(Imogen is crying on a staircase)
Imogen: N-no one likes you… oh big deal… it's not bothering me… ha! Oh no- j-just trying to have some common sense, and-it-BACKFIRES!
Imogen: Stupid Greg, stupid George, stupid mum, stupid everyone, God I wish they had all died now, and I wish I was the one to do it, in fact, I should have never even come outside, come to think of it…
(Passer's by stare at her oddly)
Imogen: Ha! They all think… I'm crazy-b-because I talk to myself… ha! No I don't, I don't need- t-to self-pity myself-or console myself… no I do not… (Stops at the sound of fellow sobbing)
Imogen: Oh whose upset now? And for what reason? Can't be worse than mine.
(She finds a sobbing Lucy)
Lucy: (spotting Imogen): Oh it's you.
Imogen: What's upset you cupcake?
Lucy: Stop patronising me.
Imogen: Your boyfriend dump you?
Imogen: Your aunt's brother's dog's daughter's, sisters, aunt's human owner's Nan's goldfish, sons, daughters, uncle die.
Lucy: No! Shut…
Imogen: Oh let me guess…
Lucy: ...the fuck up!
Imogen: You talkin to me?
Lucy: Just go away!
Lucy: Why not!?
Imogen: Because you all hate me and I want you to know what It feels like.
Lucy: Nobody hates you, actually who are you?
Imogen: (facepalm) Imogen Aldington I've been at your school a week now. Mrs Conrad's daughter? Remember you said I had my mother's sarcasm.
Lucy: Oh you, yeah whatever no one hates you.
Imogen: Tell that to Greg he just punched me.
Imogen: Yes really, where have you been?
Lucy: I was upstairs, but… Greg couldn't he… is not the type. He would never punch someone his, his too nice. His a saint to us in Mortdale.
Imogen: The bleeding jaw and the red mark against my face, says otherwise.
Lucy: Jesus, that's abuse why would... he do something so horrid?
Imogen: Because unlike you guys, I'm not blinded by the image that Greg is some sort of angel, to me his an arse-wipe.
Lucy: But... well...
Imogen: So what the hell is bothering you?
Lucy: It's just… that… well I'm going to sound horrible…
Imogen: Go on, girl to girl chat.
Lucy: It's Mary-Sue.
Imogen: What about her?
Lucy: It’s… now I think about it... Greg acts differently around her… she seems too perfect in a way.
Imogen: Finally someone understands!
(Chelsea walks past)
Chelsea: I CAN UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE SAYING, I'M NOT THAT STUPID! I KNOW THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE!
Helpless TA: (wearily) Carry on upwards Chelsea (They walk on)
Imogen: So that's why you're upset?
Lucy: What no, it's just that, it's Caz dying and I'm the only one that grieves in this class, everyone else gets over it but still...
Imogen: Your weeping over that stuck up slut?
Lucy: It's just the dead deserve respect, don't they?
Imogen: I suppose... still whaddya say we work together?
Imogen: You know girl to girl, I've got no friends, you probably have…
Lucy: Actually I don't have any other friends who are girls… it's been me Dean and Elliot from year 7 onwards, and well George and the other boys are very nice to me, but not even Sarah's my friend and she's nice.
Imogen: So you were like the Mary-Sue of the school… before Mary-Sue?
Lucy: What do you mean?
Imogen: Boys falling at your feet for no other reason other than the fact your pretty, the reason you don't have any female friends is because one their either jealous of you. Or two your pretty and that's it. That doesn't usually make girls your friends.
Lucy: I-I (sobs) I guess you’re right… do you reckon Elliot even loves me?
Imogen: No, his eyes are always fixated on your tits and the only other girls who are available are…
(Charmaine swags past)
Imogen: Walking STD machines.
Lucy: Well Mary-Sue it's not just the boys who like her, but the girl's too I mean even I like her…
Lucy: But she's taking my usual male attention and without it, I'm nothing.
