The Placebo'sMature

Act 2 

(Friday 11th February)

Greg: Get up Cou-Sen! 

Joey: Yew still calling me Cou-Sen? Because unlike you, I can call you Gregory and not Cou-sen.

Greg: I suppose that makes you mature then?

Joey: I am actually.

Greg: Jeez you're only 8 months older than me.

Joey: Yeah but looking at me (Joey stands at 6 foot 2 and is well built) compared to you (Greg stands at a rather short 5 foot 8) you'll always be the little squirt.

Greg: I ain't the mood for arguing… so you still being mature and going to school, or yew gonna be a big bwad rebwel and miss school?

Joey: Imma skip it, yew should join me Greg, it will be fun.

Greg: No.

Joey: Ah, come on! Live a little, take a risk!

Greg: I've taken enough risks, for lifetime.

Joey: Oh come on little squirt, just once.

Greg: (Snapping): Fine!

Joey: Got ya… 

(They wait downstairs, at which point Daz and Uraz come downstairs) 

Uraz: Well hello you two.

Greg: Howdy, you know Uraz, you don't seem to bad.

Uraz: Thanks I… 

Greg: But y'all still cat-fished Daniel, so I can tell you're not a nice gal deep down.

Uraz: But… 

Daz: Fuckin' hell Greg, are you trying to decide my girlfriend for me? 

Greg: I just want someone who will be good for you, someone who will steer you on the right path.

Daz: For your information… wait hang on a sec, its 8:45.

Greg: And?

Daz: You've missed the bus! You’ll be late for school! Are you feeling fucking suicidal again Greg? Cause I ay, in the mood for heart to hearts.

 Joey: Nah Daniel, were just going in late for school, to see what happens.

Daz: I wonder why the big nosed... well her… the headmistress, ay here ripping you two pieces right now.

Greg: You're guess is as good as mine, still come on Joey the 10 to 9, leaves in 5 minutes… 

(Meanwhile in the Aldington household) 

Mr Aldington (on phone): Yes honey, she's just a little late, she'll be there in a minute… (Frantically turns to where Imogen is slowly getting ready) HURRY THE HELL UP! SHE IS ON MY ASS! 

Imogen: Alrite… Alrite… calm yourself father. 

Mr Aldington: Come on, you know what your mum's like.

Imogen: Don't we all? Having her own car, yet she has to get into school 2 hours early, so I have to catch the bus. Yeah thanks a lot mum… 

Mr Aldington: Quit complaining Little Immie and just get too school, like please… 

Imogen: Alright, see ya later dad… 

(She leaves the house and hops on the late bus) 



Jack: What about you?

Zsa Zsa: No teaching period until 12, I am free... 

Jack: Well I'm ready mum, I'm waiting for her… 



(Florence is down the stairs in seconds) 

Florence (with no make-up on at all): Really! Well then let us be off!

(Drags Jack out the front door) 

Jack: Hang on, you've got no make-up on at all… you were stalling time weren't you! 

(Florence is whistling) 

Jack: Tell me, you didn't actually believe that rubbish, Melody spat out yesterday.

(Florence ignores Jack as she steps onto the bus…) 


Joey: Right let's set off

(They leave the house and head over to the bus stop, the bus pulls up and Greg and Joey get on, their mouths drop open when…) 

Greg: Whoa George, you managed to persuade everyone to get onto the bus?

George: Well the idea seemed popular.

Jack (To Melody): Great, now look what you've done. Mrs Conrad is going to be cutting us up into little pieces for being late.

Chantelle: BTW! WERE ALL HERE! 

Richard: And me’s… 

Andrew: Me too, I heard shit was going down.

George: Yeah well were all here and nothing is happening… (Bus pulls to a break) so thanks for stalling us for nothing! As nothing is happening! 

Melody (smiling): Oh no, It is, look ahead.


Imogen: Greg, I see you've been in Poetry corner this week.

Sasha: What pink car?    

George: The one we told you guys about, when Greg first came here, but how…?

Lucy: Reminds me of the one time, when I lost my fish bowl… 

Charmaine: And through ten generations of family and friends you fucking found it, we get the point. 

Lucy: Well, yeah I did, but still… 

Alan: It looks… l-like there's been an accident… 

(They can see the Pink car has smashed into the earlier bus, leaving twisted metal and several dead bodies on the pavement, police and ambulances are covering the bodies and sealing the area off, a traffic jam is building up) 

Random Slag in the Crowd: WHAT'S GOING ON!? MOVE ALREADY! 


Sasha: Man, if we got on the earlier bus we would have been toast. Deader than dead, like all those White View people are right now.

Melody: Told you so.

