Bullying changed in year 10. The guys had backed off mostly and now it was the mean popular girls that took over. I easily shrugged most of their comments off. The short jokes stopped, I was now the tallest out of me, Ella and Amy. But I hadn't developed physically and a lot of people would make fun of me, saying I was actually a guy.
It didn't bother me that much, I mean I'd always been a tomboy type girl. But I did grow self-conscious of how I looked. But not in the usual way. I hid in big clothes and jeans. I avoided skirts and dresses like the plague. The idea of making myself look attractive, grabbing the attention of a not-so-nice guy? It completely terrified me. I left Harry and Carl #2 alone this year I think. I started writing lyrics instead of poems and spent more time listening to music and imagining away. When term breaks came along I locked myself in my room and wrote. I never keep up whatever story I wrote. When school started again I'd forget about it.
For my options I chose German, Food technology, Art, History, Double Science (though dad tried to push for me to do Triple Science – my grades weren't good enough last year for it). We also did the compulsory RE, later renamed citizenship. No clue why. I guess I should address me and religion at this point. It was shaky to say the least. I was the odd one out in year 7 who raised her hand when asked who believed in god. But I was really starting to lean towards atheism.
When I told my dad he said I was probably more agnostic. Both my parents are Christian, but they've never been the types to push their belief. They had two bottles of holy water that they kept on display in the living room. When we were old enough to understand they told me and my brother it was our choice to get Christened.
I got a weekend job at the local spar shop and loved having my own money to spend. Over the summer holiday I worked 4 days a week and spent all my money on Amazon. I bought dozens of vampires books and the small collection I once had grew huge. My parents were still big on World of Warcraft, so I spent my time either being anti-social in my room or with Molly. I hung out with the group at school, but I wasn't very talkative. Amy was the only one to really notice, but she didn't push me about it.
Looking back that was when my depression probably started. It was just a minor thing though. It was going to get worse. Molly still liked the instructors son at tae kwon do. I still laughed at her, shaking my head. I found out a few months later that Molly had started self-harming by cutting her ankles. I didn't know what to do so I told her mum. It took her weeks to forgive me for it, but eventually she did. I think she saw that I had good intentions. But she didn't forgive for what I told her mother next.
We were walking back from a small village through dry long grass. We had a few friends from secondary school that we occasionally hung out with there. Usually by playing silly board games. She had been grinning all day and teasing me that she had a big secret she wouldn't tell me. I got bored of paying the 'I'm really interested' game and shrugged. She frowned and then after a few minutes of silence she told me. I stopped instantly and stared at her wide-mouthed.
“What?” I asked, preying I'd misheard her. I hadn't. She had got a lift home with the tae kwon do instructor one evening, and apparently they'd done 'stuff' together. It didn't take a genius to figure out what she meant. I couldn't understand why she was so proud of it. I told her as such and she got angry, storming off.
“Promise you won't tell my mum!” she yelled at me. I did, hoping my big speech would stop her getting involved again. I can't remember if Molly knew what happened to me, I think she had some ideas though. Even so, I told her and she huffed.
“I'm almost fifteen, it's not the same.” she insisted.