(The next morning)
Daz: What do you mean you caught the plague?
Greg: Err, well not the plague, but err the… Mad Cow disease.
Daz: Hang on Greg…
Greg (thinking): Crap I'm busted like a tyre over the plains of...
Daz: You need a pillow, mad cow disease can put a strain on the neck, from what my mates told me about it, and you'll need the day off school.
Greg: I am seriously ill. (Thinking) can't believe they fell for it.
Daz: Right, I'm going out to Da club, Lake guard Greg, and Caz tell em why Greg couldn't be at school.
Caz: Oh I will (looks out of window crowd is moving away) well Greg I'll be slightly late, but when I tell Mrs Conrad, oh she will get you in school, no matter what.
Greg: Yeah I've noticed that.
(As soon as the door closes and Caz leaves Greg springs to his feet and gets dressed).
Greg: Right I need to get there on time, chav clothes check, Lake stop yappin' actually come with me I need protection.
(They set off)
Greg: Mortdale prison… well here it is, not hard to miss.
(Looks at a massive grey building)
Receptionist: Hello are you here to see somebody?
Greg: Err; yeah I'm here to see Frank Tibet!
Receptionist: How old are you?
Greg: Goin' on Twenty
Receptionist: Sir, you don’t look over 18 I'll need to see ID.
Greg: WHAT THE FUCK, YOU STUPID CUNT! LET ME THEN OR I’LL SET MY PITBULL ON YA!
Receptionist: (terrified): Ah, okay err unfortunately Mr. Tibet has been deemed too “Dangerous” to leave his cell, but I could take you there.
Greg: Brilliant, that would be… great.
(Receptionist leads him to a single cell and leaves Greg alone with…)
Greg: So you' re the sonuva bitch whose head of Black Crest school.
Headmaster (Frank Tibet): Ahh, Gregory you've returned, how are you getting on?
Greg: Great know that you're behind bars.
Frank: Oh Gregory, so why have you come to see me? feeling remorse?
Greg: Remorse? Don't make me laugh… Frank.
Frank: You know my name, I suspect this is about my brother.
Greg: You killed him I'm bettin'.
Frank: He earned it.
Greg: I bet you never told your Crestor Crew you once went to St. Amanda's.
Frank: That is irrelevant, by the time of the attack I was already a fully-fledged Black Crest pupil, yes he thought that precious Ouija Board would protect that pathetic dump he referred to as a school, yes very pitiful indeed.
Greg: He carved it by Mortdale Castle before you killed him.
Frank: Ah yes, I remember it well, “DON'T KILL ME!” God, how pathetic my whinging little brother always favoured by mother and father, I joined the chav hordes after the attack, and little Riley went back to Mummy and Daddy, in a wooden box.
Frank: Thank you so much Gregory.
Greg: Give me the board.
Frank: Oh so this is why you're here! You think I have the board! Jesus Christ this is too funny!
Greg: People have died already!
Frank: Close too you?
Greg: Kind of.
Frank: Even better.
Greg: Tell me! For Pete's sake more people are gonna die! Don't you have a shred of humanity in you?
Frank: This is Mortdale people always die and do I look like the charitable type?
Frank: Well done for figuring that out.
Greg: I believe the board caused it, your brother's board there's a demon within it.
Frank: A demon? Ha! My brother carved that symbol into the wall in the hopes someone would find it one day, whenever I was around him nothing happened, it's just a stupid board.
Greg: You're lying.
Frank: My lie detector proves false.
(He produces one)
Greg: They let you have that?
Frank: A lot of crap about being truthful about who I murdered, I was well pleased to admit it, see here I was not lying.
Frank: Gregory your week long history in this town must have taught you something about villains not unveiling the great plot until the end, why would I do it now? I'm here to confuse you not help.
Greg: So if it's not you…
Frank: I must have a rabid fan out there.
Greg: I'm not even gonna bother to ask you who you think it may be.
Frank: Getting smarter are we Greg, well you have another murderer on your hands hope they break your legs, literally.
Greg: Well I'm done here; hope you rot in hell scumbag.
Frank: Gregory, before you go I'll have you know, the police around these parts are no-where as good as those two from your hometown, nor the mighty Mrs Conrad, I'll break out soon with my juveniles.
Greg: And I'll be ready for you.
