The last summer before Idina headed off to college was bittersweet. Bitter, because I knew it would be our last summer together, but sweet, because it was still a great season, all things considered. We had our share of trials, and we had our share of triumphs. Idina's recovery was strong. I won't say it wasn't excruciating at times, but all in all, Idina was recovering beautifully.
But in terms of my inner turmoil, the summer was absolutely horrible. I was on a spiritual low almost constantly. Hardly for a moment did I know inward peace. To me, life was something merely to survive. I'd long since given up the idea of enjoying my relationship with my God; all I wanted to do was remain faithful long enough to go to Heaven. Still, the hand of self-condemnation bore down heavily upon me. At times, I was so sick and tired of being in spiritual jeopardy that I almost gave up my faith, just to know for sure where my eternal destination was. I was about ready to give up and let myself go.