I'd always lived under Idina's shadow. For example:
- She was the one the guys always liked. I can give you a list of names of guys I've liked who have only had eyes for her!
- I felt like all my friends left me for her. Take Jordan, for example. She always made sure I knew Idina was her favorite and not me.
- Idina was the pretty one. I remember several remarks that one of my friends made right in front of me about Idina being the prettiest.
- And especially the anorexia! With anorexia in tow, Idina became the sole focus of our family. Suddenly, she had an identity.
But when Idina was gone...I felt like all of a sudden, I didn't have to compete for friends. I could act like myself and not worry about people turning their affections to Idina. It was the first time in my life that I'd ever felt like that. I knew that soon enough, when Idina returned, things would go back to the way they were. But for now, I enjoyed stepping out of the shadows. There was no longer anyone to wrestle with for friends and the like.