Old (Mort) Dale LivesMature

Act 5

Scene 2

Eric: Hi (shakes his hand) I'm Eric, this is my daughter Imogen and my wife Helen and this here is Greg and…

Mrs Conrad: Yes these introductions may take a while, but look, all we need is food and drink and we'll be on our way.

Sven: Well okay then, you lot follow me, we'll take you to our where our food is stored.

(They walk through the camp) 

Survivor 1: Why has Sven let them in?

Survivor 2: Why is he letting them have our food, for nothing in exchange?

Survivor 3: I don't like this, that one woman with this big nose, if looks could kill, jeez… 

Mrs Conrad: Who said that! 

(Survivors are silent) 

Daz: Bloody hell is that...? 

Suzanne: Oh no… 

Voice: Alrite Daz! 

(A 60 year old man runs up to Daz) 

Daz: Dale! 

Dale: Daz nice to see ya still alive bud.

Suzanne: Oh great, the 60 year old with HIV and bad breath lives.

Dale: Well hello to you too sexy, miss me?

Suzanne: Ever so dearly *note the sarcasm* 

Dale: Well want to give ol' dale here a hug? Or a little more? (tugs at her shirt as Suzanne shoves him off) 

Suzanne: What does N-O spell you twat? 

Dale: Sex right here… right now. Cor believe you managed to get her through this mess Daz, and all in one piece, hope you saved some for me.

Daz: Well me Su here are…? 

Dale: Su? Su? Daz yow know our golden rule, girls are made to fuck!

Suzanne: Dan here is just a mate.

Dale: Bloody el Daz, Dan! Dan! God y'am turning pathetic, first this loser (points at Greg) and now her (points at Suzanne) y'am too fucking soft Daz. (at this point a humiliated Daz hangs his head in shame) but still you'll be gagging for my cock now… 

(Again Dale tries to touch Suzanne, by throwing his meaty hands at her breasts she struggles to fight him off, Daz does not help Suzanne, even though he is right in front of the scene and before anyone else even notices it or gets involved…) 

Sven: DALE! GET OFF HER! NOT A WAY TO TREAT A GUEST AT ALL! 

(Dale releases Suzanne, as everyone turns to him) 

Dale: Catch ya later sexy.

(He runs off) 

Auntie Jeana: Ya running a camp full of rapists?

(Gordon shivers at this) 

Sven: No… look I'm v-very sorry about that… to make it up to you, will give you our food and you can go straight on your way.

Mrs Conrad: Good.

Imogen: Hang on… don't mind me asking, but where do you get your food from? 

Sven: We hunt wild deer and rabbits and t-things and stuff. There's still a few of em scurrying round, me, Dale and that other fella who was next to me earlier… Conor… yeah the three of us provide for the people here and we catch a lot of meat, roast it on that campfire and everyone eats. As for freshwater, there's a nearby natural spring, which water seems fresh enough and unaffected by the bombs.

Auntie Jeana: We came to the conclusion, that the whole of da ukay was bombed?

Sven: Yep, we got survivors that trekked miles to get here, because we managed to get a smoke signal up still they whole of the north has been flattened, we got one guy from Cornwall who says that area is toast, one woman managed to salvage a car and drive herself from there too here before her car broke down. The situation is pretty bleak folks.

Mrs Layton: Are we the first people you've seen? 

Sven: First sane one's, everyone else is either in a bandit gang, or raving mad, or half dead this community is for good of heart and mind only, I have my wife and my kids and my grandkids here, a whole family… my priority is that it's a safe haven.

Greg: Well it looks pretty nice.

Sven: Thanks young un, for the record, if you think this place is a safe haven where are you going may I ask? 

Thomas: The D bunker.

Sven: The D Bunker, up north? That old thing… sure it's indestructible as a base, but why actually try to get to a nuclear shelter, no one's hunting you are they? 

Joey: That's a long story… 

Sven: Well I wanna here it, still here you go…

(Displays food and bottled water in packages) 

Eric: This will do nicely, thanks a bunch.

Mrs Conrad: Well the drink is fine, but I thought you said you had fresh meat, why are you giving us this out of date, canned food crap!

Sven: These are our excess supplies, we need the good food and seeing as were you're passers-by, trust me this is the most I can give you, before a riot breaks out here.

Eric (before Mrs Conrad can open her mouth): We appreciate it.

(Just then Conor and Dale enter) 

Suzanne: Oh boy… 

Dale: ello again sexy, still Sven we need to go hunting.

Sven: I'm busy right now, tell you what, why don't one of you folks help with the hunting for us, in exchange for food?

Charlie: Ohh can I go! Can I please! Come on guys I wanna do something useful! 

Joey: Yew don't even know how to hunt, or shoot a gun Charlie.

Charlie: Now would be a good time to learn… ohhh… please mister!