Mrs Conrad: I don't care how much flattery you use on Mary, I cannot retain any reason for your boyfriend's absence any longer!
Mary-Sue: Please just another minute.
Mrs Conrad: He has had 10, if he is not here in 60 seconds he dies…
(Greg bursts in)
Greg: Sorry I'm late y’all, I had to drop Lake off back home.
Imogen: (in Mrs Weasely's voice): Where-have-you-been!
Chantelle: Strip club probably.
Greg (sitting down): No actually I went to Mortdale prison.
(Stares all round)
Aaron: Thug life Greg.
Greg: No, actually, I went for some answers...
Mrs Conrad: I hope everyone is paying attention! To my work!
Greg: I'll tell you guys later…
(Later... in Miss Lofty's lesson)
Miss Lofty: ...and (sobs) I know this will come as a shock to you all, but (gulps) MR LAMMY LOTS DIED LAST NIGHT! (Collapses to the floor in hysterics)
(The class is paying no attention to her, but are listening to Greg tell his tale of the trip to the prison, he finishes leaving silence).
George: So that explains a lot and yet nothing.
Florence: Well I think that explains a lot about our enemy headmaster.
(Everyone looks at Florence)
Asif: Asif you just spoke normally and not... Shakespearean.
Florence: I can do that you know.
Jack: Wow that's a shock.
Florence: Shut it, idiot.
Jack: Oh I'm the idiot; I'm always Mr too boring to do anything half the time…
Imogen: Okay you two the bickering couple SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Chantelle: I KNOW RIGHT SOME RETARDS JUST LOVE THE SOUND OF THEIR OWN VOICE!
(Thomas opens his mouth)
Jaya: Don't even think about it. (Thomas gulps and closes his mouth)
George: Anyhow, can we get back to the point?
Imogen: What is the “Point” we have no new leads.
Gordon: LET'S JUST GO EXPLORING!
Aaron: You know I agree with Gordon on this one.
Sarah: I mean guys come on let's just relax we have the whole of today and tomorrow to solve this.
(Final bell rings)
Class: Well done!
Sarah: Sorry only trying to be positive.
Chaniqua: Well stop it ginge.
Rhys: Oi! Don't say that, how would you like it if someone called you ginge?
Chaniqua: I'd laugh and remind myself that if I was ginger, a guy wearing nappies didn't stick up for me.
(She laughs and leaves)
Rhys: No problem.
Jack: Come on then Sarah let's go.
Rhys: Great she still takes Jack over me, how does that work?
Thomas: Probably because of your vile personality.
Rhys: I just stuck up for her! Who are you standing up for right now! Huh!?
Thomas: Humanity, they really don't want to hear your voice.
Florence: Come on Rhys let's go you don't need Sarah anyhow.
Imogen: You just spoke normal again.
Florence: Yes, God I do speak normal for Jac… I mean Rhys because it can show I am caring and…
Mary Sue: Guys were straying off the point, what are we going to do?
Greg: Well done Mary-Sue, for reminding us all of the main point and speaking common sense.
Imogen: If I kill someone now, will anyone notice?
(She is ignored)
George: I say we wait until Friday to strike, Mrs Conrad will protect us, we have her on Friday.
Greg: So it all boils down to then.
Lucy: God, I'm nervous.
Dean: You can hold my hand, because I…
Elliot: (bursting out): LUCY COME LIVE WITH ME! PLEASE COME BACK! I LOVE YOU!
(Mrs Conrad walks past)
Mrs Conrad: That was the most pathetic declaration of love I have ever seen in my life.
Lucy: Elliot, you're nice in all… but we've broken up now and…
Imogen (singing to herself): … are never, never ever getting back to together.
Caz: Why do you keep doing that?
Imogen: Wow, I've been noticed and remembered.
Caz: But why…?
Imogen: I spent a lot of time inside, I like to quote movies and music tracks, it's a hobby of mine.
Imogen: I like my hobbies, Problem?
Caroline: I have several regarding you.
Mrs Conrad: Are you lot going to stand here until the school closes.
(Everyone leaves expect for Chelsea)
Chelsea: Forgot how to move.
Helpless TA: I question on a daily basis whether my life is worth living.
(and after a tense Thursday… which passes fairly normally... Friday arrives...)