Imogen: You're jealous then.
Lucy: Okay big deal if I am.
Imogen: There's nothing wrong with that, I was jealous of Mary-Sue too.
Lucy: I just want…
Imogen: To be the innocent, sweet, little girl next door of the class.
Lucy: Yes I have my flaws, but...
Imogen: Flaws make you perfect, I must have loads, and well at least I'm an honest person.
Lucy: True, very true, we can prove that we can gain friends in each other not because of looks but because of our personality!
Chantelle (from above): WHOEVER SAID THAT SHUT THE FUCK UP! (Humping from above)
Imogen: Okay from tomorrow you and me, were gonna watch Mary-Sue.
Imogen: Because I feel this case is far from over…
(In Mary-Sue and Greg's room)
Mary-Sue: Oh Gregory you can come in now (Greg enters)
(Mary-Sue is in her underwear ready to have sex with Greg, the bed is covered in roses and lit candles are beside the bed)
Mary-Sue: Oh Gregory it is time…
(Greg has frozen at the site of the lit candles; he begins to have a panic attack)
Greg: AHH THE CANDLES, GET RID OF THEM! GET RID OF THEM!
Mary-Sue: Greg calm down!
Greg: GET THEM THE FUCK OUTTA MY SIGHT, THEY BURN! THEY BURN! HELP SOMEONE HELP! IT HURTS! IT HURTS! IT HURTS!
(From above where John and Chaniqua are having sex)
Greg: (from below): IT HURTS! IT HURTS! IT HURTS!
Chaniqua: Whoa, those two are really getting it on.
John: Damn that sounds hardcore (hears banging from below)
(Below Greg is crashing against the wall in panic while Mary-Sue blows out the candles)
Mary-Sue: Greg relax… the candles they are out.
Greg: They are?
(Greg breathes a sigh of relief)
Mary-Sue: Greg what was that about?
Mary-Sue: It had to be some…
Greg: Nuthin', it was nuthin', I'm going to sleep.
Mary-Sue: Sleep? What about…?
Greg: Tomorrow I'm not in the mood right now.
Mary-Sue: How can a 15 year old hormonal boy not be in the mood for sex?
Greg: I said goodnight!
(Puppy dog eyes from Mary Sue)
Greg: Look, I'm sorry it's just, I just… well… I'll explain tomorrow.
(Goes to sleep)
Mary-Sue: Fine then… but tomorrow I will get answers.
Helpless TA: Come on you guys time for more rides! There's the Blast Wave coaster that I'm dying to go on... but I get the front seat!
Sarah: Err, Lucy why are you with her? (Points at Imogen trailing alongside Lucy)
Rhys: Yeah you can come with us.
Lucy: No thanks, me and Imogen are alright with each other.
Imogen: I found a friend.
Elliot: What Lucy! You're going to spend you're morning with her rather than me! You already missed the night with me.
Lucy: Elliot.... your a great boyfriend and all…
Imogen (cutting to the chase): Hey look here "mate". It amazes me how you can't even kiss this girl, yet you wanna fuck her within a day. If you'd really loved her you'd kiss and cuddle her, and let her spend time with friends. Yet here you are staring at her tits right now, desperate a good shag, well you ain't getting one, because Lucy here is not a sex machine she's a person!
(Elliot's jaw drops wide open)
Elliot You doe know nothing about us! So don't fucking speak... erm... what's your name.
Imogen: Oh for the love of...
Lucy: (Embarrassed) Well thanks Imogen, but I can handle him, (to Elliot) you do love me, don't you?
Ellliot: Of course I do you're the...
(Mary-Sue enters and sees the situation)
Mary-Sue: Oh dear what's this? I see Imogen has found a friend, and by the sound of things Lucy doesn't really love you at all Elliot, It appears you have been led on.
Elliot: What!? No!
Mary-Sue: Well it's obvious you have.