Sven (eyes not meeting Charlie’s): Oh erm… no kid… sorry, if something was to happen out there, I wouldn't want you involved, we need someone… well tall with a lot of meat on them.

Priest: Well I'm the tallest here, I'll go, I've got the least to lose.

Sven (sighing): Alright then.

(Priest, Conor and Dale walk off) 

Mrs Conrad: Why do you have to be tall and burly to hunt so well? 

Sven: You can see better from high up and have more strength to restrain animals… well if it comes to that stage.

Wilhelmina: You don't mind if we stop here for a little while, y’know because I'm fucking aching all over.

Sven: Well erm… 

Greg: My leg feels like it's on fire, can we just stop a little bit, while we wait for priest to come back?

Sven: (hastily) You can meet him out there.

Florence: TO HELL THAT CAN GO! LATIC ACID IS OVERFLOWING IN MY LEGS I NEED A REST! 

Sven: (Sighs) Okay then… just don't expect to be here for too long.

Greg: We not plannin' on stayin' not with those guys coming after us.

Sven: What guys? In fact, now would be a brilliant time to tell me what you folks have been through… 

(The group settle down as Mrs Layton explains the whole situation too Sven and the camp survivors who listen in…) 

Sven: No bloody way, y'ave got no evidence.

Aaron: That is where I come in fam.

(He shows them all the recorded footage, of their trek across the wasteland for the past 4 days… it shows everything along with a lot of Florence, when the tape is finished Sven looks at the group) 

Sven: Well I'll be dammed, the person that did this is on that walkie talkie.

Survivor 1: FUCK HIM TO HELL! 

Random Slag in the Crowd: TORCH HIS GAS TANK! 

Joey: Wat? Yew make no sense, how do yew even know if he has a gas tank? 

Random Slag in the Crowd: I DON'T, I'M JUST SHOUTING MINDLESS ABUSE BECAUSE I CAN'T KEEP MY GOB SHUT! 

Mrs Conrad: Yes, so the whole of Mortdale had to suffer your opinion and now this camp has too as well, and as much as I hate to leave you, I reckon we have been here long enough.

Sven: Well y-yes you have been here a while now.

(Just then Dale and Conor enter) 

Sven: Whatcha get? 

Conor: That priest went out hunting, said he'd meet the rest of his gang out there.

Greg: But we got food. 

Conor: Just telling you what he said, I'll… I guess I'll go out and try and find US something then.

Sven: Yes, you do that Conor.

(They share a knowing look between each other, before Conor leaves, which raises Auntie Jeana's suspicion) 

Auntie Jeana: What was dat about? 

Dale: Ay nothing to get ya knickers twisted about you old bag, but before ya go can I just touch ya titties fit news woman? 

Suzanne: It's Suzanne, and no! (The group grab their supplies) well come on guys were off.

Sven: Yes, off you go, as harsh as it sounds I don't want them following you here and attacking us…

Dale: Them? Is there something I missed? 

Sven: I'll tell you, hang on.

(He starts to explain just as the group begin to leave the camp)  

Suzanne: Thanks for that by the way Dan.

Daz: What? 

Suzanne: Oh the sticking up for me against that old perv… NOT! What the hell was that! You just let him touch me all over and did nothing to stop it! 

Daz: He was my mate.

Suzanne: YOUR MATE MY ARSE! If he was your mate, he wouldn't have scolded you for making friends with me.

Daz: Well y'am scolding me right now! So you're no better! 

Suzanne: I have a reason to pissed off at you! 

Daz: SO FUCKING WHAT?! 

Suzanne: That's all you can say? "So fucking what!?" I'd thought you changed but you're still the same scumbag deep down.

Daz: WHY!? ALL BECAUSE I DIDN'T FUCKING STAND UP FOR YOU!?

Suzanne: WELL YEAH FOR A START…! 

Daz: FUCKING SELFISH CUNT! THE WORLD DOE REVOLVE AROUND YOU! I DOE AUTOMATICALLY BECOME A SCUMBAG JUST BECAUSE I FAILED TO PROTECT YOUR PRISSY LITTLE HIDE! FUCKING SELF CENTERED BITCH! 

(Silence) 

Suzanne: Don't talk to me, you're atrocious.

Daz: I ay bothering with someone, who can see the light shining out there arse.

Florence: I know right, some people… 

Joey: Oh come on yew two make up already? Why ya got a bicker like that? 

Suzanne: Because I'm disappointed in him.

Daz: And she ay as friendly as she lets on, she just dates her cameraman to climb up the career leader.

Suzanne: So? Least I have a fucking career, your just a slob on benefits, who can't keep it in his pants.

Gordon: Guys… 

Daz: Slob on fucking benefits? I look after him doe I!?

