Kitt just left. He didn't talk to me much tonight. But I told him about this certain American boy on a writing website I thought was cute. He said it was good to fancy an American. I asked why. He said that people at school wouldn't be disgusted seeing us together, because we wouldn't be together at school. We could keep it private if we started going out.
But then I think, I'd never see him. He'd never be able to call me beautiful, because he'd never really see me. I'd never be able to kiss him. Then I thought, I just met this guy today. And I didn't even meet him. I just saw his picture and a comment on my profile. So why would he even like me?
Wow, how depressed does that sound. Anyway. Maybe now I have another problem to add to the list. Boys.
I haven't given that much thought to them this year. Boys, I mean. I've had 2 proper boyfriends, one for about a month and the other for 3 days. One secretly fancied my best friend while he went out with me, the other was completely devoted to me but I didn't really like him that much. I mean, it was in France, and he was the only boy who spoke my language. My god, that sounds really b*tchy doesn't it? It wasn't that bad I swear.
That was back when I was confident. A proper girl, who hated parts of herself, but had learned to love them. Year 9 me. A girl that an actual boy could actually fall in love with. That's not me now. So I've given up on boys. My thinking s, if I don't like them, then it won't hurt if they don't like me. Which is lonely.
Kitt doesn't have a girlfriend. Which is good, because we can be lonely together. Becca doen't either, but Maddie and my other friend Alice do.
I hope something comes of this American lad. It would be nice just to have even a guy friend.