We'd just returned from vacation in California when the unthinkable happened. My sister relapsed.
I noticed right from the start when it happened. We were at someone else's house for dinner, and she took hardly any food. Then, Idina proceeded to scrape the food around her plate - a food ritual.
(For those of you who don't know - a food ritual is pretty self-explanatory. It's a habit that an eating disordered individual performs when eating, whether it's chopping the food up into tiny bits, spreading the food all around the plate, squishing the food til it's paper thin - you get the idea. It makes the food seem less scary, and it makes it look like you're eating the food)
I was instantly concerned. I tried talking to her about it and breaking her out of her glum mood, but Idina was most certainly retreating back to her anorexic behaviors. I felt helpless and insignificant. To me, that's the worst thing to feel ever.
So while my sister turned back to her eating disordered ways, that's when I started to shut down my emotions. That's when I really began to get torn apart.
The story was far from over.