Act 4 

(After worthless Police Interviews, covering the topic of Lily's murder) 

George: Great we still have to go to Miss Lofty's lesson, and we missed all of lunch. 

Imogen: Considering someone you have just known for years has died, those interviews seemed extremely short, and no one seems to shocked or grief stricken. 

George: You get used too it, wait hang on a minute why are you with us? 

Imogen: Is it against the law? 

Greg: Nah, it's just… who are you? 

Imogen: I give up. 

(Mary-Sue enters crying) 

Mary-Sue: Oh this is terrible.

Greg: Don't worry darlin’ we’ll be fine nothing will… 

(Just then a door at the end of a corridor slams shut. Greg sees a dark figure swiftly disappear behind it) 

Greg: Whose there? 

Imogen: (mystical voice) It's the ghooooooooost...

Mary- Sue: (ignoring her) You know I can actually feel a presence. 

Imogen: Yes, you have finally realised I exist. 

George: No, wasn't this school meant to be haunted?

(The rest of the class enters at this point) 

Chantelle :(to Chaniqua): So Daz dumped me by text, because Mrs Conrad said she would do things to him and me if we didn't stop going out… 

Chaniqua: What a shame (thinking about dating Daz as he is now single). 

George: Guys you'll never guess what just happened.

Chantelle: Greg and Mary finally did it. 

George: A door slammed… and we saw...

(As he says this lights flicker on and off overhead) 

Gordon: I'M SCARED! 

John: This ay scary you wimp. 

Lucy: It’s Mr Masterbate, he uses this method on me all the time to sneak up on me. 

Elliot: Yeah but with me around he day do it no-more. 

Lucy: Ermm, Elliot honey, his done it like 20 times already. 

Elliot: Err… I was absent. 

Lucy: Elliot... you know maybe he woundl't approach so often if you just kissed me... just once...

Elliot: (Nervous and sweating) Yeah... well... duh? Course I'll kiss ya, just later. I'm nervous that's all, I mean every couple kisses right?

Imogen: Well Nahhhhh! 

Lucy: No need for sarcasm. 

Dean: You know Lucy I think Elliot is…(They are cut off by a blackout) 

Cold Voice: Friday, the next murder occurs on Friday, so find me before I find one of you… 

(Lights come back on Greg discovers it was Gordon who was clinging to his leg and Rhys has wet himself). 

Sarah: So a normal death threat, I'm too used to them know, but who was that?

Rhys: It was a demon; this school Is meant to be haunted so it's killing us off. 

Sarah: No it was a sadistic pupil. Use your common sense before you leap on demon bandwagon. That's if you have any common sense...

Rhys: God! Can't you see? the signs are obvious.

 Thomas: Rubbish some sadistic murderer could have easily made those sounds and closed the door. 

Rhys: Shut up Thomas, and shut up Sarah! 

Jack: Leave my girlfriend alone, one a demon does not just attack people randomly for no given motive… 

Imogen: Actually if you watch movies like the Grudge, the demon attacks because we have stepped onto the territory of the demon and it seeks revenge...

(She is ignored) 

Jack: … Two Lily wrote White View Mag, she was not the most stand out person in the world, so the murder was random. a serial killer in the class is loose. 

Florence: I have a simple explanation, THY ART A DEMON WE MUST KILL IT WITH FIRE! 

(Greg begins to panic) 

George: What's up with you? 

Greg (recovering): Nothing, y'all, nothing... but come-on we don't have to burn-the school down- you-you know? (gives a breathless laugh)

Jack: Greg's right, we should examine this case carefully… 


Jack: SHUT UP! 

Florence: YOU ART TO SHUT UP! 

Mary-Sue: Why not just call the police in?

Greg: Mary there pretty helpless, as you just saw with those short interviews. But I do have two police officers keeping track of me… they'll come back if they hear trouble and they saved the day last time. 

Mary-Sue: But guys considering they don't come something, or someone is still after us and we need to work together as a team to overcome this threat. 

Greg: Oh Mary you're such an inspiration. 

Mary-Sue: Oh Greg you're so handsome, but I am an international spokeswoman for the UN and have won over 20 awards for my services… 

Imogen: Can you fly? 

Mary-Sue: Actually, my uncle gives me flying lessons and I'm a qualified pil… 

Imogen: Forget it! 