Sasha: Don't rub it in Gurl-friend.

Chantelle: Ugh, bit a lesbian love going on here, fortune teller and Token, sassy black girl, weird couple but still… 

Joey: What is wrong with yew? No one can say love or friend around yew, without yew thinking there's some sexual relationship going on.

Chantelle: There always is and I'm always right.

Greg: Imma go see what happened.

Thomas: Last time we saw that car, Sarah had it and it was orange, the orange paint must have faded, but still I hope nothing's happened to Sarah.

(They reach the barricade) 

Police Officer: No one is allowed past this point, there's been a terrible accident.

Chelsea: We can see that moron, God, how thick am some people hey?

Thomas: Does the word hypocrite ring a bell with you? 

Greg: Please! You gotta let us pass! Someone we know might be in injured in there and… 

(Lucy spots a figure fleeing from the scene, from the corner of her eye, intrigued she follows him silently) 

Gordon: If you doe let us pass, I'm gonna beat da fucking shit outta yah… 

Imogen: Great, now were never getting past.

Aaron: Well I'll deck em.

George: And do what? Get arrested? There's no point.


(Body is pulled out; everyone can clearly see the ginger hair of…) 

Gordon: SARAH! NO! OH GOD NOT SARAH…! (Under death glares) I mean sad Fam because she was like ginger and lasted dis long.

(Joey, Sasha, Alan and Melody are not crying at her death, as they never knew her and neither is Charmaine, because she ay bothered) 

Charmaine: Oh God, here we go another funeral.

Melody: I'll contact my uncle, he never gets a break you know?

Joey: Can yew blame him? He took a job in the Grim's reapers' Las Vegas. 

(Nearby, Suzanne is once again reporting from the scene) 

Suzanne: So here we are (growling) once again in Mortdale,  

(In BBC Studio) 

Bill Turnbull: Oh Suzanne, you're always out there.

Suzanne: I'd love to see your snobby ass down here Bill! Or you Charlie Stayt and you Louise Minchin! Yeah I said it! And let's face it, Susanna Reid, you're just a cheap, slutty copycat, of me! The amazing Suzanne Reid!

Suzanne’s new cameraman (to Greg and co): I think she's starting to lose it, been in this town for too long… 

Greg: I know that feeling.

Suzanne: (as if her outburst never happened): Anyway, here in Mortdale there was a horrific high speed crash between the 40 bus and an orange and pinkish… coloured… well car. Leaving 33 dead, one body in the car and 32 on the bus, the car was recorded by CCTV leaving White View school, minutes before the crash, the sole driver a Misses Sarah Rigby. Was head of the Ginger's for Justice UK branch, which makes many Gingers across the country suspect an assassination attempt, which was sadly successful…   

Greg: What was Sarah leaving White View for? 

Imogen: You guys, it's obvious she came back for something.

(Meanwhile Lucy has chased the dark figure into a dark alley) 


(Figure turns around and Lucy gasps, there with a knife in his hand, is none other than…)

Lucy: KYLE! 

Kyle: It’s you, the whore, came to follow me into a dark alley, with no weapons and no way to defend yourself? (Lucy freezes in terror realising her mistake) pretty stupid move, if you ask me.

Lucy: What-did-you-do?-Sarah-she-owned-that-car-what-did…?

Kyle: I do? I rallied some of my friends from Black Crest and when I heard about what Sarah Rigby was coming to town for, oh I needed to get them from her. So with the help of my allies, I smuggled onto her little car and then as she was driving I murdered her, I watched her blood flow between my fingers. I let the car crash into a White View filled bus to kill more of you pests and make the murder look like an accident. Everyone probably knows it was murder anyway, but yknow?

Lucy: Monster!

Kyle: I like a good image… 

Lucy: (sobbing): Sarah's… d-dead…?

Kyle: That's right, my whole plan went so well then, out of nowhere, the bag of them were gone! Someone snuck in and took them! I needed them! 

Lucy: Needed what? (Kyle smiles and pulls out an old tape, the words at the front of it read K-Y-L-E) 

Kyle: Of course, you'd never get your hands on my own.

Lucy: Tapes? What… where did…? 

Kyle: So little you actually know, your former teacher Mr. Masterbate, did more than simply build his little factory under the school. They found a room… a room where he kept these tapes. He recorded moments from nearly everybody in Mortdale's lives, all the tapes… (Looks at his own) were mine.

Lucy: Tapes…? let me guess, pedo tapes, showing intimate moments? But what do you want to invade everyone's privacy for? 

Kyle: Knowledge is power, if I know your pasts, I know you're weaknesses and I can take you down, one…by fucking one!

