Okay, now that I've told you about the first compulsion to self-harm, I can go back to where I was. It was several months after Idina had returned home. I was going through my intense struggle with scrupulosity, and as I was sitting on the floor of my room, overwhelmed by my spiritual battle, I looked across the room and saw a shiny hair barrette...with rather sharp edges.
For a moment, I hesitated. What was I about to do? I didn't want to follow Idina's steps...but something about the sharp edges of the barrette called to me. I could almost hear it whisper my name.
I reached for the barrette and held it above my left arm, scared to death. Was I really about to do this? Was I really about to break my will?
This couldn't be happening. Yet as the pain overtook my soul, I dragged the sharp edge of the barrette across my skin.
It didn't hurt too badly, but it hurt badly enough for me to be satisfied.
Hardly any blood was drawn, but the damage had been done.