Well, you're up to date now.

I wish I could bring some closure to this story. I wish I could end it with a "And they lived happily ever after" sort of ending. But the truth is, this story will continue until my last breath (and maybe even after that). How can I put an ending to something that will last long after I press the "Mark as ending" button?

I'm still healing. Every day is a process of finding my emotions again. Of choosing to believe in God's forgiveness. I will have ups, and I will have downs. But this time, I will not stay down. This time, I will remember that I don't have to be good enough.

Tomorrow, I will get up in the morning. I will choose to feel my emotions. I will choose to believe I am loved by those around me. I will choose to know that I am God's Beloved, even if I have days when my heart tells me I'm not good enough. I will choose to feel as valued as Idina is. I will choose to be an overcomer, because that's who I'm meant to be.

Strong people don't always come in the form of heroes. With God, I am strong, and I will beat scrupulosity and jealousy, day by day.

Because through it all, I have learned that I am stronger than the eating disorder I didn't have.

Author guidance for This work

This work is dedicated to all the siblings of individuals who suffer from eating disorders or other addictions... all those who feel forgotten in the midst of your sibling's chaos... all those who wonder if people really care. You are not alone. <3 I love you and believe in you.

Eating disorders seemed so far away, so surreal. I mean, we'd always known Idina was skinny, but not anorexic. We never thought something so sinister would attack someone so beautiful as my sister.
But it did.
And in the process, it attacked me too. I didn't ever have anorexia, but it affected me. This is the story of the eating disorder I didn't have.
This time, I won't hold anything back.

NOTE: Idina is not the real name of my sister. I used a different name so as to respect her identity.
Another Note: This note isn't mature in the ways you might think. For most readers, it wouldn't be mature. But I rated it thus because, as much as I'll try to avoid "triggers" (incidents that tempt an eating disordered individual to practice eating disordered habits), there will be a certain degree of frankness here. I'm going to try to avoid triggers, as I realize that some of my readers suffer from eating disorders themselves, but some things just have to be said.

I am not strong enough. But He is.

updated Apr 16 by cassandramorrow