Ventalation and thoughts of how he makes me feel right now
I am sitting here tonight, it's silent inside, hollow within...
I have thoughts in my head that shouldn't get out, i am screaming again, the lack of respect with you're tones, the pain in your notions, the crack growing larger by the day, as the day grows longer and the nights draw shorter. My tears feel like acid eroding my thoughts of you. You say you have sacrificed so much for me, you are able to move on from me, i am the poison that keeps you here, pushing me away whilst you get away with the shit in you're head thinking women don't need respect.
It was never my fault it has become so resented, so tense. I HAS never been my fault that you do not understand the thoughts in you're head the way you were raised.
I wasn't my fault that the one night you went out i asked for £10 just to go out with my friend for a drink... I was NEVER EVER MY FUCKING FAULT that you're XBOX, You're LADs all come first "We spent christmas together babe, i'm having a lads night new years babe" well dippy fucking do dah, I sat on my own from nine at night only for you to ring me outraged because i wasn't home when i text you and called you to tell you i was out, then you have the cheek to say it was my FAULT !! Because i asked you for £10 when i had nothing because i gave it you, to say that you couldn't afford to when you came home WASTED !!! It's not my fault you don't know how to treat a girl!! It's not my fault I bit you're wrist when you pinned me to a WALL !! It's not my fault that i locked you out after you PINNED me to the middle of the MAIN ROAD!! It's not my fault you can't realise you're mistakes so you PUNCHED a WINDOW through and CUT you're hand OPEN !! Because i was scared and shut you out!!
The thought that you cannot realize these things is pushing me away because you say I'm IRRESPONSIBLE, IDLE, LAZY have you tried looking in the mirror? Yes you may work full-time but i understand the qualities and the lessons that life teaches you!!
You May wear this mask to everybody else, but i know whats hiding behind it all, and it is a very nasty person.
You are oblivious but you're family are not, i am not, and nor is anybody else after this.
You stress me out, and ana is becoming my friend again, ana was always there for me when you stress me out, hours at the gym over working WORK! I can't cut anymore because it doesn't work with you! at least with ana i can be perfect. ana can protect me give me the mask i need to stay strong.
Because you say im getting in you're head you are playing the games, and you don't even know it