The Last Four Sentences Are True as Well as the First Three Words

I was tired.   Nonetheless, I scaled the wall of the building and kicked in the window of the 20th floor office, this being less trouble than waiting for the lift, and possibly having to share it with the cow.

My Temptress dropped her pile of papers and rushed over to me, kissing my face all over and telling that she'd been fantasising about me all night long.   I wasn't surprised.  I'd been doing the same about her. but decided to play it cool.

There was a fanfare of bugles as the door burst open when we were about to sit at the desk to begin our day's task of stapling reports.    It was the cow, and she was angrier than ever, so much so that smoke issued from her flared red nostrils and little puffs from her ears.  She raised her arms as if to smite us and her eyes glowed crimson.  We had to act quickly.

''Bring forth the Holy Hole Punch.'' I cried.

Quick as a flash, my Temptress snatched up the venerable item and held it up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this Thy Hole Punch that with it Thou mayst severely impede Thy enemy, in Thy mercy." 

The cow cowered in the doorway, panting slightly and lowing, knowing full well what was coming.

And then I spake, saying, "First shalt thou prise off the Holy Plastic Cover on the bottom, which holdeth in the little spots of punched paper, then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then shakest  thou thy Holy Hole Punch  towards thy foe, who being naughty in the Lord's  sight, shall get covered in little circular bits of Holy confetti, which shall go up her nose, causing allergic sneezing for all eternity. Amen''  The other temps were chanting in the background.

I watched as she took the cover off the bottom of the hole punch, and emptied it into the waste paper basket. 

''Ah,'' said the woman in the doorway.  ''We don't throw those away, I should have said.   The local primary school likes to have them to use in their artwork.  Back to work, now, people.''

The End

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