This is basically a place where I can write everything I am too scared to say. Maybe one day I'll find a way to get the courage to talk to someone about stuff but for now this is the only way I can think of to let it out.
I know you say you're so proud of me whatever I choose to do and you think that makes things seem that little bit better and sometimes it does. But it seems so be working less and less. Now when you say you are proud of me I worry I'm going to let you down.
I'm not like you, I don't have your confidence and drive and I don't know how to tell you that I'm scared. Scared that I won't be good enough, that I won't live up to what you think I will be. Scared I could take a wrong turn and not be able to go back.
I'm scared that life is moving too fast and before I can make a decision, the opportunity will have passed me by and I won't have any options left.
I'm scared that I won't get the grades I need to go and study English and go a uni you want me to go to. I don't want to let you down. You have given me so much I want to do well for you.
I don't dare tell you what I want to do with my life in case you laugh at me. I know you wouldn't do that but I can see the look on your face. It's the look you gave me when I said I wanted to do drama and when I wanted to be in the school play but you told me not to all rolled into one. You think that Protagonize is a bad idea so how on earth am I meant to tell you I want to be a writer?
I know you worry about me and I know I can be difficult and drag my heels when it comes to looking at uni courses and booking open days but it's only because I don't want to make the wrong decision.
I love you,