Charmaine: What the fuck is that?
George: A place where people work Charmaine.
Chaniqua: That's not funny.
Lucy: No joke, people do work you know.
Chantelle: Not in this town they doe, they live off benefits, the way they should,
Greg: CAN WE ALL PLEASE GET THE POINT! WHADDYA MEAN SIR? WERE IN A FACTORY, THIS IS A CLOSET!
Mr Masterbate: Well ermm… during my spare time, I built my own factory underground.
Imogen: Whoa, whoa, whoa hang on for just one second, you built your own factory by yourself? With no help? Underground? and no one else knew?
Mr Masterbate: I kept it a secret, but know you have come in I guess, you are entitled to have a look around,
(A few children emerge from a nearby room)
Mr Masterbate: AND THESE ARE THE LOVELY CHILDREN FROM THE ORPANAGE WHO I TOOK IN, TO HELP ME BUILD THE FACTORY BECAUSE I AM A GOOD HEARTED PERSON WHO…
Chantelle: See Char, there are children he sexually abuses.
Mr Masterbate: RUBBISH! They are here, because they want to be here.
(Shoves kids to another room)
Helpless TA: Of all the stuff I have seen in my life, this is without a doubt the weirdest.
Mr Masterbate: So know you're here who wants... A TOUR AROUND THIS PLACE!
Chantelle: Alrite then.
Lucy: Hang on, isn't this a bit stupid, following a suspected paedophile around a factory he made himself? With children dotted around who look like…
Mr Masterbate: Now, now my class, after all we have been though, I give you the reward of touring this factory, but be warned your if you let your flaws show or be rude, intensive, or aggressive you'll be kicked off this tour.
Chantelle: Alright then, I need a look around.
Imogen: This is happening a bit fast, shouldn't we...?
Chelsea; CAN'T MOVE!
Helpless TA: Joy.
Mr Masterbate: Oh dear, you can't move Chelsea?
Chelsea: Yeah, It's too hard.
Mr Masterbate: My class, it is time to show you what happens to law breakers…
Jack: We get to sing a song?
Mr Masterbate: Oh no, the lyrics will explain everything.
(Augustus Gloop Song starts to play)
Children: AAHHHHHH! AHHH! AHHHHH! AHHHH!
Chantelle: God they having an orgy or something?
Thomas: Children, Chantelle? Seriously?
Chantelle: Just saying.
Imogen: Wait no it's…
Children (singing): Chelsea on a loop! Chelsea on a loop!
The great big needy nincompoop!
Chelsea on a loop! So helpless and vile!
So needy, loud-mouthed, and infantile
'Come on!' we cried, 'The time is ripe
To send her to boarding school all day and night
Chaniqua: YOU ANIMALS!
But dear children, be alarmed;
Because Chelsea's IQ will change far
Chelsea's IQ will change far
Jack: (Guffaws): Good luck with that.
Although, of course, we will admit
She will be altered quite a bit
Slowly, wheels in her head go round and round,
And cogs in her brain begin to grind and pound;
We’ll teach her for a minute more,
Until we're absolutely sure
Then out She comes! And now! By grace!
A miracle has taken place
A miracle has taken place
This needy brute, who does not how to hear
Chelsea: I KNOW HOW TO HEAR I CAN HEAR YOU KNOW Act- tune…lary…
Helpless Ta: Shame you can't pronounce what you hear.
Is loved by people everywhere!
For who could hate or bear a grudge
Against someone who can move and BUDGE!
(She budges out of the way, and is led away by a group of children, Helpless TA is dragged along after her)
Imogen: That’s very “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory to me”.
George: You don’t say.
Lucy: What will happen to Chelsea?
Mr Masterbate: No worries, the children will try to educate her for a while and then let her go back into the school and Helpless TA should be able to escort her back into Mortdale.
Sanjay: As long as Chelsea doesn't get forget how move and BUDGE!
Sanjay: Couldn't resist.
Thomas: So where too next?
Mr Masterbate: Well to this room at the end of the corridor. Be instructed that I will not tolerate your flaws on this tour, be patience, keep your nose out of…
Chantelle: OI GUYS! THERE'S CHILDREN ON THE FLOOR IN HERE AND SEX TOYS…
(Mr Masterbate slams the door shut)
Mr Masterbate: (hastily) What? no there isn't. How did you even get in there, I had a lock on that door.
Chantelle: Sat on it.
Imogen: Fat slag.
Mr Masterbate: Let's just move on, follow me and no snooping around, or else. Do that again Chantelle and you'll be kicked off this tour.
Chantelle: But will I get a song too?
Mr Masterbate: Well the children do…
Chantelle: Can I have Platinum "love shy".
Imogen: An ironic song choice.
Mr Masterbate: (To Chantelle) You are this close. To being kicked off this tour, please just shut up,
Chantelle: Okay, jeez.
Mr Masterbate: Right now onto the meadow!