The Beautiful Disaster of Reality

Realizations of life.

I’m looking for someone that I can be free with. Someone to laugh with, play with, and live in the moment with; until the day comes that we have to go our separate ways.

Because when I look back on my high school days, I want to remember those moments.

I don’t want to remember the heartbreak, the tears, the scars, the anxiety. I don’t want to remember the moments when I broke down completely, losing my final sense of control. I don’t want to remember the friends that never really loved me. I don’t want to remember the failed attempts at happiness, the hurtful words, the everlasting pain and loneliness that consumed me daily.

I want to be happy.

I believe that anyone can get better, but until recently I saw myself as an exception from this rule.

My favorite memory is of you, the lingering touch, the passionate words and the electric gaze. I want to remember you looking into my eyes, leaning closer to my face until we’re almost touching. I want to remember the way you ran your fingers through my hair while you kissed me. I want to remember the way my skin heated as you touched me. I want to remember the way I felt when we were together, like I was safe, and I was needed. I want to remember the way you told me to stop worrying while you kissed my forehead. I want to remember the way you pulled me close and whispered, “you’re mine”. I want to remember the look in your eyes when you looked at me that night.

What I don’t want to remember is the weeks after, when you treated me like just another girl. I don’t want to remember the way I felt when I realized that what had meant so much to me, meant so little to you. I don’t want to remember how crunk you were that night, because that would mean the experience that was my reality was just your foggy dream.

But most of all, I don’t want to remember the realization that I was right all along.

Nobody could ever love a girl like me.

The End

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