George: So guys I think we need to start with the back-story of the school to see if it's haunted or not, EVERYONE TO THE LIBRARY!

(Long pause) 

Chaniqua: What the fuck is that? 

Thomas: The place where us nerds go when not in the bunker. 

Chaniqua: Oh, that place full of square things.

Thomas: There called books. 

Chelsea: Really! I've been trying to figure that out since Helpless TA first showed me one of those square things. 

George: Come on guys, to the library! We'll just have to skip, Miss Lofty's lesson! 

(They all go expect for the chav gang) 

Aaron: Well; I never thought I'd say this but I rather to go to lesson. 

Ryan: Yeah I agree. 

Chantelle: Well come on then. 

Charmaine: Where's Gordon? 

Chelsea: I think, he said something about wanting to learn. 

Helpless TA: If only you wanted to learn Chelsea… 

(Cut to The Library, where Greg, Mary-Sue, George, Lucy, Dean, Elliot, Imogen, Caroline, Jaya, Thomas, Sanjay, Asif, Rhys, Sarah, Jack, Gordon and Florence are crowded around a bookshelf)  

Thomas:… smaller than our own library back in White View, still here it is the official history of St. Amanda's and Mortdale Castle. 

Sanjay: Oh this this so exciting! 

Aaron: Oh God give me a break. 

(Everyone jumps the chav's have turned up) 

Asif: Asif this is happening! 

Chaniqua: Allow me to explain...

Caroline: Let me guess, Mr Lammy Lots was going to be grandfather… 

Chaniqua: Pretty much.

Caroline: I feel your pain. 



John: Never do that again. 

George: Here we go, St. Amanda's was built in 1954… 

Chelsea: What…?

Lucy: (slow and loud voice) …VERY...OLD…CHELSEA.

Chelsea: Oh... okay. 

George:… blah, blah, blah, on 2nd December 1981 an attack from neighbouring school Black Crest… 

Thomas: Heaven help them, look at those pictures, just like what we went through. 

Mary-Sue: Oh Greg, I heard all about your past, I am so sorry and wish I could have been there for you… 

Greg: Oh Mary, you don't have too… 


Sanjay: Alright here!

(Chucks her a 50 page report, Imogen Reads) 

Imogen (after finishing): I am very glad to say I missed all this. 

Chelsea: It was fun. 

Imogen: Oh yes because almost being killed by a mob on a pink car and having your school destroyed by the rival school sounds like a helluva lot of fun… 

Lucy: Carry on George. 

George: … The motivation for the attack was not clear, but the Black Crestor's were described as the "rowdy" type. 

Dean: Basically they got drunk and mobbed this school in the past. 

Thomas: Just like we were. 

Greg: Yeah, but that time the headmaster didn't sell one of his pupils just so he could escape with him into a nerdy paradise… sorry carry on. 

George (annoyed): Anyhow 90 per cent, of the St. Amanda student body were killed in a tragic mob on that day, the mob not only affected the school, but also deaths went as far off as Mortdale Castle. 

Imogen: Oh this town with its lovely past… 

George: So after this event, St. Amanda's was wrecked, several attempts were made to improve the school and rebuild it, this efforts were eventually abandoned in 2002, and the school has been empty ever since… 

Mary-Sue: (tearful): How tragic.

George: … until recently where plans have been drawn up to restore the school for residents of the surviving White View students, in which it will serve temporary residence for White View pupils, whose school was destroyed in a similar scene to that St. Amanda’s incident years ago. The local council hopes to reopen the school permanently… 

Jack: Cool story bro… 

Elliot: Amazing, how quickly they managed to get that into the book and restore this school.

Chantelle: I know right. 

George: Hang on it doesn't finish there, here are the interesting bits… the school and nearby castle are said to be haunted by the ghosts of the dead pupils, and a urban myth of Mortdale is that the named Crestor Crew left something in the school that when found can cause terrible devastation…

(Eerie pause) 

Chantelle: It's a broken condom. 

Imogen: Sounds very Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets if you ask me. 

Florence and Rhys: THOU ART A DEMON! 


Aaron: Will you two just fuck already.  

(Final bell rings) 

Elliot: HOMETIME! 

Gordon: NO! (Everyone is judging him at this point)  I MEAN THANK GOD! 

Greg: Well I guess I see y'all tomorrow, especially you Mary my little, lovely, lamb.  