Elliot: (independent for the first time): You know what! Mary’s Sue's right!
Imogen: As always.
Elliot: YOU LUCY! YOU'VE BEEN LEADING ME ON FOR YEARS AND I DON'T NEED TO STALK YOU ANYMORE, I AM MY OWN MAN!
Imogen: Well that relationship ended very quickly. (Lucy cries) You're better off without him anyhow.
(He walks off dramatically)
Dean (hissing): Yes!
Gordon: I AM A MAN TOO!
Thomas: No you're not and please put some clothes on!
Gordon: (stark naked) But I like to prove my manliness.
Asif: You're scaring away all the customers.
Sarah: The rest of the gang already did that.
Florence (to 3 year old): THY ART SENSE A GRIM FUTURE FOR YOU MY CHILD, YES THY ART INTERNAL ORGANS WILL BE RIPPED FROM YOUR BODY BY A GIANT HAWK AND YOU WILL DIE A LONELY DEATH IN THE MOUNTAINS!
(Child leaves crying)
Jack: Great, at this rate we'll be the only ones left at the park.
Aaron: That's a good thing retard, and then they'll be no queues.
Jack: Oh yeah, never thought about it like that.
Florence: ... so narrow minded, honestly...
John: See us chav's are clever too.
Chelsea: Yeah, we're clever. Especially me.
(Jaya will hunt you down if you say it)
Sanjay: No Chelsea… just no…
George: Morning all! What's happened here.
Mary-Sue: Oh it appears Elliot and Lucy have broken up, very sad indeed.
Greg: Ah well, I'm going out.
Mary-Sue: See you in a minute.
(He and George leave, Mary-Sue, Imogen and Lucy are left alone)
Imogen: So bitch, what game are you playing?
Mary-Sue: What game?
Lucy: Don't play dumb with us!
Mary-Sue (in deadly voice): Alright listen bitches, Greg is mine and I am his, you will not be getting in the way of that.
Lucy: We weren't planning too.
Mary-Sue: But you, especially you Imogen, are being a nuisance with all this looks don’t matter business, it's all down to personality.
Imogen: What's a matter you lack a personality, doll? Need your looks to carry you through life?
Mary-Sue: I could have Greg, I have Greg actually, but you keep mucking it up, the drama is over, and you're getting him wired up with all your talk.
Mary-Sue: Greg is mine! anyone who tries to get in the way, or joins forces with Imogen here, I make their life hell, just like you… just then Lucy.
Lucy: So was it you? did you unleash the horror within that board? and you blamed Caz!
Mary-Sue: Dear God no, all that Drama was ruining me and Greg's relationship.
Imogen: Why do you want Greg so much?
Mary-Sue: His fit, I like him i… (Spills her purse which contains dozens of pictures of Greg)
Lucy: My God…
Imogen: Where did you even get those?
Mary-Sue: I… well…
Imogen: I WAS RIGHT! You are mentally ill! You're obsessed with Greg!
Mary-Sue: (sputtering): No I am… not…I'm…
Imogen: So everyone thinks you're this perfectly beautiful nice girl, but this is who you really are, some sad, little, fan girl.
Mary-Sue (growling): Say that one more time… and I will get nasty… trust me I can be a right bitch to get who I want, and get what I want.
Lucy: Because of your looks, how vile and manipulative.
Mary-Sue: If you tell anyone about this (scoops up her photos of Greg and indicates them)I-will-get-nasty
Lucy: Now what?
Imogen: Enjoy the day I guess… we can't really frame her, just stay away from her.
(Day passes smoothly)
Helpless TA: COME ON GUYS THE WHOLE YEAR SHOULD GO ON THIS ROLLER-COASTER! (Points at blast-wave)
Greg: COOL!(They all line up as they do Greg notices small things, like the fog beginning to develop once again, the ominous creak of the coaster)
Mary-Sue: You alright Greg…?
Greg: Yeah fine… (He notices the temperature has dropped, his breath comes out in smoke)
Greg: What the…?
