New Places with Old FacesMature

Act 5 

Scene 1

(March 5th) 

(Greg, Imogen, Daz, Suzanne, Danny, Wilhelmina, Jack, Florence, Gordon, Aaron, Chantelle, Charmaine, Chelsea, Helpless TA, Mrs Conrad, Eric, Joey, Charlie, Auntie Jeana, Mr Tedious and Mrs Layton all surround Melody's grave) 

Eric: Anyone want to say a few words? 

Mrs Conrad: No, were wasting time, we need to move, not mourn for this nutjob.

Priest (sobbing): She was my nephew… she was all I had left… (Wailing to the sky) WHY!?WHY!? WOULD SHE DO THIS!?

Chelsea: Erm sir, the sky can't talk back you know.

Helpless TA: Yeah, despite Chelsea's lack of knowledge. I actually get her point, screaming at the sky is going to achieve nothing.

Chantelle: I know right, I only scream at the sky when I have an orgasm.

Joey: And how are yew coping without a boyfriend? No sex for this long?

Chantelle: Oh doe worry I got myself a large enough dildo. (pulls a massive piece of steel shrapnel from her fanny) 

Wilhelmina: For old time's sake, how the fuck is that logically and physically possible? You got a TARDIS up there, or something?

Chantelle: First milkshake and now Tardis' ,it's called a fanny, plain and simple. I doe get what's wrong with people lately.

Imogen: You clearly don't watch films then.

Chantelle: You…!

Mrs Conrad: (warningly) Imogen, we spoke about this yesterday, one more argument with Chantelle here and trust me you will be slapped silly.

Eric: Honey, that's a little harsh, don't you…?

Mrs Conrad: Shut up.

Eric: Yes dear.

Thomas: Dominance in its prime, right there.

Mrs Conrad: Your point? 

Thomas (terrified suddenly): Oh… nothing.

 Chantelle: Anyhow as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted. (glares at Imogen) I use this as my dildo.

Joey: Your vagina's bleeding, doesn't that hurt? 

Chantelle: The more pain, the more pleasure, wanna try and stick your rock hard cock up here Joisey boi? See if you can make it bleed?

Joey: Yeah, I'll stick my cock up there… when I'm a corpse.

Chantelle: Deal then.

Joey: Yew is actually considering…? Oh okay, I give up.

Wilhelmina: Thought you gave up ages ago.

Joey: I did but… this, this just reached a new level, of messed up.

Greg: But Chantelle? What about the baby? Won't using that, harm the baby too, and you said you'd look after it? 

Chantelle: I like to take risks sometimes, besides, I did much worse with my previous babes and there all fine.

Greg: They ended up in an orphanage and there probably all dead now! Aren't you sad? 

Chantelle: Never knew em, gave up for good reasons, you see if you can't be bothered with people, you doe get upset when they die, and you don't die of heartbreak like Priest here. Ain't that right Charmaine? 

Charmaine: Oh… y-yeah… 

Chantelle: You didn't sound sure.

Charmaine: Well… believe it or not, I- I am actually starting to like… 

Chantelle: Oh God bab, ya can be helpless sometimes but this… this is a change I doe like.

Mr Tedious: Don't hold her back, this is better side to her and we all like it.

Chantelle: Doe listen to your boyfriend.

Charmaine: Boyfriend? Chan I… I cor believe I'm saying this, but his a bit too old to be my boyfriend and were just… friends.

Charmaine: What the fuck is wrong with the world lately? Mortdale gone, Charmaine caring and making male friends she doesn't want to fuck, at this rate everyone will pair up and I'll be the only single one.

Florence: Not to worry, you have your Mr. Steel with you to pleasure yourself with.

Chantelle: But I need a real cock, if I doe get some soon I…

Gordon: EVERYONE SHUT UP! (Silence) 

Gordon: LISTEN TO YOU ALL BLABBERING ON ABOUT SEX AT A TIME LIKE THIS! OVER MELODY'S GRAVE! YOU SHOULD ALL BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES! CAN WE NOT HAVE ONE MINUTE TO RESPECT THE FALLEN!? 

(Longer silence) 

Aaron: Well Gord, guess yam right, ya should all be ashamed and respect needs to be shown.

Mrs Conrad: Well she is getting no respect from me, end of. Taking the easy way out, I don't care, so I'm ready to move.

Jack: I don't care either… (Twists metal in his hands) bitch had it coming.

Priest (snarling): What did you say? 

Jack: The. Bitch. Had. It. Coming. Thinking she was all superior to us all, because of her fake gift… 

Florence: Jack… 

Jack (ignoring her): …she committed suicide, because she was the traitor and she knew I would get her!

(Stares at his reflection, in the metal weapon in his hands) 

Priest: YOU 

(Charges at Jack as Joey tries to hold him back, but suddenly he falls flat on his face clearly passed out) 

Imogen: Whoa what…?

Charlie (hand outstretched and behind where Priest fell): Nerve in the neck, you hit it and it should knock someone out cold, Joey taught me yesterday.

Joey: Well done bro (Hi Five's him) not even I remembered that, yew really have potential to go far.

Charlie: I try my best.

Jaya: I suggest we move him, seeing Melody's grave will only cause him further grief and more anger, it is not needed not as this time.

