. Masterbate managed to record Mrs Conrad having sex with her husband and get away with it? Damn, Danny ain't the sneakiest boi around these parts then… or well his now, because Mr. Masterbate's dead and all… 

Lucy: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! That was so cute! The way you and your husband met…

Greg: I never knew Lucy's mum and Mrs Layton were friends.

Lucy: Well yeah… how else do you think I know Steph so well? We share life stories all the time.

Miss Wellington: Ah, I remember our school days vividly!

Mr Tedious: Oh they were days all right, I had so much fun, now excuse me I going to sleep in chronic boredom.

Imogen: So mum, that's how you and dad met and your maiden name was Marsh? Never told me that one before.

Mrs Conrad: It was unnecessary, besides what did we learn from that? 

Greg: We learnt that Mrs Conrad's weakness is her family.

Mrs Conrad: Speak a little louder Greg, I don't think Kyle and his army of black Crestors heard you.

Greg: Sorry.

Imogen: So mum you really care about me and dad…?

Mrs Conrad (changing topic): Right whose next? 

Imogen: But mum… 

Mrs Conrad: SHUT UP! 

(Imogen does so) 

Greg: I wanna watch Daniel's.

Joey: Me too… 

(Greg inserts Daz's tape) 

Greg: Alright Daniel, time to find out the truth.

(Suzanne presses play) 

Mr Masterbate: Here we are, with project 344, Daniel Winters, aged 18 and going to Mortdale Uni… 

(Camera cuts to an 18 Year old Daz) 


Gordon: AHHHH! I mean fuckin hell blad, ya nearly gave me heart attack.

Chantelle: That was… Daz… I dated that? That's what he looked like before? OMFG! he was fit!

Lucy: He was so handsome, what happened?

George: Mortdale happened.

Suzanne: Wow, he was quite the looker, (Shakes head) erm, let's carry on shall we (presses play) 

(Tape resumes, the 18 year old Daniel Winters, his hair is not shaven bold, he has dirty blonde hair which was similar to Greg's as well as Greg’s brown eyes, although he is a lot lanker than Greg. what surprises everyone is his lack of wrinkles and the fact he smiling with pearly whites and not yellowing teeth…) 

Daz (in southern accent): Aw ain't this the life? 


Chelsea: Greg, I think you gotta stop shouting like that, I think Gordon's gonna have a heart attack.

 Priest: Well observed dipshit.

Chantelle: Bit rude of you priest.

Priest: Oh I do apologise… 

Chantelle: But doe worry, I like rude people.

Melody: Please tell me, you are not trying to seduce my uncle.

Chantelle: Go back to lesbo, black, girlfriend you weirdo.

Imogen: Anyhow, getting back to the point, if Daz spoken southern and looked and acted just like Greg, how the hell did he not change the town like Greg has?

Suzanne: Let's find out (presses play…) 

The End

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