ᴆᴉᴀᴙᴉᴇs ᴏϝ ᴀ ᴅᴇᴍᴉᴜᴙɢᴇ


I must confess, I am envious of actors and writers that made it in early life. I look at these people and wonder what it is they did that I didn't, what it is they did that I'm still not doing now. Perhaps I don't try hard enough.

Don't get me wrong, my creative journey isn't all about success, I am fully aware that the journey is as, if not more important than the destination. I know that entering into the creative arts success is a ridiculous notion. I know it's wrong to say I'm in this for the fame and fortune, but I'd only be lying if I said that wasn't appealing to me.  

Maybe I'm ignorant, but I think any actor that says they aren't at all interested in fame is lying. I could be wrong, but in an industry where fame is the pinnacle, it seems unlikely. It's like owning a company and saying you don't want to be the biggest and best in your industry. Tescos never set out saying, I only want to sell to a few people every week, I only want to scrape by. 

I don't want to scrape by. I want to be successful. I want to be the best that I can be, I want to be the best that anyone can be. I don't think aspiration and ambition is bad. Bad for the confidence maybe when you find yourself working in kitchens rather than on stage or on screen. Bad for your ego when you do get a taste of glory, but then, I'm human, I have faults, I accept that, I learn, I move on. Don't we all?

Then why don't I learn?

Every day I tell myself I need to work harder, I need to use my time more efficiently (here I am writing an online diary that few people are likely to be interested in reading). I guess if I am going to go by unnoticed I may as well chronicle my journey.  

Demiurge; maybe not what I am, but what I aspire to be, not the deity but the artist, the embodiment of creativity.

dem·i·urge  (dm-ûrj) n.

1. A powerful* creative force or personality.

*for now, let's omit the powerful...

xxx Wolfe xxx 

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