The Evil Pants: Scene Script
by Eddie Glebes
Scene 1: The Church
This scene begins with a panorama of the church, and we see all the characters from the show dressed nice, sitting in the pews. The gospel music is playing, and the camera, facing the alter, slowly retracts back out of the church, until we reach the established shot of the front of the church. As the church lets out, we see three well dressed (black pants, white button up shirt, tie) young men smoking out front, and as LeDouche exits, the one nearest the door trips him. As he falls, he tears his pants. Cut to a second shot, to the side from the ground looking up. LeDouche is upset that his pants are ripped, while the three in the background, sneer and chuckling. Enter the priest, Father Blain, from the church door.
BLAIN: What in the name of the Holy Saviour is going on out here?!?! Is it the VEGANS again?!
LEDOUCHE: (stuttering) My pants! They're ripped!
BLAIN: Jesus-jumped-up-Christ on a cracker! LEDOUCHE! Hide your shame, son! This is a house of GOD!! People come here to worship, not to stare at your god-forsaken pecker. What is wrong with you? Don't you know that the penis is the Rod of Satan? A vile, twisted thing designed to tempt man into sin. Why, your cock'n'balls flappin' about in the breeze here might just condemn the lot of us to burn in the fires of hell with the other heathens. The lesbians, the liberals, the roller derby girls, and the worst of all, those TUMBLR activists! May they rot in hell for their internet opinions!
LEDOUCHE: (standing) It's okay, Father Blain, they're not ripped that bad. And I am wearing boxers underneath. I am sure if i just adjust them a bit, I can--
**Cut back to the straight shot of the front of the church**
(LeDouche is interupted as Blain backhands him with a Bible)
BLAIN: TURN YE NOW FROM THE PATH OF THE DEVIL, FAITHLESS SINNER! You will get that cock back behind the walls of pleated pants this instant, or I will personally smite thee! I will not have my church desecrated by your perversion, you godless heathen! This is a place of strong moral fiber, and strong stitching as well! Now LeDouche, you get yourself some new pants, and come back here to pray that god saves your soul!
LEDOUCHE: Thank you, Father Blain, I will. I will go and get them right now. (at this point LeDouches friend Vince has exited the church) Hey, Vince, I have to go and get new pants. Want to come?
VINCE: Yeah. Hey, LeDouche, I know a thrift store that sells clothes cheap. Let's go check it out!
LEDOUCHE: Okay, let's do it, Vince! Goodbye, Father Blain! (these two exit shot)
BLAIN: Just get out of here, you half-naked faerie! (Turning to the three guys on the wall) And what the fuck are you three doin' here, waiting for a bus? BUNCH OF SLACK-JAWED FAGGOTS 'ROUND HERE!!
(the three guys exit the shot hastily, and BLAIN walks back into the church)
The Evil Pants: Scene Script