On an extra-rough day during Idina's recovery, my mom and I went to visit some friends at McDonald's. I was feeling pretty happy - the friends we were with were ones I really enjoyed (and still enjoy).
But after awhile, I looked over and saw my mom crying. She was, no doubt, expressing her concern for Idina. And as I watched my mom cry and pour out all her emotions and worries, I felt a wave of jealousy wash over me. I had nobody who would listen to my side of Idina's story.
And as the jealousy overcame me, I felt myself doing something. But this time, it was involuntary.
This time, I couldn't stop myself from retreating back into my shell of emotionlessness.
It had become second nature.
All my hard work to attain my feelings again...it all went down the tubes as I sat there, overtaken by lack of feelings.