Letting Go Of DepressionMature

Act 5

Mrs Conrad:(To giant crowd in Mortdale High street) Right you lot, explain where Imogen is right now!

Random Slag in the Crowd: NONE OF US KNOW, SO STOP BOTHERING US!

Mrs Conrad: Say that again and I will arrange a very public execution.

(Random Slag in the crowd is silent) 

Mrs Conrad: YOU! Do you know where Imogen and co are? 

Wilhelmina: No.

Mrs Conrad:  Oh Jesus have mercy on me, it's you again, will you go back to your mansion already?

Wilhelmina: Well love, in case you haven't noticed, I would be there if I was allowed.

Mrs Conrad: What do you mean ? Why are you out on the streets? This isn't concern, it's so I can laugh at you.

Wilhelmina: Ain't telling you, if that's your reasoning, I'll be off anyhow.

(She leaves a fuming Mrs Conrad behind)  


Mr Masterbate: Here we are… the bedroom! 

Imogen: Why is there a bedroom, in the factory? 

Mr Masterbate: Because my workers need to sleep somewhere. 

Chantelle: Do you molest them sir? 

Greg: I see the death of your friend, has not affected you that much Chantelle.

Chantelle: It has, but I can't go crying, I mean who does that? 

Lucy: I DO! It's only human. I mean, when my Gran's sister's dog's mother's owners. Sister's, adopted son's pet turtles, previous owner in Malaysia's father's brother died. I cried for three weeks on end.

Greg: I see y'all an emotive person Lucy.  

Ryan: Well my motto is that big boys don't cry.

Gordon: I DO! 

Aaron: Gordon… 

John: That's fake and gay.

Gordon: I mean yeah blad, it's so like fake and gay you all get me… 

Imogen: Yes we do, now a bedroom oh wow what is there to see in here? Sleeping children? 

Charmaine: Who cares? 

George: Are you even mourning for Chaniqua? 

Charmaine: Who the fuck you on about? 

George: I give up. 

Florence: This room is boring me, Jack let's move on.

Jack: You don't tell me what to do.

Florence: You are so...!

Imogen: Brace yourself for break-up 420- something...   

Florence: Actually that's breakup 675.

Mr Masterbate: Yes well here is the room where the workers sleep, now if you can all move on and you'll see some magnificent sights, when we reach the lower floors.

(Dramatic pause) 

Chantelle: Sex chambers?

Mr Masterbate: No, just come on and... Charmaine are you coming? CHARMAINE WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?

Charmaine: Asking this kid if you rape him.

Mr Masterbate: He's 2 years old! 

Imogen: Which begs the question why he is this factory at all… 

(She is ignored) 

Mr Masterbate: I've had it up to here with your disrespect! You are kicked off this tour!

(Gasps Florence faints and then tweets the news) 

Charmaine: I Ain't Bovvered though.

Mr Masterbate: You...! Children! just get her out of here! 

(Beat starts) 

Greg: Another song?

Charmaine: Brill, I hope I get a good one.

Mr Masterbate: Disrespect and breaking of the rules will not be tolerated as this song proves what Charmaine is.

Children: Cor be Bovvered to do a song sir.

Mr Masterbate: Fair enough then.

Charmaine: WTF? I DON'T GET A SONG! 

Mr Masterbate: Now you know how the rest of us feel when you can't be Bovvered. 

Charmaine: Fine I'll make my song then. You don't kick me out, I kick myself out.

(Beat starts, Let It Go In Frozen)

Charmaine:This hoe knows right as she walks out tonight

Not a footprint to be seen.

Getting myself out of this situation 

and it looks like I'm Queen B

The wind is howling as Social norms died 

Happy in my skin ;Heaven knows I'm right.

Don't let them begin, don't let them scream like a banshee

Be the bad bitch you always have to be

Ooze some sex appeal 

don't let them break the status quo 

Well now they have... so...


Imma Go, Imma go 

This place is a goddamn bore

Imma Go, Imma go

Turn away and slam the door

I don't care what they're going to say

Let them all rage on.