Helpless TA: COME ON GUYS! I GET FRONT SEAT! I'VE BEEN ASKING ALL DAY SO I SHOTGUNNED IT! (She gets on the front, others also find their seats, Imogen and Lucy take the rear seats and Mary-Sue and Greg sit together, behind them are George and Thomas)
Elliot: HERE WE GO!
(Coaster beings with a lurch and travels uphill)
Greg: Something ain't right.
Mary-Sue: Greg calm down. It's over it's…
(Coaster begins a burst of speed and then suddendley it stops)
Cold Voice: I'm backkkkkkkk…
Rhys: IT'S OVER!
Florence: NO, LOOK THE BOARD, SOMEONE'S HOLDING IT UP!
Greg: IT’S IT’S NO...!
George: HELPLESS TA!
(Helpless TA grins back at them with an evil smile)
Helpless TA: Oh you guys are pathetic, Steve begin the ride to hell.
Cold Voice (Steve): As you wish…
(Coaster begins to move)
Greg: HOW! IT WAS YOU THE WHOLE TIME! HOW!?
Helpless TA: Ha! Oh Greg, Greg, Greg all of your enemies tried to get you in such a place in which you were covered by allies, and in the presence of Mrs Conrad Aldington!
Chelsea: Can you just explain the evil plot, this is the bit where you are supposed to.
Helpless TA: Fine! Remember last Monday how I said I wanted a break, well I found one the board in the school as I lagged behind you're group, and if you noticed I was late for science.
Chaniqua: Well yeah we noticed.
Helpless TA: It was because in the board was a walkie talkie… yes still working after years in the board… I spoke to a man called Steve who was once a friend of Riley Tibet, Steve was one of the toughest ever St. Amanda's pupils he could easily beat up Black Crestor's during a dare one night Riley placed the walkie talkie in the board. Steve owned the other one… so he could always protect his best friend whenever he called.
Greg: Frank mentioned that Riley used to carry the board around everywhere he went.
Helpless TA: Steve was a freak of nature… like Mrs Conrad one day the day of the mob on St. Amanda's, Steve was busy fighting, and Riley lost his board in the school… his brother chased him to Mortdale castle and silt his neck but not before poor Riley had managed to carve the board into the castle wall, hoping some other poor St. Amanda pupil could be saved by Steve.
Lucy: It's all fitting together.
Jack: Summoning a demon through a ouija board. Well I guess it was true in a sense.
Helpless TA: Not one St. Amanda student survived at the castle that day. Riley's brother Frank found the board and hid it in the school, thinking it was useless. Steve knew all this he never found the other half of the walkie talkie and he was left alone to grow up in Mortdale… bitter, and angry towards anyone. Rough, crazy and also a taxi driver…
Greg: Wait y'all telling me…?
(Cold Voice/Steve on the walkie): Is that the southern wanker who got into my taxi a week back?
Helpless TA: Yes that's him… (back to the group) see poor Steve here was becoming what he despised a chav himself. He was longing to escape his day job and Mortdale just like I was. So when I first contacted him, he immediately met in the corridor of St. Amanda’s. I told him, if he could kill anyone in that science class and get away with it, then I had a plan for us to leave Mortdale.
Imogen: It's so far-fetched, but so clever…
Helpless TA: It gets better, so I came into the classroom playing innocent, and I was never suspected. While Steve randomly selected Lily to die since he was previously at St. Amanda’s. He knew the place inside and out… he could turn lights on and off… close doors…
Chantelle: What about the fog?
Helpless TA: Eh? I dunno that just came naturally.
Helpless TA: I knew after the murder Greg and his nosy friends would set up a plan and find out about the school's past, so Steve went around acting like a demon… promising a murderer on Friday to scare you… me and Steve plotted in secret while you suspected the supernatural, me and Steve had logic. We planned to frame someone by throwing the board at them in the dark while Steve slithered around and of course Caz was framed and she died.