Lucy (backing away): That's insane… what's on your tape anyway? what are you hiding!?

Kyle: None of your business, your tape would have been interesting, Lucy Brown, but your plain stupidity, is clearly your weakness. I'll kill you here and now. The only reason I told you the whole plan, was because you won't live to tell anyone else.

Lucy: NO! (Tries to run put trips onto the ground, as Kyle raises his knife) 

Voice: OI! 

(Kyle turns) 

Danny: Looking for something?

(Raises white bag) 

Kyle: You… the traitor… YOU GOT THE TAPES! 

Danny: Well duh, honestly it was easy enough, hearing that accident and managing to sneak inwards and grab the bag from under your nose.

Kyle: But how? it was right next to me! 

Danny: Dude, I'm the most, fucking, streetwise, guy you’ll ever find, plus I'm fucking fast, I know how to steal things, I'm a professional.

Kyle (growling): Your mother must be so proud.

Danny: My mum's dead you sadistic fuck and yes she would have been proud. I had to steal to feed my family, because our dad was too drunk or too violent to feed us all.

Kyle: Your father was a great man… 

Danny: My father was a swine… 

Lucy: If Imogen was here, she would have been proud of that Harry Potter reference.

 Danny: Come on dog… come for the bait… (Suddenly yelling to Lucy) GO! I'LL HOLD HIM OFF! 

(Lucy runs as Kyle chases Danny with the knife) 

(Lucy runs but then bumps into Wilhelmina, of all people) 

Wilhelmina: Ssssh… take this…

(Hands her a white bag) 

Lucy: Wait what's…?

Wilhelmina: Me and Damien saw that accident and with Kyle involved we knew what Damien got from the car was important, so we've been keeping a close eye on the area. When we saw Kyle running away, we followed, now you're in danger, we have a plan. The bag Damien's got is a placebo (shoves bag in her hands) this is the real thing.

Lucy: Why give it to me?  

Wilhelmina: You and the guys will need, to protect it… or destroy it. Whatever, it's yours now.

Lucy: But Danny, the risk he took… 

Wilhelmina: Then go get the others and go get help and we might be able to save him! 

(Lucy scurries off) 

(Meanwhile back at the accident site, everyone is sitting around shell-shocked at the large loss of White View students and Sarah) 

Thomas: Asif this is happening.

Imogen: Oh don't start that again.

Thomas: It's just Sarah, was the last original nerd and now she's gone. I dunno… I guess I just feel detached and lonely right now.

Sasha: You got us boi, you'll be fine.

George: Yeah, ain't that right guys?

Charmaine: Well doe look at me. You know I doe do this caring crap.

(Ryan starts coughing rather violently) 

Chantelle: You alright bab?

Ryan: Fine, for some fucking reason, feels like my chest is on fire.

Greg: Too many ciggies Ryan.

George: And syphilis most likely, you could be seriously ill.

Ryan: I’m fucking fine! Ain't no pussy illness, taking me down.

Helpless TA: Ugh, I wish it would, you have no idea how annoying the lot of you are with your endless moaning.

Imogen: Right back at ya… 

Helpless TA: Yet for some reason, there's less blabber than usual.

George: She's right… wait where's Lucy! 

(Everyone looks around, she is absent) 

George: Where did…?

(Lucy runs towards them…) 

Lucy: (gasping) GUYS… THERE'S…!

Aaron: Very fucking convenient timing I'll say.

Lucy: (gasping) Guys… quick, I was in the alley down there (points at the alley) and Kyle was there, you need to go help… he… Danny… his in danger…!

Greg: Kyle's there! Right I'm off! 

(Sprints off into the alley) 


Jack: (guffawing): Good luck telling him that.

(In the alley Kyle has caught up with Danny) 

Kyle: What now? 

Danny: Kill me, I guess.

Kyle: Now, you don't have to die, give me the tapes.

Danny: Oh this bag? Sorry I thought you wanted stones not tapes.

(Kyle can see the bag is full of stones) K

yle (enraged): You- you tricked me. I'll rip your brains from your head and…!

(Approaches Danny, ready to strike when suddenly, he is knocked onto the floor by a smash from behind, he collapses to the floor and Wilhelmina stands there with a smashed beer bottle) 

Danny: Whoa… cheers, but wait. I'd thought you were trying to go sober.

Wilhelmina: I am, it's just these bottles, make damn good weapons.

Danny: Can’t argue with that, still I wonder if…?

(He gets no further. Kyle leaps upwards again stabbing Danny in the chest, as Danny slumps, Kyle holds his bloody knife to Wilhelmina) 

Kyle: BITCH! Tell me, where are the real tapes!? 

