Behold, my journal, my rambling and a look into the puzzling psyche of a weirdo such as me. Nerathul; Writer, magician, anarchist and overall messed up person.
Ratings disabled but comments are welcome.
Who am I?
To me, this is more than just a question of formality, Who am I beyond the surface? In the past twenty years of my life, I had a feeling that I wasn't who I was supposed to be. I can remember that at least fifteen of those were constantly plagued by identity crisis, incertitude and doubt over my very gender and sexual identity.
I was, Cédric B. Blanchette. Or maybe I was just pretending to be. Then, I became Nerathul, a constructed persona to help me deal with the world I couldn't seem to fit within and so I created another, a universe where every shard of myself took on a new life and conflicted with each others in my writing. Lost in Gray was probably the biggest catalyst to that end, allowing me to safely explore my own issues with gender and sexuality and purge a good deal of the angst that I had within me from all those years of abuse and doubt.
Now, I want to reach out to be the person I've always felt to be. Her name is Kalika...
What's in the name?
Kalika or Kali for short is the name I've chosen for the new person I wish to become. The name was chosen for several reasons but as you have most likely noticed it's female. I've always had issues with gender identity, never having felt much like male to begin with and the more I thought about it all the more it became apparent.
I am a girl...
That is perhaps the most frightening yet liberating revelation that I've ever had. I feel like I finally know why I've been like this, It's been something that was always present yet only recently I realized that.
Kalika comes hindu mythology, it is an alternate spelling of Kali, the final avatar of Shakti the consort of Shiva. In this form, she is dark and violent but also the annihilator of evil. She is the goddess of Time and Change.
Then there's the name of this Journal; The Chrysopoeia. That's quite a mouthful isn't it? Chances are you have no idea what the word means, and I don't blame you. The word comes from the greek words khrusōn, gold, and poiēin, to make. It's an alchemical term that was used to describe the Magnum Opus, the great work of transmutation.
Although alchemy is mostly known for it's attempt at trying to create gold out of lead, Alchemy (depending on the school of thoughts) is also a very complex metaphor and blueprint for personal and spiritual transformation.
Why are we here?
Why did I start this Journal? I guess I wanted a place to talk and ramble away, to muse about the nature of life, the universe and everything. I don't plan on really following a format or a specific theme.
I'll just rant about what goes on through my head, speak about Magic, Politics, Philosophy and what happens to me in the trainwreck that my life has become.
And maybe you can pitch in, discuss what you've read, your opinion on all of this. Which is always a plus.