Greg: Today is the day.
(He gets up nervously)
Daz: OH FUCK... SHIT!
(Greg walks in on Daz having a massive sex party with his mates and Caz).
Greg: You ready for this Caz?
Caroline: Oh yes, Greg come on top.
Greg: Not that, school.
Caroline: I and Daz have decided it will be safer for me if I stop here.
Greg: Okay, for one this thing is bound to get us anywhere.
Greg: Plus I think Mrs Conrad could protect you better than Daz, no offence Daz…
Greg: Never mind.
Mrs Conrad (from outside): ARE YOU COMING OR NOT!
(Greg sighs and him and Caz join the crowd)
George: Well today's the day.
Mary-Sue: Oh Greg if we survive the day, we shall make sweet, passionate, love on the floor.
Greg: I'd be willing to do it with you.
Chantelle: Okay, one it's called banging or fucking, and two you're not willing to do it you have to do it.
Imogen: You know doesn't anybody here stop and think before they pull their pants down?
(She learns she is speaking to thin air, she sighs and goes to catch up with the crowd).
Greg: Well this is a nice setting.
(St. Amanda's is surrounded by an eerie fog).
Chelsea: No it isn't actually, I can't see very far in it.
(They enter school, doors open and close, lights flicker on overheard).
George: Mr. Masterbate first, dear God I hope nothing happens in this lesson.
Mr. Masterbate: (as temperature reaches ghostly cold lows): Now, I know we have had strange occurrences in the past few days, but I can comfort you with open arms…
(Just then the his closet door, bursts open, and inside lie the several tourted children surrounded by sex toys).
Charmaine: Sir what's that?
Mr. Masterbate (quickly slamming the closet shut and locking it): Nothing, nothing just…
(Bell rings, Mr Masterbate is relived he shoos everyone out).
Aaron: Well that was an incredibly short lesson.
George: Mrs Conrad next... this is it… it's bound to be.
(They all enter, just as the last student does the door slams shut and seals with a click).
Mrs Conrad (unflinching): Helpless TA open the door.
(She tries but can't)
Helpless TA: It's locked.
Jack: OH THAT'S IT THEN! WERE DOOMED, TRAPPED IN HERE!
(Mrs Conrad tries to open the door with her kicks but fails, lights to flicker on overheard)
Cold voice: It is time. (Lights come back on)
(Naturally, the Class goes mad)
Mrs Conrad: Settle down! Foolish class!
Florence: THOU FOUL DEMON IS FORTHCOMING, IN A MATTER OF DEARLY DEPARTED SECONDS WHICH CLICK AWAY WHILE I ADDRESS YOU, MY LIFE SPAN GROWS EVER-SHORTER, THE MURDERER GROWS CLOSER, THE ONE WHO POSSESS THE BOARD…
(She goes into a trance)
Florence: I HAVE BEEN POSSESSED BY THE DEMON!
Rhys: Florence stop it you're embarrassing me. To be honest you're much louder and irritating than I first thought.
Florence: (in fake voice): RAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRR! I THE DEMON ER… OETHIDHBDFDBFIFDBDUICHCJDISJFKCMEPOFSKEOHNGJFVOERSDNVJKCDS IS MY LABEL! I SEEK THE BODY AND DEATH OF FLORENCE MCKINNEY!
Rhys: OH MY GOD FLORENCE STOP OVERREACTING!
Florence: AND NOW I KILL FLORENCE, I TAKE HER SOUL… I KILL AND SEEK BLOOD…
Rhys: FUCK THIS! FLORENCE WE ARE BREAKING UP!
Florence: THOU ART DIE IN SHOCK!
Jack: God, the things people would do for attention, this demon rubbish is…
Sarah: I don’t think this demon is fake.
Jack: Oh don’t you.
Sarah: We have to take this seriously Jack!
Jack: Oh whatever...
Sarah: actually Jack I've learnt you're narrow minded and such a bore! Plus you watch way too much of that reality TV crap.
Jack: FINE THEN! IF THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK WHY DON'T WE JUST BREAK UP TOO, YOU'RE GINGER HAIR IS A NUISANCE ANYHOW!
Imogen: As much as I was loving that series of Wife Swap going on, I'm glad that completely useless sub-plot is over.
Gordon: IT WASN'T USELESS! IT WAS THERE TO SHOW OUR FEELINGS!
John: Gordon that was fake and Gay.
Aaron: Gordon, you're outbursts are…
Jaya: A way of releasing all constraints undertaken upon the clouded mind.
(This ends the panic and Mrs Conrad speaks up)
Mrs Conrad: Do you all really believe that some demon is going to kill you all?
(Nods all round)
Mrs Conrad: Utterly worthless children, have you not registered I am in the room, and nothing can overpower me.
Lucy: Miss Noel did, a few days back when she knocked you out with a crowbar from behind.
Mrs Conrad: Mention that again you brainless airhead, and it won't be the demon you need to worry about.
Lucy: Sorry I...