Thomas: True, well let's get moving… 

Joey (to Melody's grave): Well looks like me and my cousin are the last two Americans here, we didn't speak that much but I believed your tales and maybe yew did have a gift. I don't know why you decided to end it all, but I guess it was tough on yew right? Still I hope you're at peace now… or at least a spirit watching us.

Gordon: … so beautiful… 

Auntie Jeana: Ain't it.

Gordon: Erm… I was on about Charmaine's ass and I meant to say it was fit fam.

Jaya: (rolling eyes) Of course.

(The group slowly pack up and leave Melody's grave and the tree and continue to move north) 

Wilhelmina: Are we there yet! 

Mrs Layton: Well it#s been five days since the blast, we've been walking north for the past two days, so today and for another 2 days we walk north and then we turn west, followed by 2 days walking and pronto were there!

Greg: Easier said than done, my leg is still aching.

Imogen: Hang on, I'll support you.

Chantelle: … getting it on… 

Auntie Jeana: Oh just shut it love… right on we go… 

(They carry on for another hour or so, before Mrs Conrad stops) 

Imogen: What's wrong? 

Mrs Conrad: There's nothing wrong, I am actually elated about what I have just discovered, that prick Danny is dead! 

Jack: Say what!?

Mrs Conrad: He hasn't been heard arguing with the pathetic drunk all morning, so he must be dead! 

Danny: Back here, actually.

Mrs Conrad: Shut up, I can dream can't I? 

Imogen: Mum's got a point though, you've been quiet lately, too quiet…. What's up? 

Danny: A 2009 Pixar film.

Imogen: No, why are you so quiet? Was it Zsa Zsa, Melody? 

Danny: It's not that… jeez. I'm just… 

Imogen: Just? 

Danny: …Thinking.

Greg: Bout what? 

Danny: Nothing concerning you.

Suzanne: Guys look over there! There's a smoke plume!

Greg (shivers): Not any more fire, I've been shakin' like a leaf since… 

Mrs Conrad: Shut it, wimp! This looks like it has other survivors written all over it.

Jack: And what if their all hostile! 

Florence: What if they are not? 

Mrs Layton: What if their cannibals? 

Greg: What if their Roger's men? 

Wilhelmina: What if they are just normal like us? 

Danny: What if there all assholes? 

Mrs Conrad: What if they are all assholes like Danny here? 

Aaron: What if they were posh? 

Imogen: What if there old or sick? They'll need help.

Thomas: What if their not? 

Jaya: What if they could be helpful to us? 

Gordon (singing terribly and in a fan boy outburst): WHAT IF WE ALL! OPENED OUR ARMS! WHAT IF WE CAME TOGETHER AS ONE! 

(Drawn out silence) 

Aaron: You get stabbed.

Auntie Jeana: Well he has a point; let's just check who it is.

(They approach the camp slowly, where there are is a large number of seemingly normal people trying to get warm around a large campfire) 

Daz: Other people, bloody hell I thought we were the last.

Eric: We should check if they have supplies, were running low ourselves.

Mrs Layton: They'd ask for a trade, what we could trade them.

Suzanne: I dunno but I'll handle this.

Florence: No, I am the prettiest and most photogenic and approachable (forces bust in Jack's face) this is how I will approach them.

Jack (muffled): et…. Fb… 

Daz: Yeah um Su, you handle this better.

Florence: WHAT?! 

Suzanne: Florence you're approach is just border-lining slutty, to persuade people you got to be classier than that, trust me I'm a newswoman. I am professional at presenting myself.

Florence (immaturely): Fine, let's let the grown up news woman, attempt to talk to these people, she'll ruin it for all of us.

(Ignoring this, Suzanne slowly walks into the camp when…) 

Random Slag in the Crowd: INTRUDER! 

(The camp is on alert instantly) 

Suzanne: Wait, I'm not here too… (Recognising Random Slag in the Crowd's voice) wait a minute… you, the lady that just yelled you're from Mortdale, aren't you? 

(From where she is hidden the crowd, Random Slag in the Crowd recognises Suzanne) 

Random Slag in the Crowd:  OH GOD! IT'S YOW! THE NEWS LADY FROM MORTDALE! 

Survivor 1: Wait, you know her? 

Random Slag in the Crowd: Not personally, but she's from Mortdale all right.

(Just then the leader of the camp spots Suzanne) 

Leader: Who are you? What are you doing here? What do you want? 

Suzanne (standing up straight): I'm Suzanne Reid, I'm a 26 year old newswoman from London who was transferred to Mortdale. I and my people hiked out here and we want supplies and then we'll be on our way…

Florence (mocking her): “My people” who does she think she is? 

Leader: Whoever your people are, where are they? I want to see them all! 

Suzanne: Guys come on out! There not gonna attack… I hope.

(Slowly the gang creep from their hiding place and face the wary camp dwellers) 

Man next to the leader: Mate their insane… look at all the weapons they have! 

Leader: And have the people that have attacked us, announced themselves like this? No they've all snuck in, they look sane enough, plus you know what we need, with this many people.

Daz: Well ya going let us in, or not!?

Leader: Sure thing! But if any of you so much as make a single move with those weapons of yours the camp will slaughter each and every one of you, without a second thought understand!?

Suzanne: We understand, we just need supplies! 

Leader: Okay then…

(Goes out to approach them)

Leader: I'm Sven by the way, elected leader here. 

The End

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