Greg: It's my fault I told her to go into school…
Helpless TA: Anyhow the next stage of the plan was to get the rest of you away from Mrs Conrad and to a theme park as an excuse for a celebration. Here no one could save you and trapped on a ride, especially one out of control. Steve snuck on the coach with me… managed to tinker with the ride before it went off. So now you're stuck on a roller coaster that is about to fall to pieces and you'll all be killed expect for me as I sat at the front on purpose as Steve told me it was the only carriage he didn't touch.
Lucy: Clever, but what was your motivation?
Helpless TA: My motivation? Why are you even asking it's too obvious. I was Helpless TA, just Helpless TA, forever enslaved to helping Chelsea to breathe, a life of pure hell, no one cared, no one thanked me! I felt ignored, I needed revenge!
Imogen: I know that feeling.
Aaron: Thank you for taking care of Chelsea, Helpless TA!
Helpless TA: It's too late for that!
Aaron: Well I tried.
Helpless TA: So to get my revenge, I finally got my hands on the mega weapon of a bitter human who could kill anyone, I took it. My dreams of freedom can be accomplished! Steve will even find a way to kill Chelsea… eventually… or cut her into a enough pieces and by the time she is back together me and Steve will be far away… free of fucking Mortdale at last.
Greg: What do you hope to achieve?
Helpless TA: To drag Chelsea to damn hell! It is the only way to kill her or halt her, and once she was finally dead and never coming back, I would be free of my job and now I have let Steve loose to do the deed I want, and when he succeeds we will both be free.
Thomas: If you just wanted to kill Chelsea, why drag the rest of us here?
Helpless TA: Because no doubt I'm stuck with this bloody class, and if Chelsea died for good, another one of you retards I would be assigned to care for, if you all died now, in a coaster crash, no one will ever now, it will be a tragedy I will have vanished, no one will care and no one will look I will be free at last.
Greg: So you don't want to take us to a desert island?
Helpless TA: No I'm taking myself there, along with Steve, now the coaster will increase in speed before it crashes in balls of fire and smoke, I will survive this crash as my lone carriage rolls up to the stop, from there me and Steve will escape there is no way to stop it, Steve cut the hydraulics good!
(Coaster begins to speed up)
George: GREG QUICK WE NEED TO GET TO HER! KNOCK THE WALKIE TALKIE OUT OF HER HANDS!
Greg: AND WHAT WILL THAT DO!?
George: Copy her voice to Steve tell him to stop the coaster as her carriage is failing as well… he might not save her… but he might by the sounds of it, he has the strength too…
(Coaster increases in speed, things are blur, people are struggling to hold on through the loops and corkscrews as the coaster spirals out of control Greg and Mary-Sue manage to remove their straps and crawl over the seats).
(Lucy and Imogen jump next to Mary-Sue and Greg as the back of the coaster sets alight)
Greg: Oh no fire…
Imogen: Greg snap out of it!
(Greg begins to stare)
(Imogen punches him across the face)
Greg: What was that for?
Imogen: Well for one payback and for two, She is two rows ahead we can still get her!
Helpless TA: YOU'LL NEVER REACH ME ON TIME! IT'S ALMOST TIME STEVE!
Chelsea: CAN'T BREATHE!
Helpless TA: SHUT UP!
Greg: Right I can do this… I can…
Thomas: Look I have a habitat of spotting plot holes… if Steve did manage to do all that stuff at the school WHERE THE FUCK DID HE HIDE AFTER HE KILLED LILY AND CAZ WE WOULD HAVE SEEN HIM AND NOBODY OPENED A DOOR!
Helpless Ta: Oh that... yeah he hid under the desks.
(You can feel the irony leaking off the page)
Year 11 Class: Oh.
Helpless TA: Yes oh, you half soaked idiots! Under the desk the whole time and none of you ever bothered to check! (Gives shrill laugh)
Sanjay: Oh this is just sad. Still why come on the coaster with us?