Wilhelmina: (Shaking) I- I- (Faces up to him) In capable hands.

(An enraged Kyle prepares for the killing blow, but that never comes, as Greg and the gang charge down the alley, police and news crews included) 

Greg: KYLE! 

Kyle: Ah Greg, you brought your friends well I can't stay… 


Kyle: UNDER ARREST MY ARSE! (He flees, flinging a knife backwards, hoping it will kill someone and it does… ending up in Suzanne's cameraman's head, he slumps to the floor as Kyle flees the scene) 

Suzanne: Oh for fu…!

Florence: Another cameraman has fallen, how tragic, still thou art dilemma can be caught on camera (picks up camera) AS I RECORD IT! 

Jack: Oh no… 

(Meanwhile Kyle is far ahead of the gang and is still running) 


(However by this point, Kyle is gone and Medical crews are tending to Danny) 

Wilhelmina: (shaky) Hey… come on Damien… you're going be… fine… 

Danny: Ake… is… 

Wilhelmina: What? 

(Danny hands her a tape and she secretly pockets it, as Danny is carted off by the ambulance) 

Imogen: What's that you got in your hands Lucy…? 

Lucy (sighing): Get everyone round Imogen, this is going be a long story, even by my standards.

(After Lucy finishes explaining) 

Greg: Damn Danny's got skills.

Ryan: Yeah well *coughs* too bad his dead now.

Wilhelmina: Damien's not dead! Don't say that! 

Chantelle: It's kinda obvious he is, I mean jeez, who survives a stab wound? 

Greg: Howdy, coming a survivor of knife crime and a stabbing.

Chantelle: What… oh yeah.

Chelsea: I've survived a stab wound too.

Helpless TA: You don't count.


Andrew: God, she is such a loud bitch, don't you agree Jack?

Jack: I'm not gonna bitch about my own girlfriend to you, I… 

Police Officer: You Jack Henshell?

Jack: Yeah, why? 

Police Officer: Sarah Rigby wrote a letter addressed to you before her death, I feel that it belongs to you, young man.

Jack: Oh thanks…

(Opens it and begins to read it, after reading it, his face is stony he pockets it with a faraway look on his face).

Andrew: What was on that? 

Alan: Like he'll tell y-you.

Richard: I know he won't tell my brother, but he'll tell us… togethers… 

(Alan shivers)    

Imogen: Oh guys leave him.  Sarah was your former Girlfriend Jack, that's why she wrote it… what was on it? 

Jack: I don't wanna talk about it.

Imogen: That's okay then, I understand.

Andrew: Bet it was bad… (Bitches to Florence) 

Greg: Anyhow thanks Wilhelmina, you and Danny put your lives on sake to get these tapes.

Wilhelmina: No problemo, I'll go check how that grumpy asshole is doing in hospital.

Sasha: So this Sarah, came back for these tapes, why? 

Greg: More importantly who found the tapes? 

Wilhelmina: Oh everyone knows that, Mrs Conrad found them, she was scouring the closet and broke down a door and BAM! There they all were… once she figured out what they were she vowed to destroy them, she was probably gonna do that today, but then for some reason this Sarah pops up of nowhere and takes them.

(Everyone is opened mouthed) 

Greg: How did you…?

Wilhelmina: Me and Damien learn a lot being streetwise.

Charmaine: Fucking hell, just call him Danny already.

Aaron: Wait Charmaine, why the fuck do you care about him and his name?

Charmaine (blushing): No reason, just Damien's more annoying than Danny.

Thomas: Right.

Imogen: But mum never told me about these tapes?

Joey: Probably because she had her tape in there and she wanted no one to see it.

Melody: I see you are cocky as me, Alan, you and Sasha will not have a tape, as we did not live in Mortdale.

Alan: Everyone knows my tragic past anyhow.

Florence: (Very loudly) Aww de dums!  

Jack: Florence, don't act so immature and attention seeking not now, people have died.

George (nervously): I say we destroy the tapes! I mean w-what if Kyle gets his hands on them hey!? 

Sasha: I guess, but I wanna know more about y'all, the past can unveil a great deal about a person.

Melody: I personally believe that view too.

Ryan: You two are only saying that, because you don't have tapes to unveil your pasts.

Melody: Maybe we are, but in that sense, we are fortunate.

George: So now what do we do? Burn the tapes with fire… 

(Greg winces) 

Helpless TA: Ugh, still got that pathetic phobia of fire?

Greg: It never goes away, now all of y’all shut up, I'm thinkin'...  

(Greg looks at the tapes hard and then looks around at the people surrounding him) 

Greg: I got an idea… 

The End

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