I was getting more and more jealous, the more and more people started only caring about my sister. I can't tell you how many times I played out a scene in my mind where I yelled at them all and told them that "HELLO!!! I'M HERE, TOO!!!" I know...it's not a very nice thing to think. But I did.
We have a family friend who had gone through a similar situation with his brother. I'm really, really close to his daughter, so I was at their house when he talked to me about what he'd gone through. He explained that when his brother had gone through addiction, he had often felt the same things I was feeling.
I just sat there, unresponsive. I was listening to his words - clinging to them, even - but I didn't talk because I was so near tears, and I hate - hate - crying in front of people. I also didn't want to speak because I felt guilty feeling the jealousy I felt and didn't allow myself the luxury of sharing my feelings. So I just listened, forcing myself not to talk.
At that point, I promised myself I would never, ever talk about my feelings about Idina.