The Evil Pants: Scene Script
by Eddie Glebes
Scene 2: The Thrift Store
(This scene is begins with a shot of LeDouche and Vince entering the store, and pans across the front of the store as they wander into the clothing section. At the counter we see Clark the clerk reading a copy of Maximum Rock & Roll, completing a transaction without even looking at the customer. Vince leads LeDouche into the pants section)
** Cut to a shot of these two in the pants aisle **
VINCE: (continuing the previously unheard conversation) LeDouche man, we came to the right place. They got all kinds of pants here. Real handy, this place is. I use 'em all the time for backup pants.
LEDOUCHE: Backup pants?
VINCE: Yeah, you know sometimes you get on a real bad day drunk and shit your pants, you need a backup pair quick. Lemme tell ya, you don't want to show up back to work all drunk with shit in your pants, they make a real big deal outta that.
LEDOUCHE: Are you saying you drink until you shit your pants, and then you go to work?
VINCE: Well, not anymore, not since I got the backup pants. That's what I'm telling ya. Besides, if you had backup pants, you wouldn't be in this mess now.
LEDOUCHE: Well, you're right there. Hopefully I can find the right pair now. I haven't got much money. For I am a good, hardworking, but poor man.
VINCE: Yeah yeah yeah, nobody needs to hear your life story. We are just here to buy some pants. This isn't going to turn into some grand adventure of any kind.
LEDOUCHE: Okay, okay, let's just look over here....
(LEDOUCHE and VINCE continue looking through the pants, until LEDOUCHE spots the Evil Pants. There is a close-up zoom, and ominous heavy metal begins to play)
LEDOUCHE: Oh my god, check these out! They're pretty intense.
VINCE: These pants look pretty evil. Almost posessed. But they're only one cent. That's pretty cheap.
LEDOUCHE: Then they will be posessed! By me, right now! Then I can go back to being a god-fearing man with modest attire.
VINCE: I don't know. These pants look really evil. Like some kind of......um.....you know....., uh..., Evil Pants, you know?
LEDOUCHE: Don't be silly. Satan can only take our souls and turn us gay, he can't manipulate our clothing. I'm gonna go buy these now.
VINCE: Okay, just let me get some back-up pants. I'm pretty drunk right now....
** Cut to a shot of LeDouche and Clark the clerk at the counter. This should be done with a shot from either side of the counter. The shot of Clark should be done from over LeDouches shoulder and to the side, looking down on Clark and the counter, and the shot of LeDouche should be from beside Clarks chair, just above counter height. There needs to be a calender from 2015 on the wall behind LeDouche **
(LEDOUCHE comes up to the counter, alone at first to buy the pants from the clerk, who is sitting with his feet on the counter reading his magazine)
LEDOUCHE: Hi, I would like to buy these pants please. They're only one cent.
CLARK: (without looking away from his magazine) Yeah, we don't have pants for one cent here. And the penny isn't a thing anymore, they got rid of it, in case you hadn't noticed. Also, go away.
LEDOUCHE: (Suddenly playing with his cell phone) But it is only 1998, they haven't gotten rid of the penny yet. (Notices that his phone is in the shot, quickly pockets it. The calender for 2015 is still plainly visible in the background)
CLARK: (Looking up with confusion about the stupidity of that statement) Oooooookaaaaaayyyy, moving along...... (looks at pants) Well fuck me, they are only one cent. Weird. Ah, I remember now, these are on special 'cause they're cursed. Yeah....
LEDOUCHE: What do you mean, cursed? What are you talking about, clerk?
CLARK: Hey, I have a name, you know? Don't call me clerk!
LEDOUCHE: So what is your name?
CLARK: It's Clark.
LEDOUCHE: So, not clerk, but Clark.
CLARK: Yeah?! What's so hard about that?
LEDOUCHE: I.., uh, yeah I just wanna buy these pants.
CLARK: But they're cursed.
LEDOUCHE: Yeah, but they say one cent and you can't take that back now. (slaps a penny on the counter and dashes off to the change room with the pants. His place is taken by Vince who lays a few pair of pants on the table)
VINCE: I got a question for you. Why would you sell cursed pants?
CLARK: (puzzled) I, um. Jeez. I don't know. I guess we, uh....... aw fuck man, I don't know. I'm not the manager. I just work here. Get off my ass. At least I don't drink 'til I shit, Vince.
VINCE: Goddammit Clark, you swore you wouldn't bring that up any more! Oh, but since you mentioned it, I am gonna need to use your change room, and a garbage bag.....
CLARK: Fucking hell, Vince, not again. Last time I couldn't get the stink out...
** These two continue to argue as the camera pans over to the change room, where the ominous tones again start to play. Cut to the inside of the change room, where LeDouche strips out of his ripped pants and into the Evil Pants. LeDouche begins yelling in pain, and the change room fills with smoke as a heavy metal riff rings out. The door to the change room bursts open and Evil LeDouche steps out, cackling maniacally. There is a short shot of the two at the counter screaming in horror. Then the camera cuts back to Evil LeDouche running out of the store, all while the metal music plays over the action. Once out of the store, Vince grabs a bag and runs to the change room, and Clark goes back to his magazine **
The Evil Pants: Scene Script