Elliot: It's okay Miss, (winks at Lucy) see I can stick up for you.
Lucy: Aww, Elliot that's so sweet I think we should…
Dean: I CAN SEE THE DEMON!
(Everyone looks around there is no sign of the demon)
Dean: Err… I swore I saw the demon right… err there!
(Points at Imogen)
Imogen: I know I'm ugly but demon is a bit harsh don't you think?
Mary-Sue: Guys the lights are flickering we must escape.
(A tall black figure begins its approach as lights flicker more rapidly)
Greg: Y'ALL JUMP OUT THE WINDOWS!
Caz: THERE NOT BIG ENOUGH!
Gordon: I WANTED TO LIVE!
Imogen: Everyone shut up, I know who possess the Ouija board.
Greg: Oh my God, you do?
Imogen: Yes it's her! (Points to Mary-Sue the Class gasps)
Mary-Sue: I would never do that.
Greg: I know you wouldn't darlin' (turns to Imogen) HOW YOU DARE ACCUSE MARY!
Imogen: I'm just pointing out something, I mean other than her looks we know nothing about her.
Imogen: There is more to a person than looks.
Chaniqua: Da fuck.
Charmaine: Doe speak shite.
Thomas: Well if that's your world view you're screwed then.
Mary-Sue: I'm just an innocent girl from near-by, who survived Chav attacks and has a kind heart, and came to this school to love Greg.
Imogen: Sure you're not the “Immaculate conception”.
Mary-Sue: No, I'm not that perfect, never the less, when I was 2 I heard voices from the angels, and my aunt says I can be canonized a saint in the Church for fulfilling God's duties…
Greg: Oh y'all so adorable.
Thomas: You said it Greg.
Imogen: Oh for God's sake open your eyes!
(Behind her, Chelsea does).
Chelsea: Oh my God, I've learnt to blink again!
Imogen:…Nobody's perfect most likely Mary-Sue is just mentally Ill!
Florence: THOU ART SCARRED FOR LIFE WITH YOUR UNFORGIVABLE WORDS!
Mrs Conrad: I think I must kill my own offspring. I cannot let that thing live after what I just heard.
Greg: FUCK YOU BITCH! YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS!
Imogen: SO WHAT IF I AM! I SUPPOSE YOU WOULD IF YOU IGNORED EVERY SECOND OF YOUR LIFE ESPECIALLY OVER SOMEBODY AS WOODEN AS KRISTEN STEWART!
Lucy: That was a low blow.
Aaron: It is on.
Greg: I BET IT WAS YOU WHO CAUSED THIS AND FOUND THE BOARD, CRAVING ATTENTION SO BADLY!
Florence: Yeah God who does that?
Thomas: Does the word Hypocrite ring… erm... a clock with you?
Jaya: Try and rephrase that one more time, I will see it as my duty to kill you.
Gordon: Guys… I
Imogen: AS IF I WOULD WASTE MY PITIFUL BREATH ON YOUR PATHETIC EXCUSE OF A CLASS!
Mrs Conrad: Actually save killing her, I am proud of that comment.
Gordon: Guys… the lights are…
Greg: YOU'RE THE KILLER, COME ON GUYS LET'S GET HER AND…
Everyone: WHAAAT! Gordon: THE LIGHTS ARE ABOUT TOO…
Cold voice: Now the fun begins
(Screams, the class goes mad; Mrs Conrad kicks in the dark as something or someone prowls around).
Greg: MARY! MARY! MARY! (a window is shattered and the flying glass injures many of the class, but fails to kill anyone, but people are bleeding profusely).
Greg: Ugh… Mary I…
(The room has now been illuminated by the sun's ray's from the broken window, the hole in the window is just about big enough for someone to fall out of. Greg can see someone holding an Ouija Board).
Greg: YOU! You did this!
(And it turns out the villain...the person responsible for the death of Lily is…)
Caz: Are you…
(She looks confused, but not for long as Mrs Conrad sends a kick flying her way and Caz finally does fall out of the window and she impales herself onto a shard of glass below. She struggles for a few seconds, before coughing up blood, shuddering and then going still.).
Elliot: What happened?
Mrs Conrad: It was Caz. Caz all along.
Florence: I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT!
Jack: Oh shut up Florence and just kiss me!
Imogen: Well that was quick reunion.
Jack: Glad you're alive little princess, nearly dying made me realise how much I loved you.
Florence: Me too.
Sarah: Rhys I felt the same.
Rhys: Me too.
Dean: And it all ends happily, so Lucy all we have to do is…
(Too late her and Elliot have got back together)
Dean: (expostulated) Oh come on.
Mary-Sue: WE DID IT! WE DID IT! GREG!
Greg: I can't believe it was Caz all along, she was Daz's girlfriend. He will not take this well…
Thomas: Err guys... as happy as I am that we have solved this, can someone call an ambulance I'm bleeding out over here.
Asif: Sure thing, another day, another mystery down.