Helpless TA: I presumably die, as I'm on board and there's no way in hell you'll stop me...
(Meanwhile near to the front of the coaster Mary-Sue suddenly sees an opportunity and she takes it)
Lucy: What the hell…
(Mary-Sue kicks her in the stomach, Lucy flies backwards and ends up holding onto the carriage with the tip of her fingers)
Mary-Sue: SHE TRIED TO PUSH ME! (Points at Lucy)
Imogen: YOU LIAR!
Mary-Sue: GREG HELP ME IMOGEN IS GOING TO KILL ME!
Imogen: GREG KNOCK HER OFF SHE JUST TRIED TO KICK LUCY OFF THE COASTER! LOOK WITH YOUR EYES AND NOT YOUR COCK!
Mary-Sue: I DID'NT SHE DID!
Greg: But… but... Mary, I saw it with my own eyes, I don't wanna believe it but I know what I saw!
(Mary-Sue lands on Greg and pins him down)
Mary-Sue: (In a deadly insane voice): Okay now listen! YOU AND I ARE GONNA LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER! HA! I'M PERFECT! YOU HEAR ME! I'M PERFECT! YOU'RE PERFECT, WE WILL BE PERFECT TOGETHER!
Greg: Mary, y'all... Y'ALL ARE INSANE!
Mary-Sue: I just have flaws Greg, that's all just a little flaw, now Greg, you will get together with me! Now! Or I'll push Lucy off and she will die!
Imogen: YOU BITCH!
(Jumps on Mary-Sue a massive cat-fight ensures)
Lucy: GREG GO FORWARD! STOP THE COASTER!
(This he does)
(Mary-Sue is now got Imogen pinned down and is about to shove her off the coaster)
Mary-Sue: I win you whore, any last words?
(But with a last ounce of strength Imogen pushes Mary upwards they stand, Mary tries to pull Imogen off but Imogen lifts her foot…)
Imogen: ...GO TO HELL!
(… and kicks Mary-Sue in the face, Mary falls backwards and over the carriages until finally she falls of the coaster being alight when she makes contact with the last carriage and when she hits the floor Mary-Sue is dead).
Lucy: WAY TO GO! Wait am I cheering a murderer?
Imogen: It was a kill or killed situation.
Lucy: I suppose so now... OH MY FUCKING GOD HELP ME I CAN'T HOLD ON!
(The coaster is going haywire; Greg will have to make a leap of faith to get Helpless TA now or the coaster will crash)
Greg: LEAP OF FAITH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(He jumps though the air and lands on Helpless TA's carriage, he scoops up the Walkie Talkie, Helpless TA lunges for him but it's too late Greg grabs the walkie talkie as Imogen flies through the air and covers her mouth)
Imogen: Hurry up arse-wipe!
Helpless TA: (Muffled) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Greg (in Helpless TA's voice): STEVE STOP THE COASTER! IT'S ALL FALLING APART… IF I DIE WE CAN NEVER ESCAPE TOGETHER!
Steve: Shit! Hang on I'll stop it and kill the kids myself.
(Coaster speeds past the station, terrified onlookers see Steve leap in front of it because of his brute strength he manages to halt the coaster but the energy he exerts is too much he breaks several bones and falls of the track unconscious)
Helpless TA: STEVE WAKE UP!
Greg: (Silver the hedgehog voice) IT'S NO USE!
Helpless TA: You bastard! you ruined my plan…!
Greg: I am good at it and remember you are helpless.
Helpless TA: I'LL KILL YOU WITH MY BARE HANDS!
Greg: I would love to see you try.
(Helpless TA gets Greg in a choke-hold but the other year 11's pry her off and onlookers decide to help, after hearing Greg's story someone calls the police, rescue teams arrive to get the teenagers of the coaster and Helpless TA and Steve are dragged into custody).