Mary-Sue: Oh Gregory, I hate being parted from you, but don't worry I have a black belt in karate I can look after myself. 

Imogen: and yet you can't be parted from your “love”. 

Caroline: Shut up you ugly shrimp! You're so rude!

Imogen: Frankly my darling, I don't give a damn. 

Jaya: Plus Caroline, does the word hypocrite ring a bell with you? 

(Everyone stares) 

Thomas: You said- if you heard that phrase on more time. 

Jaya: I would kill you, but that didn't mean I couldn't say it (she grins and walks off). 

(Later, walking home) 

George: Well Greg you have a girlfriend, nice going mate! 

Greg: Thanks y'all, but I'm worried, about what will happen to her if... we don't sort this out.

George: That murder prediction, on Friday oh come on, we have four more days and plus we don't even now if it's real or who it's aimed at. 

Greg: We learned that something is murdering people, probably a ghost or some sort of thingy ma bob... unleashed by a weapon in the school. 

George: Do you how far-fetched that sounds?

Greg: I don't care no one else dies, all I want is one day where I can relax. 

(George laughs) 

Greg: What? 

George: Relax, oh that's good un, no one relaxes in Mortdale. 

Greg: Oh yeah well I am just going to lie on the floor right now and relax! and what will happen… 

(He lies on floor) 

Greg: See I can rel… 

Chavette: MOVE! 

(Greg springs up) 

Greg: Oh-kay I get the point it's just so stressful.   

George: Tell me about it, what a day though, a death, break up's and affairs discovered we could give Waterloo road a run for its money. 

Greg: What's Waterloo Road anyhow? (flinches as a passer-by lights a cigarette). 

George (noticing this): So what’s with you and fire? 

Greg: (Startled): What, no, nuthin' nuthin' at all, (trying to change the subject) anyhow what's Waterloo road… 

George: (Earlier when Florence suggested burning the school you freaked out and then just now you did it again…

Greg: (Changing subject once again) err.... well were at my house now.

George: Well I guess I'll see you tomorrow then.

Greg: Yeah (They say good-bye and Greg walks into his house) 

Greg: Howdy, Daz! 

(He hears banging from upstairs) 

Greg: That'a strange; I thought Chantelle and Daz had broke up. 

(Lake comes up whimpering) 

Greg: Howdy lake, how come your whimpering? 

(Lake growls lightly his head shoots upwards) 

Greg: Chantelle never made you whimper, only Mrs Conrad did that…

(He stares at the celling in horror, understanding dawning on him)

Greg (bounding up the stairs): OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD IN HEAVEN ABOVE! 

(He bursts into the room, Daz was humping a soon as Greg bursts open the door he falls off the girl in shock and yells “GREG GET OUT!” But Greg sees the girl he was having sex with was…) 


Caroline: It's Caz my new name and don't forget it. 

Greg: What the fu… 

Daz: Well I couldn't have Chantelle so me Caz arranged to get together. 

Greg: But Caroline…

Caz: CAZ!

Greg: Okay... Caz... but you're so… posh and you've gone with... A CHAV! 

Daz: Cheers Greg.

Greg: But Caz, why him?

Caz: He had abs. 

Greg: So that's the reason you fell in love with him. 

Caz: Shut up Greg, you made a girlfriend in a short space of time too. 

Daz: What's this, have you fucked her yet? 

Greg: Her name's Mary, well Mary Sue and she is the most beautiful and amazing girl I've ever seen and she likes me… 

Daz: But have you fucked yet? 

Greg: What? No.

Daz: Eh, okay whatever. 

Greg: Oh so that’s it? My first girlfriend my first kiss and you're reaction is Eh! No great going Greg? Or any advice on girls?

Daz: Eh. 

(Just then Lake comes in) 

Caz: OUT! 

(Lake leaves trembling) 

Greg: You so unsupportive and uncaring! God I going to bed! Don’t bother to make dinner then! 

Daz: Kay then! If ya gonna be a moody little shit I woe bother! 

Greg: FINE!?

(Greg slams his door shut, Daz continues to shag Caz in his room) 

Greg (thinking to himself): My selfish excuse for a cousin is dating my classmates, one of us is going to die on Friday I have a new girlfriend and shit is going down with everyone else, God so much is happening lately…) 

The End

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