(The Next Day)
Choir: Three days till Christmas…
Chelsea: We can count y’aknow!?
Random Slag in the Choir: YOW COR THOUGH!
Chelsea: Yes I can, three comes after (she racks her brains and answer finally comes) eleven.
Danny (slowly heading towards Daz's house and thinking): Brilliant plan Danny, lead Greg there with that drunken fool, steal his cap, so I can pass as him and when those police officers come, I'll blart it all out and freedom from this town is mine.
(He pauses and thinks)
Okay don't get worked up about that Danny. I'm sure Greg will have finished off those low lives. I hope… but still, he was being a fucking idiot anyway, he’ll need to learn a lesson and that Wilhelmina needs to sober up and face the world. I’m just using the situation to my advantage.
(He pauses again, as he approaches Daz's house)
I should have at least closed the vent lid just in case… but nah, I'm sure they finished each other off, I hope…
Danny: (Thinking): Aw shit (putting on very bad southern accent and covering his eyes with his cap) ermm Howdy Daz! I'm back and as good as fiddle!
Taz: Oh thank fuck, those police officers are coming today are you okay? You’re not fucking drunk am ya!?
Danny: Ermm no, Daz's girlfriend.
Taz: It's Taz love, how could you forget?
Daz: And what the fuck has happened to your hair?
(Danny winces, his hair is much shorter than Greg's, his hair is also black and not blonde like Greg's)
Danny: Well, I got a haircut and a dyed my hair black. I was wasted, y'aknow...?
Daz: That's odd, people usually get tattoos when there wasted, not change their fucking hair.
Danny: I was completely outta of it.
Taz: Lay off Dazzy darling, can't you see? Greg's back to normal, then again Greg, it seems like you've grown a little.
(Danny gulps he is taller than Greg)
Danny: Ermm, well ain't I had growth spurt and a half? Huh?
Taz: Well that explains everything, well come on then...
Danny: (thinking): How thick can you get? I come here completely forgetting all these key features of Greg and they still accept me, I mean…
George (spotting Greg): GREG!
Danny (thinking): Shit! They’ve seen me…
(Deperstatley covers his whole face with his cap)
(George, Imogen, Lucy, Jaya, Jack, Thomas and Florence approach)
Imogen (Snappish) So, does Mr. Up his own arse drunk, out of his mind, still too angsty to hang out with his mates?
Danny: No ermm… I'm sorry y'all, I was being an idiot.
Imogen: Well Greg, I dunno what to say.
George: You're genuinely sorry, you mean it?
Danny: I do buddy, trust me I do!
George: Then look me in eyes and say that then!
(Danny mentally slaps himself, he has blue eyes and Greg's are brown)
Danny: I'm too ashamed George, after what I... well did. (He doesn't have a clue what Greg said to upset his friends, the only time he was not listening in, when the rest of Mortdale was) I don't deserve your thanks.
George: Oh Greg I know you sorry you retard, lighten up!
(Slaps Greg on back)
Danny: Aw, thanks buddy.
Lucy: Hang on a minute Greg, what happened to your hair?
Daz: He said he had it dyed and cut when he was drunk.
Danny: Yeah, I was a mess.
George: Well it's so glad to have you back buddy.
Florence: Look over there!
(Terry and Kerry are approaching)
Terry: Oh nice to see y'all again!
Daz: The feelings mutual *Note the sarcasm*
Kerry: Oh be quiet you, and Greg! (hugs him tightly) How you doing?
Terry: Yeah well, (Noticing his appearance) hang on Greg, what happened to your hair?
Daz: Ermm... I'll have you know it was a one off, but he got drunk and it got messed up!
Danny: Hey my hair is not…! I mean yeah it is pretty fucked up.
Terry: Well at least you're still Greg I know. I mean you'd never be stupid enough to carelessly give your beloved cap to someone else.
Danny (feeling guilty): Ermm yeah, I wouldn’t be that rootin' tootin' stupid.
Kerry: I see y'all coping well enough Greg, surrounded by so many friends.
Florence: Yes, well I and Greg are super bonded. (going up to him to gain attention) in fact…
George: We've had some tough times, but we pull through, right Greg?
Danny: (weakly) Yeah...
Terry: Anyhow, were staying over to spend Christmas with you Gregory and we just thought whether or not, it would influence your decision.
Danny: Decision for what?
Kerry: Well you're probably gonna decline this, seeing as you're not leaving this town any time soon, but me and Terry wondered if… well not only if you'd like to come back to Alabama, but come back permanently, we want to adopt you.
