So. You Want to Be a Perfectionist?

Just so you know what you're getting into.

So. You Want to Be a Perfectionist?

It's easy.
Except it's not.

It'll start off in little ways,
Like being dissatisfied with a B+ on a test.
Or matching your shoes with your purse just right.

And then, it gets bigger.

But just a little.

You spend excess hours studying for a test.
You can't leave the house until your entire outfit is "just so."

Soon enough, you might start equating "strength" with "emotionlessness."
You might tell yourself not to cry.
You might do penance if you do cry.
But you tell yourself it's fine.

And then, people start noticing.
They might comment on how strong you are.
But, no! Don't rejoice in that! Use it as incentive to get even stronger.

Whenever friends write you notes, you might cringe and be unable to focus on the note because they used the word "your" improperly.
You might find it impossible to concentrate on a textbook because they forgot the Oxford comma.

But it gets worse.

 You might feel like a failure if you misspell something on an essay.
Receiving a 4.50 rating instead of a 5.00 becomes devastating.
You can hardly cope.

When you go into a counseling appointment, it doesn't even help because all you can think about is the awful parking job you did outside.
When you are with a friend, you tell yourself there'll be major consequences if you let even one tear fall.

Surely, God will condemn you for being imperfect.

Suddenly, you can't think straight if you're coloring a picture, and one miniscule crayon mark strays out of the lines.
You beat yourself up for making a typo over Facebook chat.
You can't leave the house unless your mascara is evenly spread over every. single. eyelash.

Think it's bad? Not even close.
Not yet.

When you receive speech evaluations, it doesn't matter if you got 14 positive remarks, because that one negative remark is killing you.
An overall grade of 98% in chemistry isn't enough. It ruins your month. 

If you miss reading the Bible for one day, you do penance by not letting yourself speak to God for the rest of the week.
 And then, you do penance for doing penance, because perfect people shouldn't have to do penance in the first placee.

You can't focus on the rest of this piece because the word "place" was spelled wrong in the paragraph above.

You know you can't be perfect.
It's futile.

Perfection becomes your every hope, your every goal, your every wish.
You can't attain it.
But you fight for it.
You spend years chasing something that can't be found.
It will kill you.

So. You want to be a perfectionist? 


The End

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