(Points at Greg) 

Suzanne: You look after one kid, that constantly gets caught up in trouble! 

Greg: Come on, don't get me involved…

Gordon: Guys… 

Daz: Yeah well I look after em as well!

(Points at Joey) 

Suzanne: AND!? His dad's dead! Probably because of your poor care! 

Gordon: Guys! 

Daz: THEIR ALIVE AY THEY?! AND I'VE DONE A FUCKING GOOD JOB OF KEEPING THEM ALIVE! 

Suzanne: DOESN'T MEAN THEIR HAPPY! WE'D ALL BE BETTER OFF DEAD RIGHT NOW! 

Gordon: GUYS! 

Daz: NO WE WOULDN'T! WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU WANNA DIE NOW!? WHO WOULD!? OTHER THAN THAT FREAK, MELODY!? 

Suzanne: I WANT TOO! 

(Long silence) 

Daz: What? 

(Suzanne starts to cry) 

Danny: Nice going there.

Daz: Shut that hole in your face, before I forcefully staple it shut.

Wilhelmina (to Imogen): Do me and Danny really sound as bad as that? 

Imogen: Yes, yes you do.

Daz: Suzanne… I… 

Gordon: Erm guys? 

Everyone: WHAT!? 

Gordon (terrified): I just wanted to point out, were out of the camp so where's Priest? 

Wilhelmina: He could be anywhere in this wasteland.

Mrs Conrad: He would have seen and heard us by now and come running with you two prats (points at Suzanne and Daz) going on at each other.

Auntie Jeana: I saw those looks they were giving each other, something ay right.

Mrs Conrad: So who cares? I most certainly don't.

Thomas: But what if they've done something to priest?

Mrs Layton: We can't go back for him! If his dead, his dead, I'm sorry but whatever they've done, it would be best just to run.

Thomas: Think about this guys, if they have killed Priest or done something to him then what about the rest of us? Think they'll hesitate, if Roger and his men show up? They'll point which direction we went.

Imogen: But isn't TPM watching us somehow, anyway? They'll find us wherever we go.

Thomas: That's true, but we could at least try and cover our tracks, or at least check that camp is all that it seems, if we get pushed back here somehow, we need to know these people are friendly. Plus it's the morally right thing, to go back and help one of our group in need.

Mrs Conrad: Morally right? Well I'm out.

Thomas: I'm going back in.

Jaya: I will assist you.

Eric: I'll go… 

Mrs Conrad: No honey, you're the only doctor here, going on a possible suicide mission is something I will not allow.

Auntie Jeana: Okay, let's think logically, me and Mrs Conrad are needed as the battle axe's here, we need Eric for his medical skills, Mrs Layton needs to lead the way, so none of us can go.

Charlie: So how are we gonna sort who goes back and who stays? 

Jaya: LET'S BEYBLADE!

(Abrupt silence) 

Charlie: Has anyone actually got a Beyblade on them? 

Mrs Conrad: No you narrow minded, naïve, little shrimp. No one has got an outdated, plastic toy, on them and we will not be using that simply pathetic game, to decides who goes and who stays.

Jaya: Just suggesting a solution.

Thomas: So how are we gonna decide?

Suzanne: Fuck it then, whoever wants to go just has to volunteer, in fact I'll lead whoever wants to go back.

Daz: Ya sure? I'll go as well.

Suzanne (sighing): Fine.

Greg: I'm coming too.

Daz: Nah Greg, doe be a twat, y'ave already done enough, doe put your life at risk again.

Greg: But Dan…

Daz: Stay here, hell Mrs C will look after ya, better than I can.

Greg: You're not a bad carer Dan, if that's what you're getting at.

Daz (shrugs): I dunno Greg, just stay here will ya? 

Greg: Fine.

Aaron: Well I'm gonna record this dilemma, so I'm going.

Florence: Wherever the camera goes, I will follow!

 Jack: I'll go, anyone tries anything funny… (twists metal in his hands) I'm gonna make sure they didn't.

Danny: Well you idiot's go die for a sulky priest with nothing to lose anyway, what a group of… 

Wilhelmina: I'll go, because this task will be dangerous and surely big, manly, Danny, will follow me. Nothing dangerous, he can't handle, right? 

Danny: Now, wait a minute...

Joey: Yeah Danny Mr- I –can-jump-on-creaky-bridges-and-brag-about-it. Surely yew can manage this.

Mrs Layton: You do seem… 

Danny (going red): Fine! I'm going, see if I care! Should be a walk in the park for me anyway.

Mrs Conrad: We'll wait here for half an hour, if you're not back by then. Were moving on.

Daz: Half an hour, right were off, c'mon! 

(Daz leads the way as he, Suzanne, Florence, Jack, Aaron, Thomas, Jaya, Danny and Wilhelmina re-enter the camp) 

The End

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