I'm a cold hearted bitch at it anyway


It's funny how my existence 

Makes everyone feel small

And my ears are telling me 

To walk outta that door 

It's time to leave to say adieu 

To test the limits and break through

No right, no wrong, nothing to agree,

That's me!


Imma go, Imma go 

I am gone with mankind so goodbye

Imma Go, Imma go 

You'll never see me lie

This place is bland 

(Points away) And here I'll stray

Let them all  rage on


I want  an hour where I can just lie around 

My role is inspiring in an explosion of freedom all around 

And one thought despises me, that I can say at last 

I think you have all snapped , whereas I at long last... 


Imma Go, Imma go

Because if this continues I'm going to yawn.

Imma go, Imma go 

The child neglect here is strong 

Here I'll stray 

Into light of day

Let them all  rage on

I'm cold hearted bitch at it anyway!

(She gets no further she is led away by the children) 

Mr Masterbate: Okay now she is gone, let;s go on with the tour. 

(They proceed forwards and reach a canal) 

Greg: A canal underground?

Mr Masterbate: It's the sewer line again.

Imogen: If the sewer lines and trains run down here, how come this place is not discovered by people? 

Mr Masterbate: I keep it well hid, well the Black Crestor's  managed to break in and take me captivate when I hid here during the invasion of the school, still I guess it’s safe now. 

Thomas: Yeah… safe… 

(A boat appears with Children rowing it) 

Mr Masterbate: Hop in, don't look alarmed ,the children don't bite.

Greg: It's not the children I'm worried about.

Imogen: This is so "Charlie and the Chocolate factory" it's… 

Aaron: Ugh, fuck that boat stinks.

John: Ay getting in that it's fake and Gay.

Gordon: Come on guys… I mean bruvs, it cor be dat bad.

Ryan: Whatever, I'll get in.

Aaron: Oh what the fuck I'll go in as well.


Jack: Florence there is a spider behind you.

(Florence jumps into the boat) 

Mr Masterbate: Come on is that everyone. (Everyone nods and the boat sets off)

John: This boat is so fake and Gay 

(Boat rows on) 

John: This water is fake and Gay 

(Boat continues to row) 

John: Everyone is fake and gay…


(Pushes John off the boat in anger) 

Florence: GORDON! 


(John manages to swim to the bank) 

Mr Masterbate: WE CAN'T STOP THE BOAT! 

Imogen: You can't? Or you won't?

Mr Masterbate: Well… 

George: On second thoughts, just keep on rowing. 

John: Ya gonna leave me here! 

Mr Masterbate: Severs you right for being a troll anyway. 

(Beat begins) 

Imogen: Here we go again… 

(Pressure by Paramore begins to play) 

Children: Tell me where everything went bent

 And if it was worth all the events 

John used to make me weep

Feeling empty again

Cause I fear it may be fake 

and I fear John will comment on every mistake 

John: Yeah this fake and Gay 

Tonight I'll lie awake feeling empty

I can feel depression 

Aaron: Even I feel kinda depressed around him 

Gordon (hastily): Yeah I agree 

Lucy: I just got Déjà vu of Elliot and Dean 

George: Wonder why… 

It's getting closer now

We're better off without you

I can feel depression 

It's getting closer now

We're better off without you

Now that I’ve lost the rope 

Imogen: I’ll get the rope, if need be.

And suicide for me is a no go 

For all of those events 

Where John Walker trolling used to roam 

Some things we can never troll 

Florence: Like thee and thy amazing acting skills. 

Jack: No, Florence, just no. 

And John used to make me feel low

I'm sitting all alone feeling empty

I can feel depression 

It's getting closer now

We're better off without you

I can feel depression 

It's getting closer now

We're better off without you

Without you

Some things we can never troll 

And John used to make me feel low

I'm sitting all alone feeling empty

And I had to lie low and now you know  

Why I'm sitting all alone feeling empty

I can feel depression 

It's getting closer now

We're better off without you

Feel depression 

It's getting closer now

You're better off without our glee

(John is led off by the children as the boat rows on) 

The End

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