So today I tried running again. I stopped after my first big run, which was a mile. I know a mile (1.6k) isn't that long, but it was massive for me. It was sponsored in aid of Red Nose day and Becca and Maddie were doing it as well. They often said how easy it would be. I was meant to run just after Maddie, but they got the timings wrong so I went after someone called Michael.
I go to an English state school, so there isn't a hierarchy like in American TV shows I've seen. But there are still 'the sporty people'. And these were the people watching me run. The mile was on a cross-trainer. I did it, amazingly, surprisingly, but noone there was proud. it was easy for them. Then I texted Kitt, and he was proud. But only via text. My friends weren't proud. Even my family.
I'd talked to Kitt the night before. About how I was so worried I wouldn't be able to do it and the sporty people would laugh at me. But it was worse than that. They judged my bright red cheeks with their eyes. and that sucked.
So, just one person congratulated me. Just one little Kitt gave me a proud hug. And noone saw me study myself in my underwear in front of the mirror and wonder how, after all this training and running and everything I looked absolutely the effing same. And that sucked.
So back to now. I tried running again. But I didn't go. I was going to go with Kitt, but he quit on me. So I didn't go. It upset me very much.
Am I destined to be fat forever? Is that my fate? Cos I can't deal with that. But I can't change it on my own.