Daz: His under my care, you cor have him.
Kerry: I know it's unlikely he'll come with us, it's just a suggestion, if he wants too, do you Greg?
(Danny doesn't respond, In the silence Mrs Conrad and the chavs approach)
Mrs Conrad: What’s going on? (She is irrated by the silence)
Chantelle: What's happened? Why does Greg look retarded?
Danny: I don't I just… well got wasted and messed up my hair.
Aaron: Looks as if you messed up ya face too, why ya covering it?
Danny: I’m too ashamed, to show my face after how I behaved.
Ryan: You know you should be the same way Auntie Ari.
Aaron: Shut the fuck up, Auntie Why why.
Gordon: You too should both be ashamed, I told you that drug was too much.
Aaron: Well I guess you were right Gordon. I'm glad you came in to save us from that mob.
Gordon: See fam, me as myself is enough too batter the hell outta those hordes, while you two were fucking high, it's shameful you acted the way ya did.
Ryan: I know, I'll never live it down.
Chantelle: I know right, some dude gave me some yesterday, by the prison and I woke up with not just some clothes on, but a coat as well.
Charmaine: Omg Bab! were you alright!?
Chantelle: Yeah, but it was horrible I still get the shivers, If only I could remember who the guy was who gave it me, everything's just blurry before it...
Imogen: Wow, something that actually raises Charmaine's level of concern and Gordon you were high, when you were ape yesterday, weren't you?
Gordon: Nah man, when I'm fucking high I become a wimp, normally I'm like this.
(Jack rolls his eyes)
George: Well it's safe to say you chavs have embarrassed yourselves this Christmas.
Aaron: We could say the same about you, walking into Anne Summers. Charmaine posted into on Twitter and everyone has seen it.
George: Aw Great.
Thomas: I still can't believe you were that half soaked, I mean seriously.
Lucy: Look guys, were all half soaked and we've all done some pretty daft things can we get back to the main point.
Mrs Conrad: Which is…?
Imogen: Terry and Kerry want to adopt Greg
George: Well Greg you wouldn't go, not now, would you Greg?
(Danny is sobbing very loudly)
Danny: Terry… Kerry I- I can’t do this any-more!
Kerry: What's a matter?
Danny: T-this town I want to stay… I really do- b-but I can’t d-do this anymore!
Suzanne (appearing out of thin air and speaking to Danny): You're leaving Mr Winters, can we have a quick update on your thoughts at this time?
Kerry: No he can't, his had enough! (Embraces Danny) it's okay December 28th that’s when our flight leaves and you’ll going home.
George: But Greg you said…
Terry: That’s enough all of y’all!
Terry: This boy has been through far too much, in too short a space of time, if he wants to go home he has every right too!
Danny: I CAN'T DO THIS GUYS! GETTING DRUNK OUTTA MY MIND CHANGING MY APPERANCE! I JUST WANNA GO HOME! IT'S EASY FOR YOU THIS IS THE ONLY HOME YOU'VE EVER KNOWN BUT I HAVE MY TOWN… MY ERM…?
Kerry: St. Louisville, Honey.
Danny: YEAH, ST. LOUSVILLE!
Imogen: Greg, but what about all that stuff you said? About beating the chav hordes… you can't just run away from all that.
Mrs Conrad: Be quiet Imogen, I could force him to stay, but that will never stop the chav hordes he'll be a wreck, let the blubbering excuse of a growing man leave this town and wallow in his own guilt.
Florence (weakly): Well could you at least stay for my Christmas lights celebration, on Christmas eve… that would be nice…
Danny: Of course I will, thanks you guys for being so understanding.
(As crowd begins to disperse)
Danny (thinking): My plan worked, disguise as Greg ,somehow everyone believed I was him, the prison staff are out until after the holidays. Greg and Wilhelmina even if they are alive I'll be long gone by then… free of this town… this fucking town… at long last. With loving parents again and no chavs…
(He spends the night at a local Hotel with Terry and Kerry)
Terry: You've been so brave Greg, but in just a few days we'll have you outta here for good.
Kerry: That's right we sorted out the paperwork look me and Terry… were...
Terry: Going out, we liked each other for ages.
Kerry: Yeah and what would make us happier then for us as a happy couple to have a child like you… we've been plannin' to take you in and now we've sorted all the paper work it's uphill from here on out. I can’t wait, can you Greg?
Danny: Oh yes… (Thinking): Freedom…