Scrupulosity Much?Mature

As mental instabilities, whether minor or major, seem to often do, my OCD began to affect my relationship with God. Before, I'd been confident in my faith.

But, as I forced myself to be perfect, my OCD morphed into something much more deadly: scrupulosity.

Now, I know scrupulosity looks like an impossible word to understand, but its meaning can be summed up in two words: spiritual perfectionism (or spiritual OCD). My particular form of scrupulosity became the belief that unless I was utterly perfect in every way, God would condemn me.

It became so severe that I believed if I didn't repeat a certain prayer over and over and over again, or if I skipped reading the Bible for even one day, or if I didn't do random things like swallowing or listening to a song on my iPod a certain number of times, I wouldn't be pleasing God. And if I wasn't pleasing God, then I'd go to hell. End of discussion.

All this from the feeling that I needed to be a perfect daughter to compensate for those who had not been...

The End

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