Sitting there in the car, I knew I'd come to a crossroads.
I could either choose to...
- Take the easy road. Self-harm was a way of relief, albeit temporary. How easy it would be to give into the power of such a tantalizing temption...
- Take the hard road and rely solely on my God's strength to get me through. I wouldn't search for temporary relief if I took this road.
I wanted to reach out and grab the pin again. I wanted to use it to relieve my emotional torment. I wanted to use it to bleed out all my pain.
But if I did, wouldn't it become its own form of bondage?
I set the pin down and vowed, "God, I'm giving this up to You. I promise, I will never, ever do this again. Please, Lord - release me from this burden!"
To this day, I have never again self-harmed. I thank God that I didn't get addicted before I made the promise. Where would I be if I hadn't made that commitment to God?
Update: 12-10-12 I want you all to know that I actually self-harmed quite a few more times after that. It was because the first promise not to self-harm was made out of a fear of God condemning me. But when I made a promise not to self-harm because I love God more than I love pain, that was when I was ultimately released from the chains. As of December of 2012, I have been self-harm free for four months.
Update 05-10-13 Still self-harm free :)
Update 03-19-14 By God's Grace, I am still wholly, 100% self-harm free. Praise Him.